Do not buy ERP


You will be promised the golden mountains.
The whole year will torment your employees.
Then employees will put up with this outrage.
Gold will turn into dirt, and the headstock will constantly wring out.

Historical reference

(if then I knew about it - I would not have made so many mistakes in life)

The first ERP systems were not for production needs at all. Already worth the watch. ERPs once went out of retail. Until retail chains and mega-malls appeared in the world, the shops were run by the owners themselves or by hired managers. They put their experience and soul into it. Information about what is, what needs to be bought and when, was stored in their heads and notebooks. With the advent of large department stores and supermarkets, manual control became more and more difficult. In fact, the growth of trade enterprises has stopped.

Cybernetics came to the rescue. This nascent industry has become a powerful driver for the rapid growth of retail chains. It was the software that began to monitor the availability of goods and the speed of their sales, forecast their demand and make purchases in advance without human intervention. Yes, purchases began to be made automatically. When the balance reaches a certain quantity of goods - the system automatically generates an order with a pre-approved supplier, at a previously agreed price. If there are several suppliers for a particular product and their prices differ, then first the volume is selected from the one whose price is lower, then a little more, etc. etc. The man had only to find and choose the right product, enter into cunning agreements with suppliers, accept the goods and place it on the shelves.

The success of ERP-systems in retail has generated a desire to move further - into the industry. They say it worked out in the west. We sometimes succeed too. But why and at what cost?

What does it begin to be embarrassing to admit later and you have to pretend that everything works and very, very big money was not wasted? (the latter can be used for auto-training)

It all starts very beautifully. Impeccably dressed and well-trained messiahs from various system integrators and other apologists for the teachings of Ron Hubbard come to you. They are all the same and their task is the same - to sign an agreement. It is a contract to sign, and not do you well.

After signing the contract, you will never see them, although they will say that they have everything in a different way, and they will be project managers until its full implementation. Not. Analysis of existing business processes will be done by others. The terms of reference will be signed in by the third, and the fourth will come to introduce. Sign acts that "everything is working fine already" - fifth. They will shake grandmothers - millions of US dollars. All, except one or two Russian, these are still content with little, but they have never implemented anything except accounting. There are no complaints about this product.

Remember, in order to sign the contract they are ready for anything: bribing your IT director, cheating on the director of economics and finance, juggling the facts about successful implementations and achieved results. Your key specialists will carefully (and the best - openly) express doubts about the possibility of implementation and the effect of it. The Messiah on this score will tell you a secret: “you see, you are surrounded by loafers who are too lazy to tear your ass and do something new that is useful for your business, and we arrived just in time.”

Messiahs will catch you in the most unexpected places: at the airport, on vacation and at the most inconvenient time, until you give up. Ask them: "what will the implementation of your system give?" You will get one answer from anyone: "reducing inventory balances and improving strategic planning and business manageability." What remains of figs? What a damn improvement in business planning and manageability?

If your unfortunate subordinates have the tenacity to implement this whole EERPic system, namely the tenacity, because you will lose the smart in the process, then the first thing you will see is an increase in the number of employees, complaints from employees about what they now have to hang out late to do what they did before in 1 minute or did not do at all, because nobody needed it.

So, with those who need it and who don’t need, we figured it out. If you are still convinced, and you have signed an agreement, we move on.

Analysis of existing business processes

Children will come to you. Silly, but pretty. So, why should we send smart and experienced ones to analyze existing business processes. They don’t need to think at all. They have an instruction. The first is to schedule an interview with line managers. The second is to conduct an interview (you can’t talk it out) with them. The third is to mold all the interviews in one piece of cloth and slip an act on the signature. Result? No result is provided for you.

When drawing up a schedule plan, your leaders will dodge and meander between personal holidays, Christmas holidays, February 23, March 8 and other holy days for them to flush to the sea and the cottage in the village. But the schedule will be drawn up! They will only send key users for an interview who do not need this ERP, due to the awesome employment of managers.

