I am a specialist, or "everyone knows how to drive a car and treat people"

    Wife is preparing scrambled eggs for breakfast.
    Suddenly, a husband runs into the kitchen:
    - Watch out, - he says, - Watch out! Put more oil!
    Oh my God! You fry a lot of eggs at once! TOO MUCH!!!
    Turn them over! TURN THEM RIGHT NOW !!! Need more oil! Oh my goodness!
    WHERE DO WE GET MORE OIL? Now they are ADHESIVE !!!
    Caution! CAUTION! I said - Beware!
    You NEVER listen to me when you make fried eggs !!! NEVER!!!
    Turn them over! QUICKLY!!! Are you nuts? !!!
    Are you completely crazy? !!! Do not forget to salt!
    You always forget to salt! Use SALT!
    USE SALT! SO-O-O-O-O-L !!!

    The wife looks at her husband in surprise:
    - What is wrong with you today ?!
    Do you think I’m not able to cook elementary eggs?
    The husband calmly explains:
    - I wanted to show you what I feel when I drive a car ...


    Inspired by this post "95% done . "
    In my four years of working as a freelancer (translator and programmer), I only had discontented customers once or twice.



    I’ll say right away - with such a customer, that is described in a post telling me that I need to slow down in front of the settlements and where to turn if I work, then only on an hourly basis. Because I’m not a robot, not his direct subordinate and not an errand boy at the master’s, ready to carry out any assignment and exactly as the master wants it. If someone wants to have such control over work - hire a person, create a workplace for him in the office and tell him what to do. At the same time, it will immediately be seen how such measures affect working capacity.

    Maybe I'm too demanding and someone even thinks that arrogant is quite possible. For my part, I also have the right to evaluate the customer as a person and draw certain conclusions. In the end, no one forces me to conclude a contract with me. There are offers both cheaper and faster, and with a more attractive portfolio, as it is now fashionable to say.

    When communicating with customers before we reach an agreement, I try to adhere to the following principles:
    • If you start a conversation with the question “Why is it so expensive?”, Then our conversation, most likely, will end on your phrase. You were wrong, you do not need me, but someone else.
    • If we agree on payment upon the completion of the project, then “project” means what was provided to me before the moment of our agreement. None of the “I mentioned in ICQ that” and “well indicated there”, etc., are not accepted. We will agree on this separately.
    • Tell me why you need it, and I will try to understand what you need. You already have the finished TK - excellent, I can follow it. But then you don’t have problems for me, if it suddenly turns out that the software should work differently or if you didn’t take into account something. Maybe I will evaluate the project and suggest some improvements before it starts, but not after it - only by separate agreement.
    • Just so that you do not forget - in the column "telepathy" in my profile is a bold minus. So do not be silent, say it!
    • If you think that you know better how this should be done - do it, then why do you need this? I do as I can, I can willingly listen to your advice, if it is efficient. I can listen to two tips. Starting with the third tip, I will either ignore you or stop doing anything at all.
    • You know WHAT and HOW to be done and want to follow every step. Hire a student in the office, let him work. You don't need me.
    • I do not use the Chinese and Indians as assistants, so the amount that Vasya offered you will not suit me. Maybe I will have errors in the comments in English, but at least the code will be clear to someone who reads.
    • No, I won’t ask anymore. For THIS work, I want just as much, even if suddenly I suddenly have an “information layer” accidentally, I will do it again myself, this is my risk, which is why I want more than Vasya. Otherwise, it may become your risk ... the risk of not getting the project at all.
    • Do you need this to work the day after tomorrow morning? Well, then write yourself that the night before that you work as a project tester. Yes, I am testing my code, and it suits me - so that it suits you, test it too. If you don’t want to - then do not be surprised why I will do this for a week more than Vasya, and I ask for it, accordingly, more.
    • You expect me to get weekly reports, what have I done? Well, then we multiply the amount of the project by one and a half ... you have to pay for non-freedom.

    After the agreement is reached and the project begins, you have to be honest (everything happens with projects). I will try to continue in the same style:
    • If I understand that I do not have time to do it on time, then I report it when I start to assume it. No need to be scared, it’s possible I’ll have time on time, but there’s a risk for you. I am sincerely sorry when the project is completed, we can discuss how I should suffer because of this.
    • I will try to answer any letter with questions within an hour. Since I also work with this, I will be brief. We need a more extensive answer - let's go to Skype or call.
    • You already have a bunch of suggestions on how to make the project better, which should be different there. Ok, I'll look at them. Maybe if I’m in a good mood, I’ll even program some of this. But most likely, you will have to wait until I finish with what you gave me at the very beginning.
    • Does it seem to you that I am not doing anything if I have not provided a new version with new features in three days? Please, I’ll create a couple of new forms in Photoshop in 10 minutes, you will definitely like it. In the meantime, try to implement them during this time.
    • You found a bug in my program, bug or something else. Fine, come on, I'll fix it now. And do not shout at me that I am not testing my code: it never occurred to me that you would try to write down your age in Roman numerals and think that the program should automatically recalculate it, or specify “parquet” as the floor, although there is a choice of "male" and "female".
    • The program crashes if you enter a negative age. Right Now I will put a check. I already told you - my code suited me, I somehow never have to enter negative values ​​there.
    • You switched to a new version of the office and exporting from my program no longer works as before. Well, what did you want? Having bought a new car, you are not trying to start it with the keys to the old one. I don’t know if I can “fix it quickly”, I’ll look and try to estimate the terms.


    With this approach, in most cases, the project passes without any surprises and problems. Problems arise mainly when the client "fusses" and tries to get more transparency than is necessary for work. Someone, no doubt, such designity is vital. But certainly not a freelancer ...

    Comments, additions and changes are only welcome!

    UPD1: I rewrote a little point about Roman numerals, removed about negative age. It’s just that I don’t do web development at all, but mostly middleware and desktop, I have slightly different ideas about data entry.
    UPD2: Replaced the word “professional” in the title with the word “specialist”.
    UPD3:It’s just for those who for some reason think that I’m talking with customers in the same tone and with you: no, no, and again no. Only on “You” in compliance with all norms of professional ethics and communication ethics. “You” and a certain epotazh - this is only with the aim of giving the text dynamism.

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