August 5, 2009 at 18:41"How to avoid unnecessary problems" or "how I turned out to be a bastard"
Quite often, relations between people are realized according to the “Karpman triangle” scheme:
The essence is this: initially there is a tyrant chasing the victim (for example, the director scolds the programmer). Then a rescuer (for example, a manager) appears, who “stands up” for the victim. And everything would be fine if it were not for one “ but ” ...
The greatest danger of a triangle lies in its dynamism. Almost always after the arrival of the rescuer, the roles change. Moreover, the rescuer will necessarily become a victim in one of the scenarios:
1. The tyrant switches his aggression to the rescuer (unpleasant, but tolerant)
2. The victim becomes a tyrant and pursues the rescuer (yes, that’s right)
Paradoxical as it may sound, but most often the rescuer receives what he deserves not from the tyrant, but from the victim (second scenario). Moreover, a tyrant is not initially needed to form a triangle. Only a victim and a savior are needed.
Follow the conflict situations in your life - and it will become clear that many troubles are formed precisely on this principle.
Interceded for an employee in front of a director? Tomorrow, a colleague will require you to do this again.
Lent money once? You must borrow a second time too!
Yesterday you did part of my work for me? Kindly work for me today!
Of course, this is not always the case. But very often.
Before you “help” someone, think about whether your help is really necessary. And even in this case, be prepared for the fact that sooner or later you will become a victim.
There is only one cure: do not enter into a relationship as a lifeguard . Then you will not get into a single conflict formed according to this scheme (which is about 20% of all conflicts)
__________________________________________
Inspiration came after reading a post and the following dialogue with a stranger to me:
Alexander: hello. My name is Sasha. I have questions about your article on your site. Have a couple of minutes?
Jan: maine, I don't advise Alexander coders
:and I'm not a typesetter. In general, I am a programmer and formally familiar with layout. Therefore, I decided to turn to you as a pro
Jan: I can’t deal with everyone who has problems :) I would be happy to help, but I have a lot of work
Alexander: sorry. He counted on help, not on show-offs. At least I never brush aside the people who seek help. Okay, I’ll search for the jambs in your code myself. Good luck.
In general, I'm a bastard. Because he refused a man help! I have to understand the problem of each visitor to my site, and not respond with "show off" to the requests of the needy! Wrote an article - please explain how the proposed code works!
The essence is this: initially there is a tyrant chasing the victim (for example, the director scolds the programmer). Then a rescuer (for example, a manager) appears, who “stands up” for the victim. And everything would be fine if it were not for one “ but ” ...
The greatest danger of a triangle lies in its dynamism. Almost always after the arrival of the rescuer, the roles change. Moreover, the rescuer will necessarily become a victim in one of the scenarios:
1. The tyrant switches his aggression to the rescuer (unpleasant, but tolerant)
2. The victim becomes a tyrant and pursues the rescuer (yes, that’s right)
Paradoxical as it may sound, but most often the rescuer receives what he deserves not from the tyrant, but from the victim (second scenario). Moreover, a tyrant is not initially needed to form a triangle. Only a victim and a savior are needed.
Follow the conflict situations in your life - and it will become clear that many troubles are formed precisely on this principle.
Interceded for an employee in front of a director? Tomorrow, a colleague will require you to do this again.
Lent money once? You must borrow a second time too!
Yesterday you did part of my work for me? Kindly work for me today!
Of course, this is not always the case. But very often.
Before you “help” someone, think about whether your help is really necessary. And even in this case, be prepared for the fact that sooner or later you will become a victim.
There is only one cure: do not enter into a relationship as a lifeguard . Then you will not get into a single conflict formed according to this scheme (which is about 20% of all conflicts)
__________________________________________
Inspiration came after reading a post and the following dialogue with a stranger to me:
Alexander: hello. My name is Sasha. I have questions about your article on your site. Have a couple of minutes?
Jan: maine, I don't advise Alexander coders
:and I'm not a typesetter. In general, I am a programmer and formally familiar with layout. Therefore, I decided to turn to you as a pro
Jan: I can’t deal with everyone who has problems :) I would be happy to help, but I have a lot of work
Alexander: sorry. He counted on help, not on show-offs. At least I never brush aside the people who seek help. Okay, I’ll search for the jambs in your code myself. Good luck.
In general, I'm a bastard. Because he refused a man help! I have to understand the problem of each visitor to my site, and not respond with "show off" to the requests of the needy! Wrote an article - please explain how the proposed code works!