Corporate workshop

Published on May 08, 2019

Corporate workshop

    Two months of waiting. By popular demand. From the heart. In honor of the holiday. In the best traditions.

    “So ... Come again, what's the point?”

    Sergey slowly, with pleasure, inhaled cigarette smoke and looked at Marina with a mischievous smile.

    - Oh, sorry, we can’t take you with us - they already remembered that you are the director of quality. The experiment will fail.

    “What experiment?”

    - I want to show how in reality technological discipline is carried out. And what is the quality of parts in intermediate operations.

    - And this ... Why your friend?

    - Tolyan? By the way, Tolyan, thanks again for coming so quickly. Will there be problems at work?

    - Not. Muttered the guy in glasses and with a bluish stubble on his face. - I'm a freelancer, I have no job. Unlike you.

    - Let me introduce you, Marina. This is Tolyan. We studied with him and had practical training at the factory. We were engaged, in fact, in product quality. But I - so on top. But Tolyan fumbles.

    - Nice to meet you. - Marina nodded. - What next, Sergey?

    - Right now we’ll finish and let's go to the workshop. And you ... I don’t know ... The main thing is not to loom here. Sit somewhere in the corner. Or go to the office. Otherwise they will understand that something is happening here.

    “And in your presence, they won’t understand that something is happening?”

    - Not. We’re like students. They came to measure the details, to collect data for the diploma. Such people here constantly roam around, people do not get used to it.

    - Not afraid? - seriously asked Marina.

    - Whom? - Sergey choked. “Or what?”

    - Well I do not know.

    - So I do not know. It’s clear that it’s not so scary when they know your position. They see epaulets - and bypass. But I think everything will be fine. Well and Tolyan, grated peppers.

    “Well, what do you say ...” Marina shrugged. - Okay, then I'll sit in the factory office, in the meeting room. Call me if you need me.

    - Good. - Sergey nodded, put out the cigarette and resolutely headed towards the workshop.

    “Well, what about the good old days?” - Tolyan smiled, opening the heavy shop door.

    “If only it weren’t like that time ...” Sergey smiled sadly.

    And they moved about the workshop. Sergey chose the object for research in advance, but due to his ignorance of the location of the machines, he had to wander a little. Nobody paid attention to them, did not offer help - you never know what idiots around the shop are staggering.

    Finally, the desired site was found. It consisted of five of the same type grinding machines, quite old, produced back in Soviet times. The site was quite closed, the machines stood in a circle, and the appearance of "students" did not go unnoticed - the workers began to squint at the guests.

    Sergey, without wasting time, immediately went to the container with parts processed on one of the machines. I got one, measured it. Then the second, third, fourth ...

    - Let's get a hundred pieces. - said Tolyan. - Better in a row, straight from the machine.

    - What for in a row?

    - You never know, we can catch some trend. The grinding machine, the circle should quickly crumble. If the dude does an untimely adjustment, then there will be a clear trend towards an increase in size.

    - Damn, Tolyan. - Sergey pictorially shook hands with a friend. - How do you remember all this crap? Still, go, all five criteria of stability according to Shekhart can you name without hesitation?

    “Actually, there are seven of them.” - like a real nerd, Tolyan adjusted his glasses with his index finger. - And you, as you were an ignoramus, you stayed.

    “Okay ...” Sergey waved his hand. - Let's make a selection.

    We approached the nearest machine. Sergei a little downcast, deciding whether to ask the worker to give the processed parts, or to catch them from the container. I decided to contact the worker.

    - Dear! - Sergey approached the peasant closely. - This is for us here ... Can you give me the details after processing? We will measure them.

    “And who are you?” The worker asked frowningly.

    - Students we are, in practice. Your technologist ordered the details to be measured.

    - Fucker?

    “Do I know?” Probably reluctant to mess with us, so he sent it. We are, with sharagi.

    “Chot, you’re too old for sharagi ...” the worker scoffed.

    - Yes, a lot of plump, and that weathered. So, give me the details?

