Where is the logic? Learning to think systemically. Part 2

Part 1 can be found by clicking on the link .

III Through understanding to effective relationships


For success in life - the ability to communicate with people is much more important than possessing talent
John Lebbock

So let's continue ... Based on the question of mutual understanding in relations, let's develop the topic of communication and expand the scope of the study.

In order to clearly understand the basics of effective interaction with people, we will consider the principles of Communication from different angles. To do this, you can recall some events you know about life or turn to sources of information. For example, the Internet. Personally, I chose the following topics for myself:

1. Learn about the effects of communication.


One of the most important aspects of communication that deserves close attention is its impact on participants. It turned out floridly, but unusual ... In other words, you need to understand what factors of communication cause a significant reaction in communicating and what consequences it leads to.

Let us first listen to the first sensations that open up in communication. It is appropriate to recall the words of Coco Chanel: "You will not have a second chance, make a first impression." So, to build high-quality communication with the right people, it is important from the first minutes to properly organize communication. They say that making it easier in an informal setting.

Remember the trick with the smoking room from the movie “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”:

― And here I got a pass to the scientific hall of the Lenin Library.
-What for?
― Imagine what kind of contingent is there? Academics, doctors, philosophers.
―Well, what will you watch as they read?
― You understand a lot. There is still a smoking room ... To

change for the better the impression of oneself, of course it is possible with time, but you will have to spend time and energy on this. Therefore, it is still much more correct to take care of this in advance.

The next thought that I would like to draw attention to is that in any communication it is necessary to realize how much other interlocutors are interested in it. Even in the Old Testament it was noted: “Do not be obsessive so that they do not push you away, and do not go too far so as not to forget about you.” In my practice, there was a case when a company invited a psychologist for the sales department in order to increase the level of communication skills of employees. And everything went very well and even wonderful, and the people grew above themselves, but a side effect arose. After several lessons and conversations, the staff reached out to this psychologist, who gradually became the messiah, in order to pour out his soul (he really could listen to it very sincerely) and get expert advice (he knew how to put everything in order). As a result, the psychologist howled, he was not ready for such loads. And as soon as the leadership did not try to protect him from intrusive harassment, but is it really possible to refuse suffering people who have trusted you. As a result, he moved to another city. He is a smart person and I think that he no longer made such mistakes. If you need to communicate with someone, then try to arouse mutual interest in the interlocutor. Try to tell people what they expect from you to hear, what they like to hear, and what excites and excites them. The reverse postulate is also equivalent - try to communicate more often to people what you want to hear from them. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves on the phone? "Me too ... And I am you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require unnecessary efforts. but is it possible to refuse suffering people who have trusted you. As a result, he moved to another city. He is a smart person and I think that he no longer made such mistakes. If you need to communicate with someone, then try to arouse mutual interest in the interlocutor. Try to tell people what they expect from you to hear, what they like to hear, and what excites and excites them. The reverse postulate is also equivalent - try to communicate more often to people what you want to hear from them. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves on the phone? "Me too ... And I am you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require unnecessary efforts. but is it possible to refuse suffering people who have trusted you. As a result, he moved to another city. He is a smart person and I think that he no longer made such mistakes. If you need to communicate with someone, then try to arouse mutual interest in the interlocutor. Try to tell people what they expect from you to hear, what they like to hear, and what excites and excites them. The reverse postulate is also equivalent - try to communicate more often to people what you want to hear from them. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves on the phone? "Me too ... And I am you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require unnecessary efforts. then try to arouse mutual interest in the interlocutor. Try to tell people what they expect from you to hear, what they like to hear, and what excites and excites them. The reverse postulate is also equivalent - try to communicate more often to people what you want to hear from them. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves on the phone? "Me too ... And I am you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require unnecessary efforts. then try to arouse mutual interest in the interlocutor. Try to tell people what they expect from you to hear, what they like to hear, and what excites and excites them. The reverse postulate is also equivalent - try to communicate more often to people what you want to hear from them. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves on the phone? "Me too ... And I am you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require unnecessary efforts. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves on the phone? "Me too ... And I am you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require unnecessary efforts. What is the most used phrase in men when communicating with their halves on the phone? "Me too ... And I am you ... Yeah ..." - everything is simple and does not require unnecessary efforts.

Another noteworthy communication effect, I recently watched in a trolley bus. An elderly woman, perched in front of an intelligent-looking lady, began to tell her about the ups and downs with the design of the apartment and about the claims of relatives on her property. An intelligent lady at the same time, remained indifferent and did not say a word. But the narrator was very pleased with the “communication” and when she got out of the transport at her stop, it seemed that the mountain had fallen off her shoulders. Why do people want to tell someone events from their lives that are significant only for themselves and are completely indifferent to the interlocutor? Moreover, it is not important for a person to be answered or somehow reacted to his monologue, he just needs someone to listen to him. A similar effect, you probably observed when a person came to someone for advice, in the course of his presentation of the problem, he personally seeks its solution. It remains only to thank the silent interlocutor for help and, without hearing a word, to leave. For all that, the seeker himself probably reflected on the decision, but he could find the solution only by telling his judgments to someone out loud. Perhaps this is simply a problem in the communication of man himself with himself. And after all - this is the most reliable listener and storyteller, he is always at hand, he will never turn away and will not abandon you.

And now about what bothers. One of the worst features, in my opinion, for communication is irritability. Sometimes a person is well aware that from the outside it looks disgusting and badly affects his image as a whole, but is not able to cope with his feelings. Usually indignation is caused by unpleasant assessments of actions and deeds distributed by interlocutors. Moreover, injustice can be expressed not only by the essence of the information, but simply by the tone of its reporting. Opponents can use such weakness to manifest nervousness on the opposite side and gain a psychological advantage in the conversation. And vice versa, if your relationship with a person is dear to you, try to avoid initiatives that clearly annoy him and cause tension. For example, the hero of Yevgeny Schwartz’s fairy tale “An Ordinary Miracle” spoke about this:

Having noticed the static problems that concern us, let's take a look at their dynamics. Let us rise above the monumental and take a look at the changing and unstable.

2. We feel the impact of the development of communication tools on the quality of communication


During the evolution of the human race, the ways of communicating it have evolved. As more and more easily accessible means of communication appear, the intensity and quality of communication itself increases. And with the increasing efficiency of message delivery, less time was left to maneuver in the formulation of thoughts. As a result, social slang appeared on social networks, most often it comes down to replacing words and whole expressions with more capacious phraseological phrases - clichés. For example, what back in the last century sounded like: “The information you provided seems to me untrue”, now you can blur out the saying: “Afftar burns.” It is even possible to imitate non-verbal communication using emoticons, winks, icons, etc. The use of such jargon, most often disgusts people with conservative education.

The use of such a slang is dictated nevertheless not only by the desire to show off, but also by efficiency in terms of information transfer speed. I read somewhere that research was conducted in the field of military art, to identify the most effective language - managing people during military operations. According to the researchers, the commands in English sound shorter than in Russian and less time should be spent when using them. But in real conditions, it turned out that Russian-speaking servicemen are more efficient in managing teams. When studying this phenomenon, it was found out that commands are given mainly in the form of idiomatic expressions (mat) of a limited set, but expanded by variations, due to the use of intonations.

The second point that I would like to note in this section is a change in the proportions of readers and writers. Previously, in the distant pre-Internet era, there were much more people who enjoyed reading and writing a little. Naturally, in those days, if someone had already gathered and recorded some of their thoughts and thoughts, then it was very difficult to convey them to a wide range of readers, even for a professional. Now the Internet in general, and social networks in particular, allow you to put your thoughts into universal judgment in almost real time. People more often began to write, gained experience, their fear of being misunderstood decreased, and they got a taste. In this regard: firstly, the majority has less time to read, and secondly, there is an opportunity to immediately respond and discuss what they read. Therefore, the format of publications began to change. Articles of more than 3 pages are no longer in demand, people can not give as much of their precious time to the author, unless this is the specific knowledge that they currently need “before the dead end”. Although if you have already read to this place, apparently there are exceptions.

3. Matching the results


By tradition, we granulate information into brief theses, for ease of further use:

Conclusion 7 : To establish long-term effective relationships with people, plan their construction and development in advance and build thoroughly from the first moment of communication.

Conclusion 8 : If in the process of communication you pursue any interests, manage it. To do this, you must be able to clearly articulate for yourself whose goals you want to achieve and determine the best ways to achieve them.

Conclusion 9 : It is useful to be able to communicate with oneself. To reason, to offer solutions and to oppose yourself, in choosing options. It can also be useful to gain experience of rhetoric in general and the ability to improvise when communicating with opponents.

Conclusion 10: If there is a need to establish trusting relationships in a certain community of people and not “flood like a loser, moving away from the topic”, you need to adapt to the communication style inherent in this audience, “breaking down” the threshold of distrust.

Conclusion 11 : If you want to communicate with busy people, try to formulate your thoughts succinctly, but so that the human mind can easily dilute this “concentrate” to a digestible consistency.

Conclusion 12 : You need to learn how to manage your feelings in communication, not allowing spontaneous emotions to manifest.

Part 3 can be found by clicking on the link

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