If programming languages were religions ...
- Transfer
I was surprised to find that there wasn’t a Russian translation of a rather funny article written by a certain Rodrigo Braz Monteiro, in which he compares programming languages and religions. Therefore, I had to do the translation myself, which is attached below.
The author of this article was inspired by a comparison of programming languages with cars (the original), but it was inspired by a translation ...
C - Judaism . This language is old and has many limitations, however, most in the world are familiar with its laws and respect them. The trick is that you cannot retrain as a sishnik - you have to be him from the very beginning, otherwise it will seem to you that all this is some kind of insanity. Also, if things go wrong, many people like to push all responsibility precisely in C.
Java - Orthodoxy. Theoretically, Java is based on C, but devoid of so many laws and restrictions that it does not resemble the original at all. Instead, she has an impressive set of her harsh rules, which are considered by her adherents to be much better and fairer than C. They are not only sure that their language is the best in the world, but they are also ready to burn the Inquisition at the stake everyone who disagrees.
PHP - Cafeteria Christianity(it is customary to designate those Christians or churches that follow only those dogmas that personally suit them, and hammer out other prohibitions and ideas). PHP fights Java for the web market, while sharing some common concepts with C and Java, but only those that are nice to pahapists. This language may not be as harmonious as the others, but it leaves a lot of freedom for the developer, supposedly while maintaining integrity as a language. And yes, the concept of “goto hell" is finally forgotten in it.
C ++ is Islam. This language takes its foundation in C, but not only inherits its laws, but also adds a whole complex of its own. It is so multifaceted that it can be the basis of everything - from works of art to atrocities and violence. His followers are sure that this is the only truly universal language and really do not like it when someone claims the opposite. And yes, it’s better not to try to insult this language or its creator - they will kill it.
C # - Mormons. At first glance, it is the same as Java, but if you look closely, you can understand that it is controlled by one corporation (which many followers of Java consider it devilish), and also that many theological concepts of these languages are different. You could assume that this language is pretty nice if only the followers of Java would not subject you to such an obstruction for developing in C #.
Lisp - Zen Buddhism . There is no plain syntax here, no dogmas or idols. The whole universe is in your hands, if you are enlightened enough to realize this. Some say that this is not a language at all, while others, on the contrary, consider it the only real language.
Haskell is Taoism. It is so different from other languages that many people cannot understand how something useful can be developed on it. His followers believe that this is the path to wisdom, but only this wisdom is beyond the understanding of most mortals.
Erlang - Hinduism . Another strange language that looks completely useless, but unlike most modern languages, it is built around the concept of the existence of multiple deities.
Perl is Voodoo - an incomprehensible set of secret rituals that include animal sacrifices and the use of their blood, and can forever disturb your mental structure. Often used when your superiors require you to complete an urgent task at 21:30 on Friday.
Lua- it would be Wikanism (a neopagan West European occult teaching, the basis of which is worship of the creative forces of Nature in the form of the Goddess and God). A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted to any locality and culture. The coding rules on it are very liberal and allow the use of techniques that would be called magic in the case of ordinary languages. This cult is associated with moon worship.
Ruby - Neopaganism . A mixture of different linguistic concepts and ideas, combined into one. His flocks are growing rapidly, and although many followers of Ruby are suspicious, they are overfilled only with good intentions for the most part, and are not dangerous to anyone.
Python - it would be Humanism. It is simple, devoid of many restrictions, and all that is required of you is to follow its general idea. Many of his followers proclaim that they have gotten rid of the complexity and overregulation of other languages and rediscovered the joy of programming. Some, however, call all this pseudo-coding.
COBOL - this is Ancient Paganism - there were times when it was universally distributed and popular, but now, to the delight of all of us, it has almost died. Although most are afraid of his frightening rituals, some still insist that he has a right to exist today.
APL is Scientology. Many people are her followers, but there is a suspicion that all this is a huge and carefully thought-out joke that just got out of hand.
LOLCODE - Pastafarianism (Doctrine, according to which the world was created by a drunken flying spaghetti monster, and therefore it is so worthless). An esoteric language born on the Internet that no one takes seriously, despite all efforts to spread
Visual Basic , is Satanism . The only difference is that you don’t really have to sell your soul in this case ...
Comparison to cheer up ...
The main translation was made here , but here it is a little update
Upd: Further, at the request of our readers:
ASM is more like paganism , communication with spirits and nature, which for the uninitiated seems to be something incredible and supernatural. In today's world with widespread urbanization, less and less attention is paid to nature and communication with it. Everywhere technology, automation and more. There are few sorcerers and witches left.
JavaScript is charismatic , always with songs and dances ...
TCL - sophistry. Followers of any other religions, regardless of skin color, country of residence and main religion, can speak on it, unexpectedly for themselves. Over a cup of tea, carried away by a clever conversation, the TCL box can block an entire verbal tower with an ornate structure, graceful window arches and inserts from rubies, diamonds and mother-of-pearl shells of marine animals.
