Futuristic thinking

Published on February 27, 2015

Futuristic thinking

    All names are saved, all matches have a malicious intent.

    Hello! My name is Sanya, and I see the future. Just don’t think: I’m not some kind of psychic magician of the fifth category of the second coming Arduina guild. I really see the future when I focus. I don’t know who sends these visions to me: a bearded uncle in heaven, an hellish scotone, or the spirit of Richard Feynman seeps through the seams of space-time and puts these pictures in my head. I also don’t know how all this bodyagie is consistent with the many-world theory, Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle and Wang’s prophecy.

    Many will ask: “Hey dude! If you really see the future, then why the hell are you wasting time posting in Habr instead of saving the world ?! ”The problem is that I don’t see global events. I cannot predict an epidemic or war; I can’t know that North Korea will launch a nuclear missile; even the extinction of the population of bearded hamsters in the African savannah I can not prevent. So I decided to get a job, where my modest skills will definitely come in handy.

    The first day

    Damn, being a tester in a big company is so cool! It all started with the fact that the guard at the entrance gave me cross-examination using techniques to suppress consciousness, and then he also searched my bag, paying special attention to the “suspicious” seam in the upper left pocket. It’s immediately clear that this is a serious company that cares about the safety of its employees! When I finally went up to my floor, they showed me a table in a huge open space and immediately got a computer. The man who brought me to the workplace said goodbye: "Sit here, they will contact you," and in an instant disappeared into the air. Wow, I have to learn this cool office ninjutsu! I look forward to being contacted.

    Second day

    For the whole day they did not contact me. It starts to seem to me that they forgot about me. I decided to strain a little and seewhere yesterday’s office ninja is now located. It turned out that he had been drinking tea in the dining room for forty minutes. Great - now I know where we have the dining room! Sneaking up to a small group that was sitting at a table covered in a cheerful checkered tablecloth, I blurted out: “Hello!” Wow! I didn’t know that a person could jump to such a height from a sitting position! "Are you crazy?! Can't you see what we have here ... a production meeting? ”I was a little embarrassed:“ Oh, sorry. You just said that they would contact me. I waited all day, but no one came. "The ninja looked at me in surprise:" So it's still too early! You’ll set up the computer for now, while you will install Visual Studio ... Three days will pass. ” Strange: yesterday, in just an hour, I installed not only Visual Studio, but also an Oracle 12 client, SOAP UI, PLSQL Developer, and a couple more softwares, about which Iknew that I would need them. Well, okay, they don’t go to someone’s sushi bar with their chopsticks, I'll wait again.

    Fifth day

    They finally came to me. Some gloomy guy put a stack of sheets thirty centimeters high on my desk and muttered: “This is PIM and HLA for the task of“ Transferring intersystem interaction from IS to SPA ”. You will test the case of transferring the APN parameter to the financial platform when the SCP-subscriber hangs in an immoral lock. " I was somewhat puzzled: “Why is the blocking immoral?” The uncle grinned unkindly and said: “So, of all this, you are only interested in why the blocking is immoral? Oh well". And dissolved. Hell, they definitely have a whole clan here.

    Day twenty-six

    When I got to work as a tester, I thought that I could very quickly find all the bugs using my abilities. I just need to think about how I will test some kind of case, and I immediately find out what goes wrong. However, it was not so simple. In order to test the transfer of the APN parameter to the financial platform, when the SCP-subscriber hangs in an immoral lock, I first needed to find out what the APN parameter, financial platform, SCP-subscriber and immoral lock are. Applying tricks, blackmail, and in some cases even hypnosis, I gathered all the necessary knowledge and was ready to start testing. I was somewhat embarrassed by the fact that during these twenty days no one came to find out how I was doing, but my open-minded neighbor Vityok just waved it off: “Why don’t you worry, now it's just the beginning of the release!to test . And, of course, there was a bug right there! The service provisioning system sent a unit to the SPA instead of “true”. Well, what are you, development department, how could you be so wrong? The sun was going down, so I started a bug and went home with a clear conscience.