I almost forgot about key users. They don’t give a damn about where to get their 50 thousand rubles. Well, certainly not where for these 50 thousand rubles they also need to service the ERP system after hours, but at work. You are not mistaken. It is not she who will serve your business, but she will need to be served and the messiah will confirm this to you, if you ask them, and if you do not ask, they will be "silent, like a fish on ice."

If you still have not signed the contract, but decided to read it to the end, then I will give you an “Analysis of the existing business processes of your enterprise” with conclusions
(check that you will have exactly the same)

Analysis of existing business processes

I. There is no system of reference information. The nomenclature reference book is not systematized; it has duplicate entries; it is different in subsidiaries. The list of analogues is missing. Attributes of the inventory category and budget accounting are missing. There is no instruction on the formation of names of materials and materials and materials, works and services (here the IT director will cry that he finally received confirmation from smart people that he told everyone a hundred times, but nobody listens to him).

In fact, the task is solved elementarily, without ERP. It is only necessary to prohibit bookkeeping from introducing new items when registering a parish. After a year or two, the residuals in duplicates will be written off to production, and everything will be decided by itself. So what, that in subsidiaries different directories. It does not matter. In practice, cases of moving (after all, sales) from one enterprise to another were three times in twenty years. Why fence a garden.

The attributes of the inventory category and budget accounting for one item are different. For example, for investments and current activities, for emergency, current stock and safety stock. Accordingly, the nomenclature should not have these attributes. The problem is far-fetched.

Concerning reference books of works and services - a separate topic. A directory is a list of items that is used regularly, that is, written off, accounted for, purchased again, etc. Attempts to create a directory of works and services is absurd. According to the directories of financial and economic services, everything is much simpler. The list in them is very stable. Once done and enough for years.

II. There is no system of rationing MTP expenditures (naive economists are perked up here because when they studied, they were told that during the USSR there was a system of norms and norms of expenditure, and their eyes would shine, which would be too soon).

The task today is solvable only in terms of rationing the consumption of raw materials, but this is elementary done without ERP.

In terms of materials and equipment, norms are absent as a class (the institutions that developed them have long disappeared). It is very difficult to calculate the consumption standards for materials and equipment, but ERP has nothing to do with it. In general, if economists themselves have not yet calculated the norms and standards, then with the introduction of ERP they won’t miraculously appear.

By the way, to check the competence, ask them how the norms differ from the norms and listen to their lowing in response.

III. Planning of all enterprise budgets takes place in Excel (there will be a stain from a tear, and if they report to you verbally, they will take a theatrical pause so that you shake your head and grin, looking at your careless subordinates).

Excel is not so bad! He is very good and every year better and better. You just need to learn to work in it. ERP to the simplicity and efficiency of Excel as to China. In 90% of cases, standard Excel functions are enough.

IV. A lot of data entry operations are duplicated, which leads to an excessive number of staff (at this moment, the HR director will say that he “has long been telling everyone what needs to be optimized, but no one has optimized it and now he is so glad to introduce ERP, so glad).

Maybe they are duplicated, but what will be the amazement of the HR director when he has to clone people. They will demand more and more from him, so as not to stop production due to ERP.

V.There is no system for maintenance and repair (MRO) (here the gray-haired chief mechanic of the Holding will shed a tear, remembering how in 1985 he received Alexander Yashchur’s thick book “Maintenance and Repair System” from the workshop mechanic on the head with a thick book).

Children and children who will come to introduce you were born in the 90s. The maximum that they know is how MRO is deciphered and that it needs to be implemented. And if the mechanic lived to see gray hair and never implemented MRO, then he would never introduce it, even with ERP, even without it. By the way, that book is relevant.

The conclusion will probably be like this:

The existing business process of the enterprise does not provide high-quality planning and support for production activities, increase the risks of reducing the efficiency of inventory growth, the growth of illiquid assets and reducing the efficiency of the enterprise as a whole.