    - Okay. - Worker nodded after a few seconds of thought.

    Then things went more fun. Sergey took the part, measured it with a lever bracket, said the size to Tolyan, he wrote down and put the part in a box. The first details turned out to be defective. After each measurement, Sergey and Tolyan looked at each other with a smile, like a shy couple on their first date, but did not dare to speak.

    “This is ...” Sergei finally asked. - And your details, it seems, are outside the tolerance.

    - What? - the worker turned to Sergey and looked at him menacingly. - What else, to hell, admission?

    - Well here. - Sergey took a rolled-up piece of paper from his pocket, unfolded it and poked a finger at the drawing. - See what size should be, and what is the tolerance field here.

    - You’ll go to my field right now. - the worker did not pay any attention to the piece of paper. - Vali fucking from here!

    “Come on, what are you ...” - Sergey moved back, tripped over Tolyan’s leg and almost fell. “You don’t want as you want ... Tolyan, let's go to another machine.”

    The worker took a couple of steps forward, but, making sure that the students were retiring, proudly turned and continued to work. Sergey looked around, choosing the next victim, and settled on a lean little man of a rather intelligent appearance.

    - Dear! - Sergey turned to another worker. - Can we measure your details?

    - Yes of course. - He smiled politely. - Do you need for research work? Or are you writing a diploma?

    - Diploma, yeah. - nodded Sergey. - This is you, give us the processed parts, we will immediately measure them.

    - Good. - Worker nodded and returned to the machine.

    This time, all the details, to one, were in the field of tolerance. Sergey did not notice any trends or single deviations. When I got a hundred details, I even managed to get bored.

    - Tell me, why do you have parts without marriage? - Sergey asked the worker.

    - In terms of? - he smiled. - Must be married, or what?

    - Well ... We’ve measured with your colleague now, so everybody was there outside the tolerance range.

    - I do not know. - shrugged the worker. - I am responsible for my work, let the bosses deal with the stranger. Can I help you with something else?

    - No thanks!

    Sergei and Tolyan went to the center of the site and began to look around, deciding what to do next.

    - We need to understand. - began Tolyan. - Well, about that one, a greyhound. He clearly violates the technology.

    “If at all, she knows something about her.”

    - If at all such a word knows. - supported Tolyan. - Come on, I don’t know ... We’ll observe, perhaps ...

    - Come on. So, what's in the paper ...

    Sergey took out the paper again, looked at it from both sides, put it back in his pocket.

    - So, operations are not scheduled here. It usually indicates how often measurements should be taken and the grinding wheel should be corrected.

    - He does not do measurements at all. - answered Tolyan. - He seems to have no measuring tool.

    - How not? - Sergey grinned. - Eyes, they are enough. Well, some dudes ...

    - Okay, this is lyrics. - Tolyan said seriously. “I’m only for you for a day, let’s do the thing.” Well, let's go to the technologist?

    - No, reluctance. Yes, and he, well, this ... Will sabotage. He will say that it is necessary to do a request somewhere, in the archive there, or what ... Let’s ask that polite one?

    - Come on. - Tolyan nodded and moved towards the worker.

    - Excuse me, can I distract you again? - Sergey has addressed.

    - Yes, what? - in the voice of the worker guessed discontent.

    “Ah ... You see, it looks like you are doing the best details.” Suppose you follow the technology requirements. We have a problem here - we have not taken these requirements with us, and we cannot verify how other workers fulfill them. Can you help us?

    - Help prove that my colleagues are not working well? - smiled the worker.

    “Uh ... No, of course.” Simply…

    - Yes, I understand. Let's do it. - the worker carefully looked around, Sergei instinctively repeated the same thing and noticed the unkind looks of those same colleagues. - You go to smoke, and in five minutes I’ll come there too. Is it good?

    “Wow, it's the last supper.” - a strange light caught fire in Sergey's eyes. - Of course, let's!

    - Well, Tolyan, let's go have a smoke? - Sergey said loudly. - Anyway, not a damn thing is clear here.

