How to make the caller be as quiet as his mouse

    (I work as a technical support engineer in the evenings)

    Me: The Pennsylvania Technical Support Center. How can I help you?

    Subscriber: The cleaners just came to me and after that the mouse stopped working for me. The cursor just randomly jumps back and forth. They broke my mouse, I need a new one.

    Me: You work for a SPARCstation with an optical mouse, right?

    Subscriber: Yes, with a cool glass rug ^^

    (One of the first optical mice needed special reflective rugs with etched grid patterns on the surface. To increase the resolution, the distance between the vertical and horizontal lines was slightly different.)

    I: The cleaners washed you under the table?

    Subscriber: Yes.

    Me: Did they move your mouse pad?

    Subscriber: How can this be related ?!

    Me: Mouse pad moving? Is the larger edge of the mat parallel to the edge of the table?

    Subscriber: Listen, I really don’t understand how this can affect - just give me a new mouse!

    Me: The orientation of the mat really matters ...

    (The caller interrupts me and starts screaming. I understand that his voice comes from somewhere below - from the hall)

    Subscriber: Listen! Just issue a ticket and let someone bring me a new mouse! I do not have time for your games. I develop microchips and know what I'm talking about! I may have designed your phone on which you answer all day!

    (I take off my headset, go downstairs to the lobby, enter his office and go to his desk.)

    Subscriber: ... so don’t fuck me. Wait a second, someone entered my office.

    (I bend over and rotate his rug 90 degrees. I move the mouse and the cursor finally moves correctly with it. I exit the office, go up to myself, sit down at my desk and put the headset back on)

    Subscriber: * silence *

    I: Thank you for calling to the technical support center of pensioning. I think we have solved your problem.

    Subscriber: * silence *

    Me: You will receive your ticket to your email, thanks for the call!

    Subscriber: * click *

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