In fact, all this is true and false at the same time. The truth is that not everything is really smooth, but you yourself know about it. The lie is that ERP implementation will fix everything. Lies are still needed for you to flare up and hit your fist on the table.

Your first desire is to disperse everyone. The second is to accelerate the implementation of ERP. This was the calculation. But do not get excited. It is only water. You still have the opportunity to jump off. Salt is completely different.

Here it is a revelation. Not a single messiah will tell you about this, because this is not in his ERP. Production is not a store.

ATTENTION! Items that will not be in the analysis of existing business processes

1. There is no effective procurement management system for materials and equipment, works and services, namely:

1.1. There are no methods in the process of “MTP nomenclature reference book”: initiation and creation of a new nomenclature, verification of modernity and technical feasibility, pricing, determination of delivery time, selection of analogues from available and others produced.

This is easily implemented by routine activities, without ERP. It is important to understand who initiates the procurement of materials and equipment. This is done by those who then write them off to production (MOT - materially responsible persons of units). So MOLs (and not suppliers, economists or IT specialists) should initiate the creation of a new nomenclature of materials and equipment. Sami, at your discretion? Not at all.

Each group of MOLs should have a guru from the Holding, which should accept or reject. If the MOL wants to buy binoculars so as not to climb onto the roof during the seasonal inspection of buildings and structures, this will be rejected, and if it has initiated a list of supplies for the newest bulldozer (which will come next year and which has never been before) in accordance with the plan THAT is honor and praise to him.

A procurement agent is an essential element in the nomenclature approval chain. Its task is to determine prices, delivery times and offer possible analogues. Yes, it is at the stage of approval of the new nomenclature, and not at the stage of execution of the application next year. It's just that. If the equipment is new, under warranty, then you need to buy filters, as it is written in the passport, and if not, then you can select and agree with the MOL quality analogues at a lower price. If an analogue is available in the directory, the supplier must block the new item. From here begins the path of a warrior in the fight against illiquid assets.

The end point is put by a specialist who knows how to correctly build a name (noun, adjective, brand, model, technical attributes). As you can see, nothing complicated. An individual is not particularly needed. From experience, someone's relative will be in this "important" position and will kick the bastard. Therefore, the last point may well put the supplier. In the end, he should buy later. In the process of agreeing on a new nomenclature, the role of economists, financiers, and other ists, however much they would like, is absent.

1.2. In the “Procurement and write-off planning” process, there is no system that excludes the growth of balances.

Elementally implemented by regulatory activities, without ERP. To overcome the growth of residues, it is important to find the true culprit. These are not suppliers, not mechanics, not energy. These are economists. The main feature is to approve the procurement plan of the planned period 10-15% less than the plan to write off the materials and equipment in production of the same period and coordinate unscheduled bids as planned, that is, within the budget. As a result, an active selection of materials and equipment from warehouses will begin. If the situation with the remains is catastrophic, then you need to start with 20-30%. You can start doing it right now. The result of all will quickly and pleasantly surprise you.

1.3. In the process “Assessment and selection of suppliers and contractors” there is no transparent and open system for conducting electronic tenders and auctions.

In this matter, knowledge of the messiahs at the baseboard level. At a number of the largest production holdings of the Russian Federation, this process is implemented on the platform of one of the best ERPs. She is very proud of it. Lucky businesses are also very proud of this. Only a guide. And the suppliers tell the whole truth after a glass of drunk. Ask yourself. Such people turned to us for outsourcing services for conducting electronic competitive procedures. Of course we did. The result did not seem to us very much - few participants. But they said that the result is excellent and will seek leadership from us to work with us constantly. It turned out that the electronic procurement system of one of the best ERPs is so miserable that suppliers refuse to work in it because of ATTENTION !!! technical issues. Hangs, brakes, trips! In the 21st century! We decided to check. The first impression of the interface is unthinkable brakes. You press the button, and the letter appears after 3 seconds. They remembered youth. Just like in 1995, Word 6.0 on a computer with a 40Mb screw.

