How to make bold decisions and not regret anything

Now you are standing on the road. But there is a question: is this the path you want to follow?
Does it allow you to move forward at an optimal pace? Does it create the conditions for the desired growth and development? Does it intersect with the lives of those people whom you strive to see in your environment? Let's figure it out, relying on information about the main behavioral systems (depressing and activation) .

Does the present road lead you exactly in the direction you have chosen? If not, how do you get on the right path? And being on it, how do you make sure that you continue to move along the path leading to the desired results?

Most follow the road that will not allow - I repeat: DO NOT ALLOW - they get to where they would like. In other words, our everyday decisions - small and large - are a reflection of our course.

Initially, you could be on the right track. But your life is like a plane: it is constantly blowing you off course. And even a 1 degree deviation from it over time can lead you to a completely different place. And that’s not all: the loss of the chosen direction can cost you many years and even decades that cannot be returned.

For example, if you fly from the equator to make a round-the-world flight, then a deviation from the course of only 1 degree will lead to the fact that at the end of the journey you will be approximately 800 km from your destination — or an hour's journey from it.
A couple of instructive quotes:

1. “The life of every person is a diary in which he is going to write one story, and writes a completely different one; and his most miserable hour is when he compares the scale of the real result with what he wanted to accomplish. ” - J.M. Barry.

2. “The majority has 2 lives: one of them we live, and the other - uninhabited - remains inside us. And between them is internal resistance. ” - Stephen Pressfield.

Nobody can escape from reality. In the life of everyone there is a place for internal conflict. But narrowing the gap between the present and the desired is a fully feasible task.

Here's how to do it.

2 motivational systems that guide your life

In a nutshell: there are 2 main systems that define each decision and action (or inaction) of a person.

• Behavioral Depression System (BIS)
• Behavioral Activation System (BAS).

An oppressive system is associated with environmental risks and threats. When you become aware of these dangers, your BIS will not allow you to act.

An activation system, by contrast, accustoms you to rewards. When you see them, your BAS makes you move so you can get a prize.

These systems are in a state of perpetual confrontation. And in each situation, one of them prevails. The result is either action or inhibition of the impulse.

Each person has their own preferences. Some are highly containment oriented and highly sensitive to risks and dangers. Others are more active - or prone to action - and susceptible to rewards.

High reward sensitivity is directly related to impulsive behaviors such as alcohol or drug addiction or abuse. Another study found a correlation between susceptibility to “prizes” and the presence of disorders dictated by a lifelong craving for alcohol. Indeed: the increased sensitivity to reward, spurred by the dopamine system, makes people bounce back in search of new exciting experiences.

On the other hand, high risk sensitivity prevents you from moving towards your main goals.

So what to do? How to cope with fear of dangers, and at the same time not to go to the other extreme?

How to force myself to act , even through “I can’t”, in the most effective way?

The key is the state in which you make decisions. If you carefully weigh and consider them, then you can find the “pluses” while minimizing the risks. The main factor in making quality decisions is the environment in which you do this.

Based on this, Tony Robbins said that major and important decisions should be made only in a peak, inspired state. By doing so, you constantly force yourself to live at maximum.

Unfortunately, most in this state do not solve anything. As a result, their passion fades, and the stimulus is lost.

Conclusion:

To make a “historical” decision, you need to be in a peak state. Do everything to “soar” naturally to the heights, where you can listen to your own intuition. Running, training, keeping a diary, traveling to nature, traveling, helping people, interacting with large-scale ideas and spending time with my family are conditions that usually immerse me in a peak state. Therefore, these are situations when I need to make serious decisions.

It is at such moments that I feel confident in myself and clearly understand how to act to achieve lofty goals.

Forcing yourself to action

Perfectionism-prone people are usually very sensitive to risk.

I have such a friend.

Despite the incredible level of intelligence, his perfectionism does not allow him to live in peace. As a result, he defers large projects, simply because the decisions for them are complex or confusing. He deliberately "distracted" into other matters in order to avoid the uncertainty associated with serious work.

As Robert Brault, the author of Round Up the Usual Subjects, says, “We are not getting in the way of getting in the way, but an easy way to solve small problems.”

My friend was distracted from a major project because other things were easier. The uncertainty and fears associated with error are a behavioral depressing system in action.

In other words, excessive focus on risks and insufficient thirst for a reward / goal prevented him from acting. He consciously led himself away even from thinking about a decision. Thus, he never came close to getting rid of the problem.

Unfortunately for him and for many others, such situations are not unique. They are a reflection of the whole lifestyle.

In fact, he hates his work as a whole, rather than a specific project. But he continues to deal with it, because this is a beaten track. Here he feels safe. His parents like that he works for a large and respected company.

What he truly wants out of life is filled with uncertainty and fear. His concentration on risks depresses his activity. In other words, BIS literally chained and strangled BAS in it.

And no creeps in the desired direction.

However, there is still hope for my friend. True, he will need all his courage. It all starts with expanding the number of incentives associated with goal rewards. They may look like telling friends that he hates his job and that he needs something new. Or like a real search for another place. They can become fascinating thoughts and feelings - negative about the current job and positive about other options. Self-education. Surrounding yourself with prosperous people doing your favorite thing. All this can push him to commit the desired actions.

He needs to change the balance of these two systems. Its activation system should become stronger than oppressive. Until his focus shifts from risk to reward, he will not get to the point where actions become inevitable.

Conclusion:

If you really want something, but doubt, try to figure it out as best as possible. Talk about it with people. Study the question. The more information and impressions, the brighter the presentation, and the more likely that you will make an informed and serious decision.

A few months ago, my friend wrote on a piece of newspaper: “By January 11, 2017 I will leave this job .”

This single action caused a resonance mainly at the subconscious level. It influenced his behavior and actions, allowing him to better concentrate on the rewards associated with the goal. He began to talk about it with people and listen carefully to himself, trying to understand what he really wants from life.

Conclusion:

Set a deadline.

Create a clearer picture of yourself, and as a result, you still begin to act. However, if you need a real impulse, then get down to business before you feel ready for it.

You can learn to hear your intuition. Thanks to this, you will have the opportunity to react automatically more often, without wasting time preparing for action.

Conclusion:

Get down to business before you feel ready. This feeling will never appear. Listen to your intuition. She's talking to you right now. The more actively you ignore her, the more difficult it will be for you to make out her whisper. And the more attention you pay to her, the louder and more obvious her prompts become.

Conclusion

Entering your life path can cause fear.

If you belong to the majority, then you are too sensitive to risk and are unlikely to do what you really want.

You will never change anything unless you get down to business. You need to switch from a depressing system to an activation one.

The best way to do this is to introduce yourself into a peak, inspired state and make serious decisions at that moment.

The mood in which you are and the conditions in which you “reach a verdict” play a huge role.

Finally, you need to act. Sure, that seems dangerous. But by switching your attention to rewards and results, you will want to take risks. If the rewards are attractive enough, you'll get down to business right away. The best "prizes" are not material, but are associated with success.

And yes, there is nothing to do with impulsive or rash behavior that is regrettable.

Make a decision. Implement it.

Get an emotional and rational state in which you can hear your intuition.

Get the life you strive for . Do not turn to small goals, even if the road to them seems easier.

The longer you wait, the more time it will take you to get to the cherished place. When making decisions, do not procrastinate: the lost profit is incredibly great.

Forward.

PS We recommend another useful article on the topic of working on myself - 7 things that I did to reboot my life (part 1) .

The author of the translation is Vyacheslav Davidenko, founder of TESTutor .