    Tolyan nodded silently, put the pieces of paper with the size records on a large container with parts, and the friends went to the exit of the workshop, the opposite of the one through which they had entered. There was a dead end behind the shop gates - there was already a fence about ten meters away, the territory was littered with rusty metal structures and dilapidated concrete blocks. To the right of the door was a smoking room - several wooden benches, traditional black from oiled workwear, a couple of ballot boxes and a small canopy, clearly made by the workers themselves.

    Sergey, having nothing to do, sat down and lit a cigarette. On a nearby bench sat two workers. Before the arrival of the “students,” they argued animatedly about something, then subsided, but after a couple of minutes, making sure that the guests were harmless, they continued. It seems to be something about the Ural and Friendship chainsaws.

    Five minutes later, when the long-awaited worker arrived, chainsaw lovers had already left, and it was possible to calmly talk.

    “I guys will say that.” - without a pause, the worker began. - Our site, to be honest, a complete ass. You asked about technology - so, God forbid, if the technologist remembers. Not to mention the OTC, since we are talking about measuring and editing circles. The item has been produced for a very long time - even our factory was not there, when everything was approved, at a large automobile plant. And ours just bought discarded machines there and are doing the same.

    - So the problem is in old machines? Tolyan asked.

    - Well, how ... Formally - yes, they are old. On the other hand, because of their antiquity, they are very simple in design. Well, you saw it yourself. Therefore, the point is rather how to work with the machine than in the machine itself.

    - Well, how do you do without marriage? - asked Sergey.

    - Barely, to be honest. - Worker smiled sadly. - We have made measurements with calibers, you know what it is?

    Tolyan and Sergey nodded.

    - Here you go. All the information that the caliber gives is that the part is within the tolerance field or not. That is, if you get a circle that rolls faster than usual, then I will find out that the size floated away, only after making a defective part. Fortunately, that floats in plus, and after editing the circle I can process this detail again. Well, something like that. I measure more often, as soon as the size is gone - I stop, start editing, redo it.

    - Measure every detail? - squinted Tolyan. - That is, not using technology? There probably every ten should.

    “Fifteen, if memory serves.” - corrected the worker. “But circles roll in faster, like sand.” Therefore, I have my own technology. Although, it’s rather ... For conscience, or something ... Or cover your ass - well, you never know, suddenly people like you will come to check. I heard that the new director of quality is a tough aunt, and is going to put things in order. And our production manager disappeared somewhere, there is no second day.

    - And how do your colleagues relate to your ... approach to business? - asked Sergey.

    - Well, how ... Laugh. After all, they know that everyone cares about quality. We do an intermediate operation, then they wind up the answer. And when it doesn’t fit, they’ll press harder, and it turns out. Well, or a file. On the contrary, they won’t carry it - all of them are ours. And what will the buyers have - who did it when? Another bolt in some bucket.

    “Have you tried to show your work, results, to anyone else?”

    - I tried, but no ... I tried the guys - they laughed. We weren’t very friendly anyway, but now in general ... I tried the master - by the way, he supported me, went with me to the technologists and designers. They didn’t let me into the office, he came in alone, after about five darker clouds came out, and he was offended by me. As I understand it, they inserted it into him. Well, for the initiative. And more, I, it seems, didn’t go to anyone ... I don’t remember, to be honest.

    “So, why do something ...” Sergey thought aloud.

    - I still need? - asked the worker. - And then I have two hundred details to the norm left, and I'll run home. Summer garden.

    - Yes, of course, thank you very much! - Sergey with reverence and joy shook the worker's hand. - What is your name?

    - No, let's do without it. - the worker smiled. - My business is small. Want to find me - you know where I stand.

    “Well then, Tolyan?” - asked Sergei, when the worker went to the workshop. - Complete control, it turns out? Violation of principles and standards?

    - Not. Standards generally do not care. The main thing is the Deming cycle. If an action is found that brings quality to the right level and is affordable, then it should be part of the process. It would be necessary to check stability.