The author of this article was inspired by a comparison of programming languages with cars (the original), but it was inspired by a translation ...
C - Judaism . This language is old and has many limitations, however, most in the world are familiar with its laws and respect them. The trick is that you cannot retrain as a sishnik - you have to be him from the very beginning, otherwise it will seem to you that all this is some kind of insanity. Also, if things go wrong, many people like to push all responsibility precisely in C.
Java - Orthodoxy. Theoretically, Java is based on C, but devoid of so many laws and restrictions that it does not resemble the original at all. Instead, she has an impressive set of her harsh rules, which are considered by her adherents to be much better and fairer than C. They are not only sure that their language is the best in the world, but they are also ready to burn the Inquisition at the stake everyone who disagrees.
PHP - Cafeteria Christianity(it is customary to designate those Christians or churches that follow only those dogmas that personally suit them, and hammer out other prohibitions and ideas). PHP fights Java for the web market, while sharing some common concepts with C and Java, but only those that are nice to pahapists. This language may not be as harmonious as the others, but it leaves a lot of freedom for the developer, supposedly while maintaining integrity as a language. And yes, the concept of “goto hell" is finally forgotten in it.
C ++ is Islam. This language takes its foundation in C, but not only inherits its laws, but also adds a whole complex of its own. It is so multifaceted that it can be the basis of everything - from works of art to atrocities and violence. His followers are sure that this is the only truly universal language and really do not like it when someone claims the opposite. And yes, it’s better not to try to insult this language or its creator - they will kill it.
C # - Mormons. At first glance, it is the same as Java, but if you look closely, you can understand that it is controlled by one corporation (which many followers of Java consider it devilish), and also that many theological concepts of these languages are different. You could assume that this language is pretty nice if only the followers of Java would not subject you to such an obstruction for developing in C #.
Lisp - Zen Buddhism . There is no plain syntax here, no dogmas or idols. The whole universe is in your hands, if you are enlightened enough to realize this. Some say that this is not a language at all, while others, on the contrary, consider it the only real language.
Haskell is Taoism. It is so different from other languages that many people cannot understand how something useful can be developed on it. His followers believe that this is the path to wisdom, but only this wisdom is beyond the understanding of most mortals.
Erlang - Hinduism . Another strange language that looks completely useless, but unlike most modern languages, it is built around the concept of the existence of multiple deities.
Perl is Voodoo - an incomprehensible set of secret rituals that include animal sacrifices and the use of their blood, and can forever disturb your mental structure. Often used when your superiors require you to complete an urgent task at 21:30 on Friday.
Lua- it would be Wikanism (a neopagan West European occult teaching, the basis of which is worship of the creative forces of Nature in the form of the Goddess and God). A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted to any locality and culture. The coding rules on it are very liberal and allow the use of techniques that would be called magic in the case of ordinary languages. This cult is associated with moon worship.
Ruby - Neopaganism . A mixture of different linguistic concepts and ideas, combined into one. His flocks are growing rapidly, and although many followers of Ruby are suspicious, they are overfilled only with good intentions for the most part, and are not dangerous to anyone.
Python - it would be Humanism. It is simple, devoid of many restrictions, and all that is required of you is to follow its general idea. Many of his followers proclaim that they have gotten rid of the complexity and overregulation of other languages and rediscovered the joy of programming. Some, however, call all this pseudo-coding.
COBOL - this is Ancient Paganism - there were times when it was universally distributed and popular, but now, to the delight of all of us, it has almost died. Although most are afraid of his frightening rituals, some still insist that he has a right to exist today.
APL is Scientology. Many people are her followers, but there is a suspicion that all this is a huge and carefully thought-out joke that just got out of hand.
LOLCODE - Pastafarianism (Doctrine, according to which the world was created by a drunken flying spaghetti monster, and therefore it is so worthless). An esoteric language born on the Internet that no one takes seriously, despite all efforts to spread
Visual Basic , is Satanism . The only difference is that you don’t really have to sell your soul in this case ...
Comparison to cheer up ...
The main translation was made here , but here it is a little update
Upd: Further, at the request of our readers:
ASM is more like paganism , communication with spirits and nature, which for the uninitiated seems to be something incredible and supernatural. In today's world with widespread urbanization, less and less attention is paid to nature and communication with it. Everywhere technology, automation and more. There are few sorcerers and witches left.
JavaScript is charismatic , always with songs and dances ...
TCL - sophistry. Followers of any other religions, regardless of skin color, country of residence and main religion, can speak on it, unexpectedly for themselves. Over a cup of tea, carried away by a clever conversation, the TCL box can block an entire verbal tower with an ornate structure, graceful window arches and inserts from rubies, diamonds and mother-of-pearl shells of marine animals.