Of course, management is embarrassed to admit that millions were thrown away for this shit. Therefore, it is carefully hidden.

Regarding the implementation of the process of electronic competitive procurement of materials and equipment, work and services, everything is not so simple. If you want to start getting results in a week, and not in two years (this is under the ideal circumstances), then you can not do without outsourcing. How deep outsourcing you choose for a start is not important, the important thing is that real professionals who wrote this story or at least their imitators who read it will come to you.

1.4. In the process of “Contractual work” there is no systematic approach that excludes the conclusion of transactions without conducting the previous process.

Implemented by regulatory activities and electronic document management, without ERP. It doesn't get any easier. Sign the Order “On the prohibition of concluding transactions for the acquisition of materials and equipment, works and services without electronic competitive procedures”. The term for commencement of the Order in three months. In three months you can organize all the processes associated with this. Unless of course you are stingy with a competent professional who has already done this somewhere, and not just bought an MBA. It’s useless to force oneself. Spent material. After all, they have not done this for years of work with you.

1.5. In the process of “Payment to counterparties” there are no tools for substantiating payments that ensure strict adherence to the deadlines, taking into account the need to extend them in proportion to the violation of the terms of delivery and performance of work, provision of services by the Counterparties.

Implemented by regulatory activities and electronic document management, without ERP. Very interesting topic. For example, a supplier has delayed delivery for 14 days. Deferred payment 30 days. 30 days after delivery, the supplier drags the documents for payment. Sfigali walked? The circumstances have changed. Deferral Now 44 days! If there was a 50% prepayment, then the negligent supplier would receive grandmas in 58 days. In our practice, there was a case when the delay was more than a year. And you will not find fault if you competently do everything. About this in the next paragraph.

1.6. The “Pre-Claim Work” process is completely absent.

Implemented by regulatory activities, without ERP. The goal is to put the supplier who violated the delivery time before a choice: to reduce the price or increase the deferral of payment, in proportion to the violation. That is, to fully receive material satisfaction in the amount of a penalty for late delivery without tedious claim work. Works with a bang! Procurement officers can do this job without any lawyers. Aerobatics.

1.7. The process of “Acceptance of materials and equipment, works and services” is not related to the processes “Payment to contractors” and “Pre-claim work” and does not contain tools for collecting primary documents for subsequent VAT refund.

Implemented by regulatory activities, without ERP. The theme is eternal. We’ll take it, anyhow, pay, then we find out that there are problems with the configuration, documents for VAT, etc. etc. It is solved in close collaboration with the next paragraph.

1.8. The process of “Storage and Protection of Material and Technological Services” does not contain tools ensuring the full financial responsibility of the security organization for the safety of entrusted materials and equipment.

Implemented by regulatory activities, without ERP. This is one of our know-how. Even your safety director will say that the security company does not bear full material responsibility for the materials and equipment located in the warehouse. Now, if they are transferred to protection under an inventory, then another thing. However, there is a solution and it is reinforced concrete.

1.9.The process “Operation of equipment during the warranty period” is completely absent. Implemented by regulatory activities, without ERP.

This is about the fact that the mechanic took the gearbox from the warehouse and after 6 months orders the gears. Where is the debriefing? The guarantee did not end. At home, everything is different. Find out: the cat did on TV or factory marriage. And they sue and win. But in production, it’s not his own, but a stranger.

The implementation of these regulations will make it possible to achieve a significant reduction in the shortest possible time: costs for current and investment activities, MTP balances and the cost of credit resources. In short, it will increase your personal profit. Actually, for the sake of which you have muddied all this. I remind you! They will not offer you this. This is not their business.

So who are they after that?

I admit, these comrades know how to lull anyone. They are taught this cool. Therefore, I will not be surprised if you go further. But, having taken the next step, you will not stop, as the introduction actually leaves the candy-bouquet, presentation period during the establishment of long-term sexual relations that will end in marriage and disappointment. But by then everyone will have got used to it, and will silently execute perverted business processes to achieve long-forgotten goals.