    - Yes, it is. - Sergey got up from the bench and resolutely walked to the gate. - Something tells me that stability will be very good. And his manual interventions in the process are more like the usual, rather than the special causes of the variations.

    When they reached the site, the guys were quite surprised - the things left on the container were gone. Selected parts, measurement results, pen. There was only a lever bracket left - apparently, they were afraid to take it, a rather expensive thing.

    Sergei looked around, but did not notice anything special. All the workers did not react in any way to the presence of outsiders, they simply continued to do their work. Tolyan began to walk around the container, peek into secluded corners, but Sergey stopped him - there is nothing to disgrace.

    - Tolyan, come on. - Sergey said loudly. - Now let's go, take some new pieces of paper, otherwise our someone stole - apparently, there is no toilet paper. And the hands from the ass grow, just took a hundred details - he can’t do it himself. Well, at least I didn’t take the bracket - apparently, the gyrus could not understand that the bracket can be pushed by the chirp. Well, for such a nerd who ...

    Sergey stopped the speech because one of the workers moved towards him with a quick step - a young guy, almost bald, with a tanned gray face, and with an obvious seal of a gopnik's physiognomy.

    - Listen to me! - he pointed a finger at Sergey. - Che, going to measure?

    - Yeah. - Sergey nodded.

    - Che, maybe you’re measuring it with me?

    - I'm measuring it, don’t worry. Go, work, what vysrashilsya, ghoul?

    - So, come on right now. Measure.

    - You have to go for a piece of paper, nowhere to write.

    - Do not, so remember. Measure. - and the gopnik made a strange gesture with his pelvis forward, as if inviting Sergei to enter into an intimate relationship.

    - Uh ... You are this ... What do you propose to measure?

    - Well guess. - the guy repeated his gesture.

    - Sure? - Sergey began to speak a little louder so that everyone could hear.

    - What to me. - continued the gopnik. - Come on, don't piss.

    - Do you know what a lever bracket is? - Sergey could not restrain a smile.

    - Well, there she is. - a shadow of anxiety flickered across the guy's face. - What is there to know. Like a barbell, only trickier.

    “Do you know what measurement range this particular bracket has?”

    - What?

    - That, deer. One and a half centimeters, moron. Come on, take off your stinky pants, see what you wanted to show there. I’m just curious - what do you have there, that the size will fit in one and a half centimeters? Insects or something ...

    Gopnik was a little confused and took a step back. He began to look around at his colleagues, and saw grins on their faces - even those who sent "students" to the meadows. His face quickly began to redden, his eyes were bloodshot. Just in case, Sergey took a step to the left so that there were no dangerous parts behind his back.

    “Ah, you ssssuk ...” the gopnik hissed through his teeth and rushed at Sergey.

    He moved very fast - apparently, the experience of delivering the first blow affected. Sergei managed to bend a little and raise his hand, and the blow fell on his forearm. The second - under the breath, but also not on target, because the breath is not intercepted. Sergey was not a martial artist, so he did not come up with anything better than to take an opponent into the clinch.

    Then Tolyan arrived in time, grabbed the bully by the hands, and for a few seconds they stood there. Sergei managed to notice that of all the workers, only their new friend took a couple of steps in the direction of the fight, but apparently did not dare to intervene.

    - Well, cool? - Sergey asked quietly, looking into the close red face of the gopnik. - Letting go? Shake the crab?

    - Shake it. - unexpectedly easily agreed Gopnik.

    First, Tolyan released the guy’s hands, then Sergey, slowly, unclenched his clinch. Gopnik took a couple of steps, stretched his hands, crunched his neck and extended his hand to Sergei.

    Sergei, breathing a sigh of relief to himself, held out his hand in response. For a second, he stopped looking at the gopnik himself, concentrating on his hand and ...

    Got a good hook in the head. He swam immediately, began to settle, but Tolyan managed to catch him. Gopnik, without hesitation, gave the gang.

    - Cool. - Sergey will smile, getting up. “Perhaps I will linger here.” Let's go to the marina.

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