    Day twenty seventh

    First of all, I opened yesterday’s bug to test the fix. However, not a single changer was linked to the bug, but the entry in the history was flaunted: “We need logs of OCat, OM, CM, facade and Workflow processor. Damn, how much to teach you ?! We picked up on the announcements ... "And just below was another entry:" Also, all kinds of testers will tell me where to edit the code - they’re completely dead. " And then I realized that I got. I testedcase with the help of my gift - it took only half a second, and I never once touched the mouse. To collect the logs, you really have to open a terribly braking form, do magic actions, and then climb the network balls for another half an hour in search of files with names like "OrderManagement.OperationServices.log.145". Well, there’s nothing to do. For the rest of the day, I manually tested the functionality, collected logs and applied them to the bug.

    Day twenty eighth

    Today, on the way to work, I saw a girl slip on the steps of the subway, fall and break her leg. Of course, she didn’t break anything in the end, and I came to work in a good mood and with a new phone in my address book. Smiling with satisfaction, I opened a long-standing bug. Well, now there will definitely be a fix! And again I did not guess. A bug hung on an architecture group with a comment: “An architectural bug. The correction will take 100 hours and will require a full regression run. We need tasks on OM, Ocat, CM and OCF. ” What is it! After all, I know where you need to fix the code so that everything works. Yes, after all the logs that I attached, even a rhesus monkey would know what needs to be fixed! What a hundred hours ?! There are affairs for five minutes, four of which the build will be going! Something needs to be done with this.

    Thirtieth day

    Usually such tricks do not work out for me, but here, apparently, righteous anger helped. I was able to properly look into the future, see myself as an experienced programmer who can write in thirty well-known and two still unknown languages, and then transfer all this experience to my current consciousness. I don’t know how it all works, and why the time paradox didn’t annihilate the Universe, but I managed to poke the version control system so that the necessary correction simply appeared in the code. After that, with a clear conscience, I returned the bug to myself and closed it with a comment: "It does not play."

    Day one hundred and ninety-fifth

    Fuh, the last six months have been vicious! After I learned to quietly edit the code, I was able to use my abilities to the fullest! For the first month, I caught all the bugs of the current release. After that, I raided the bug cemetery, which, by mistake, was called the "architecture group." Well, as a pleasant bonus, for the last month I have been doing a full refactoring of the system: I implemented a kosher SOA architecture, covered all the code with tests, and also set up the Continuous Delivery process. Although I almost fell in love with the latter: it turns out that the head of the infrastructure department is so zealously following his diocese that I had to use hypnosis again to convince him that he himself invented and tuned it all up.

    Day one hundred and ninety-six

    Today, the very ninja whom I have not seen since the first days of my work gathered our testing department in a large meeting room. Comfortably sitting in a soft leather chair, the boss immediately took the bull by the horns: “In general, this is the case. The country is in crisis, and senior management decided to reduce staff by 50%. As you understand, we cannot reduce developers, therefore we decided to reduce testers. ” What a twist! I do not even know what to say. Accepting our silence as consent, the head continued: “In short, we decided to shorten you for non-compliance with the job description.” I finally found the gift of speech: “Oh well? And in what we do not correspond? "" Well then. So you, Sanya, signed the job description? Signed. Was there a point about the fact that the employee should have futuristic thinking, and anticipate the development trends of the industry? It was. You don’t have futuristic thinking, Sanya. Though kill - no. ” I sighed and closed my eyes.


    When the vision ends, I always have a little fingertip pinching. And now, as if I emerged from the well, I opened my eyes and stared at my index finger, which was lying on a sheet of paper with the inscription “Job description”. The finger pointed to a small list that spoke about the qualities that an employee of a company should possess: “futuristic thinking; the ability to see trends in the development of the industry and patterns in the environment; ... "The voice of the personnel department employee led me out of thought:" Well, will you sign it, or not? This is just a formality! You’ll sign it now, and in a week you will be able to go to work. ” I looked up at the woman and thoughtfully said: "Do you know ... I, perhaps, changed my mind to work for you."