Development of technical specifications

You guys will come. A little bit older. With beards. Already managed somewhere, something to implement. Well, not quite at the same enterprise as you. Well, almost the same. For example, you mine and process coal, and those who implemented ERP systems in a drop dead pharmacy chain will come to you. They will assure that they have almost the same thing there, only it is necessary to “finish” it a bit. Ha! But more on that later.

These guys have instructions too: do not show ready-made projects, offer ready-made blocks and ask how the customer would like to change them. Remember, I said that the result of the Analysis is not provided. So the guys will trample on the new leaders and key users. They will ask everyone. How does it work for you? How does it work? How are you planning? How do you purchase? How do you come? We do not know how supply works. Tell us please! That is, yesterday, the previous children said that everything is bad with you, and today's children are developing TK in order to automate what they have! Here is such a perdimonocle!

All employees at first eagerly tell everything, share their best practices and techniques. Then they begin to see clearly. After all, everything they ask, they should know better than us !!! What They want to automate what we do without them? But why did they come at all? To study? They are also stupid! And we thought to teach us, do better and implement. But you will not know about it. A wave from the bottom will not reach you.

With grief in half, TK will still be developed, but with its approval and approval, the incident will come out. About three to four months, the process will drag on. Then be afraid of the one who will assume responsibility and approve the TK without any approval. As a rule, this is your project manager. This is not a random person. This is a paid person. Its task is to quickly start milking you and cutting your loot.

Project implementation

Implementation is the calm before the storm. New guys will come - programmers. Very smart and mysterious. They will not be seen and heard. They will program something without understanding what they are doing it for. As a result, something appears and testing begins.


Some of the programmers will remain, and some of the developers of TK will join them. Together they will develop a testing plan, and all your employees will again dodge and maneuver. So that they are not distracted by any crap. It turns out that TK and the actual state of things are somewhat different. More precisely, it is so different that it is necessary to introduce crisis management of the process.

And here the implementers seem to remember you (in fact, this is part of their plan), because neither they, nor your employees, mired head over heels in the project, will not move on without your magic cots. Thus, the teachings of Ron Hubbard will unite yesterday’s enemies: the employees of the Contractor and the employees of the Customer in the fight against you. What will come of this? It turns out that they will defeat you. Some will offer to agree that everything is fine, while others will agree that everything is fine. Yes, and as a result, you will be satisfied with your ability to resolve the situation.

Pilot Operation

The last days of the normal operation of your enterprise. Still, they thought that someone else would come up with something for them. And turn it on - does not work. It does not work in every place and in general. Starts to work in one - in another it collapses. Guilty persons are appointed instantly. These are end users. They do not know how, are not trained, do not want. They understand best of all that this fucking ERP didn’t lead to an increase in their work.

Why in general such automation that makes the work unbearable. Automation should increase labor productivity. Why automate what is easier to do without automation? This is the voice of the people. And he is prophetic, but no one will hear him. Slowly, additional employees will be accepted, who will spend days storing applications for the need for a system, although earlier in Excel it took one hour. Then these applications will be formally agreed on electronically for a week, although earlier this was done in a day and also formally. Then the supplier will try to split the applications in the system into lots. Then urgent applications will come to him, and he will spit on everything so as not to stop the mine. Mine director doesn't give a damn about ERP.

As you noticed, the project has shifted to the level of end users, those same workers who love their company. And they will definitely come up with something. They’ll come out of the skin, but the mine will work, but not thanks to the ERP-system, but in spite of it. Your project manager will quietly increase project funding. Director of Economics and Finance will secretly provide this funding. This is not their money, but strangers.


Implementation Results. They will never be, because no original, innovative ideas and time-tested practices are involved in the project. Why? If they were implemented on a regulatory basis, then they could partially be transferred to ERP. And if there were none, then no ERP will help.

Also popular now: