Editing a hopeless support letter

  • Tutorial
Once, I was going to Greece and decided to find out if they would charge me a commission when paying with a ruble card. I do not like to call the bank, so I sent my question to the technical support mail. A couple of days later I received the following answer:



I still did not understand whether it was an additional commission or conversion at the bank rate. The fact that it would be nice to drop by the bank and write a statement only reached me the third time.

Let's try to do better.


We write in simple language


A good bank should be on a par with customers. Communication should be conducted at ease, without unnecessary officialdom and obscure terms. Be simpler and people will reach for you.

We rewrite our letter so that it becomes clear to both a freshman student and a retired grandmother:

It wasHas become
In the event of a discrepancy between the card currency and the transaction currency provided to the Bank for debiting, the conversion provided for in the Agreement takes place.If you pay with a ruble card, the bank will debit the funds at its internal rate.
You can familiarize yourself with the Terms and Tariffs for the Bank’s products and services, the conversion rate when performing operations on the Bank’s card accounts on the website (link), in the Bank’s office or by calling the Bank’s Unified Information Center (round-the-clock, for free).You can find out the current course here: link
To notify the Bank of an upcoming trip abroad in order to avoid unlawful blocking of the card, you can contact the bank office with a passport to write an application in free form, or make an application by calling the Unified Information Center.During the trip, the bank may block your card, as You have a limit on purchases abroad. To avoid this, you need to write a statement in free form. This can be done by phone (phone number) or at the bank’s office. Do not forget your passport.

Add benefit


After we made the text easier, the main problem surfaced. This letter was supposed to be about an additional commission, and not about the conversion rate. We ignored the client’s question, which means our letter didn’t hit the mark. We are correcting:

When paying abroad, we will not charge you an additional fee.

Taking care


Taking care is a plus in karma and customer confidence.

A person who is interested in extra commissions is unlikely to want to waste money. It is necessary to advise him something that will protect his money and help save money. For example, you can write about currency cards:

Foreign ATMs may charge an additional fee for withdrawing funds. To avoid this, we recommend that you issue a currency card. This can be done for free at any bank office.

Bringing Beauty


Putting the whole text together:

When paying abroad, we will not charge you an additional fee.

If you pay with a ruble card, the bank will debit the funds at its internal rate.

You can find out the current course here: link.

Foreign ATMs may charge an additional fee for withdrawing funds. To avoid this, we recommend that you issue a currency card. This can be done for free at any bank office.

During the trip, the bank may block your card, as You have a limit on purchases abroad. To prevent this from happening, you need to write a free application. This can be done by phone (phone number) or at the bank’s office. Do not forget your passport.

It turned out a shapeless bunch. Let's give it a form: break it into paragraphs, add subtitles and play a little with the wording:

When paying abroad, we will not charge you additional fees. If you pay with a ruble card, the bank will debit the funds at its internal rate. You can find out the current course here: (link).

Also, before starting the trip, we recommend:

Get a currency card
We won’t take a commission from you, but foreign ATMs can. To prevent this, we recommend issuing a currency card. This will save on conversion. You can apply for a card at any bank office for free.

Inform the bank about your trip
During the trip, the bank may block your ruble card, as You have a limit on purchases abroad. To prevent this from happening, you need to write a free application. This can be done by phone (phone number) or at the bank’s office. Do not forget your passport.

Finishing touch


Communication always begins with a greeting. In the original letter, the word "Dear" is used. But real respect is shown in caring, not in beautiful words. And you can write anything you want:

Dear Kirill Sergeevich!
Your article is! @ #%.

Best regards,
Bank staff.

Replace with a neutral "Hello."

Summary


The letter from our bank was difficult and incomprehensible, but it became simple and airy:



Write easier, write about useful things. People like it.

Update: As it turned out, I made a factual mistake and the commission should still be charged. Let's come up with the right wording together?

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