Houseisms (well, who hasn't watched Doctor House yet?)

You talk to God - you are a believer, God talks to you - you are mentally ill © Dr. House

Everyone lies © Dr. House

You can live with dignity, but you cannot die with it © Dr. House

You still will not become President, the White House is called white because of the color of the walls © Dr. House to a black senator

- The woman you lived with? - This is an Indian name, and in her rights she is listed as Stacy © Doctor House

Immediately he will not die, but he will dream about it © Dr. House

If her deviation was one percent, she would be a dolphin © Dr. House


- Mom, who are these people? - These are two arrogant bastards who saved your life © Mom of one of the patients about Dr. House and Foreman

Only you can feel like shit doing something good. © James Wilson about Dr. House

Symptom - is it death? © Dr. House

If you wait long enough, someone will get sick © Dr. House

- And for now I would recommend that you refrain from sex. - How long? - From the point of view of evolution - forever © Dr. House

Dr. House does not break the rules, he ignores them © Foreman about Dr. House

The last symptom was death. And, in case you missed this lesson at medical school, this symptom is not treated. © Dr. House

Most patients do not distinguish between the forehead and the pubis. © House.

Luxurious women become doctors only if someone offends them. Dr. House.

You love everyone. This is a pathology © Dr. House

I’m bad, and don’t try to convince yourself and me that it’s not © Doctor House

I will be in my office. Alone with myself. A lot of new pornography has appeared on the Internet, and it can’t be downloaded by itself © Doctor House

Doctors should treat illnesses, and those who treat patients do not cope with melancholy © Doctor House

Doctors make 5 different diagnoses based on the same symptoms © Dr. House

I I slap Cameron in the ass, I call Forman a nigga, and Chase ... I slap him in the ass too ... © Dr. House

- I don’t have any pain! “Sometimes this is the first symptom.” © Dr. House

Why the hell are you hanging around with a urine test? © Dr. House

If I enjoy the hatred of life, I do not hate life. I enjoy it © Dr. House

Does anyone have a saw? Call a surgeon © Dr. House

- How can I work with you if you treat me like shit? - Shit — loose concept © Chase and House

- What are you going to do? - I thought to listen to your theories, make fun of them and, after that, come up with my own © Cameron and House

- Oh, Cameron, I need you for a couple of hours. - What is it? - When you go to someone’s house, it’s always good to have a white chick with you © Forman and Cameron

House do not like to deal with patients © Cameron

If we do not treat patients, why did we become doctors? © Foreman

Patients always require confirmation. We don’t make cars here, we don’t give guarantees. © Dr. House

Is it a lie, a lie, if everyone knows that it is a lie? © Dr. House

Trying to convince a madman, not doing crazy things is crazy itself © Dr. House

I always said if you want to shoot yourself, do it in the hospital © Dr. House

If she agrees with me, then I don't need her. If not, I don’t want her. © Dr. House about Cuddy

- We have rectal bleeding. - What, everyone at once? © Cameron and House

- You Can Believe Me. - The problem is that if I can’t believe you, then I can’t believe your statement that I can believe you © Chase and House

- I need you to put on your bathrobe. - I need two days of shocking sex with someone who is shamelessly younger than you © Cuddy House

; How do you know that she needs a heart transplant? - Today my chakra has crept out. She said someone had a broken heart nearby © Wilson and House

- You. In the lobby. Right now. - I hurt my leg. I have help © Cuddy and House

- Dr. House! Need your help. - No thanks. Too many patients. I can grab something © Cuddy and House

House, you ... the way God made you! © Wilson of the House

- Mrs. Adams, could you come out for a minute? - What for? - Then, that you annoy me © House and Adams

- How would you feel if I began to interfere in your personal life? “I hate that.” So I have the mind to not have one © Chasey House
- Can you even imagine what it is like when you get a two-meter hose in your colon? - No, but now I have a very high opinion of some basketball player you met in college. © Cameroni House. Hiccuped

patient: I tried everything.
House: Yeah. (reads) ... he pulled his tongue, ice on his throat, beat himself, tweaked an obstruction ... yes, you certainly covered all the normal medical methods. However, how do you beat yourself - with your open palm or fist?
Patient: Open hand.
House: Well, yes, that’s what they teach at Harvard Medical.

At dinner with Stacy and her husband:
Mark: You know, I thought you would be full of sarcasm because Stacy married me.
House: You know, we need to do something together: kick the balls or something ... all these men's stuff.

/ House wants to go in to Cuddy ... /
Assistant Cuddy: you can't go there.
House: who are you and why are you wearing a tie?
Assistant: I am an assistant to Dr. Cuddy. What are you on?
House: I went to find out why she has a secretary, but I do not.
Assistant: I am an assistant, not a secretary - I graduated from the University of Rudgers.
House: hmm? I did not even suspect that they have a faculty of secretaries! Wow.
“Have you taken a shower together ?!” - NOT! - Double denial means agreement © House and Chase with Cameron
Either help to live or die - you can’t do it all at once © Dr. House
You know what's good in you - you always think you're right. Novot, what upsets - you really are almost always right. © Stacy oHouse
- If she never kissed the boys, then most likely she never had sex. - Say it to all the whores who don't want to kiss me on the lips © Chase and House
- I waited 2 hours in the lobby. - Fascinatingly. Memoirs did not think to write? © Dr. House
- Do you have a dead phone? Do you even charge it sometimes? “Are they being charged?” And I always bought a new one © Wilson and House

- Help me avoid this dinner, and I will tell you who started the rumor that you are a transgender! - There is no such rumor! “It will be, if you do not help to avoid dinner!” © House and Cuddy

- I'm taller than you - And I have more hair © House and Mark Warner
House sculpts in a rehabilitation center. Tritter enters: - Caterpillar? - Colon with ulcerative colitis © Tritter and House

- But Dr. Chase said that my calcium is normal! - We call him “Doctor Idiot” © Patient and House

- Her lips say “no”, her shoes say “Yes” - They are French - you can’t believe any of their words © House and Wilson

If you're right, then I have to go to church every Sunday. And I have SUNDAY on Bowling! © House Wilson
- You Use Drugs - No! - Your lips say no, your eggs say yes © House and patient

- You cannot diagnose without a biopsy. - No, we can, we will heal. If she feels better, we will find out that we were right. - And if we make a mistake? “Find out something else.” © Cameron and House
Who do you need, the doctor who holds your hand while you die or the doctor who ignores you while you are better? Perhaps the worst thing is to have a doctor who ignores you while you die. © House
- Is it still not legal to do an autopsy on a living person? - So, high? - Today is Tuesday; I am clean! - Today is Wednesday. © House and Caddy
- You were right. “Three useless words have just sounded.” © Chase and House
- How do you test someone's reaction to pain? - Simply. I will hurt them. © Cameron and House
- If we told you the truth that you correctly diagnosed without a single medical evidence, you would have decided that you are God. And worried that you would sing wings. - God is not limping. © Wilson and House
- Do you know why people sit in waiting rooms? - It must be because it is right. - People think that the closer they sit in the copy room, the stronger their concern is shown. © House and Stacy
- Do you think I want the whole world to see you staring at the mausoleum and criticizing my wardrobe? “Would it be better if I stared at your wardrobe and criticized your ass?” © Cuddy and House
- Okay. I will make you a baby. But first you have to write me Vicodin. Only then I will survive the prelude © House and Caddy
We need to check for parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, radiation, toxins, chemicals, and maybe picked up from porn sites. I’ll check the Internet, and you will do the rest. © House
- The child has disappeared ... - Well, you take Alpha Centaurus, let Foreman check Tattuin, and Cameron will get the intergalactic stations. True, if he took advantage of the hyper transition, we will never find him. © Chase and House
Talk about Patient Diagnosis:
Cameron: How about Sex?
House: Well, that won't be easy. We work together, I'm older, but maybe you like it.
Cameron: I meant that he might have syphilis.
House: Ah. Good excuse.
House: People don’t need a sick doctor.
Wilson: Logically. And I do not need healthy patients.
House: There are a million sick people in the world, why should I treat this?
Wilson: Because this one is in our hospital room.
- Brain tumor. She will die. Boredom. © House
- You are an oncologist. I'm just a miserable specialist in infectious diseases. “Yes, of course, just a simple village doctor.” © House and Wilson
- I hired you because you look good. It's like keeping a work of art in the hallway. © House of Cameron
- What are you doing here again? A patient? - Not. Prostitute. She went to my office, not to my house. © Cuddy and House
- I think your example is not correct. “I think your tie is ugly.” © Foreman and House
House and Wilson:
- If I told Foreman: “Good try. Great guess, but not this time. ”What do you think he would do?
“I think he would be heading home without feeling like a piece of shit.”
- Exactly.
“Do you want him to feel like a piece of shit?”
- Not. I do not want him to go home.
“Why are you interested?” “Why are you interested, why am I interested?” - Just wondering. - Me too. © Foreman and House
House and Cameron:
- And what the hell is this?
- Candy canes.
“Candy canes?” Are you kidding me?
- Not! After all ... after all, Christmas, and I thought ...
- Relax. It was a joke.
“Augustine's sister believes in what is not.” “I thought it was a professional requirement for people like you.” © Nun and House
Cuddy appears in a sweater with a deep neckline. House:
“Great suit, Dr. Cuddy.” He kind of says: "I am a professional, but still a woman." In fact, he directly shouts out the second part.
“Your big cane is also pretty invisible.”
- In fact, every time I put on a festive cap and celebrate the fact that the Earth once again circled around the Sun. I really thought that this time she would not succeed, but hell, this is a Planet That Could Again. © House (about birthday)
- I am disappointed. I sent you in search of great new designer drugs, and you brought me tomato sauce. © House
“You experience perverse pleasure in refusing me.” “For this I live.” © House and Cuddy
- Even I don't like you! “You know, words can hurt!” © Wilson and House
- Need a lawyer! “Did you kill someone?” - No one. But not yet evening. © House and Vogler
- The hematoma caused a coma. - What a wonderful diagnosis, you can dance to it! © Chase and House
- Yes, I understand, House is just a darling. One wants to hug him and never let go. © Chase
- Why Always Me? “Because the world hates you.” Or because it's a diagnostic lesson. You can choose a reason that is more to your self-esteem. © House and Cuddy
- Be yourself. Cold, indifferent and aloof. “Please do not make me an idol.” © Wilson and House
Cuddy:
“I need to discuss something with you.”
House (loudly):
- I will not have sex with you again! The first time was terrible!
“You are an evil, insidious woman.” This is terribly exciting. © House of Cuddy
- No, there is no thin line between love and hate. Between them is the Great Wall of China with an armed guard exhibited every 20 seconds. © House
- Cuddy considers this case idiopathic. “Cuddy and the idiom are an important part of this proposal. © House
- I want you to do your job. “But, as the philosopher Jagger once said:“ You can’t always get everything you want. ” © Cuddy and House
- You know me. Enmity makes me shrink like ... [pause] I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor. © House
- What can you add to this dispute? “Wilson is right, Formannerav, your shirt is too frank for an office style.” © Cuddy House
- What are you doing? “Well, you're trying to be me, and I thought to try to be you.” - For this you have no roundness. - But the skill is more elastic ass. © Cuddy and House
- You cannot raise your hand. “And you cannot write while standing.” © Cuddy and House
- Pay attention to me! “I'm sorry, but then it will be harder for me to ignore you.” © Cuddy and House
- You have no cancer. “You have no dwarfism.” - And on account of this you have no evidence. © House and Cuddy
- How is your prostitute doing? “Oh, so sweet that you asked - a funny story: she was going to become the administrator of the hospital, but she didn’t like to have people this way.” © Cuddy and House
“Well, why do you need to dramatize everything?” - Because I'm a feisty little lapdog. Raff raff raff, rarr, raff! © Cuddy and House
Cuddy: (after finding House where he was hiding) I just walked on the smell of arrogance.
Even babies lie. © House

- You have attacked a patient! “Okay, I won’t do that again.” - You will! “Then there is even less sense in this argument.” © Foreman & House

Patient Symptom - Loss of Free Will. I like. We can call Thomas Aquinas for a consultation. © House

- I’m an Air Force captain and awaiting appointment to NASA’s astronaut training center. - I discovered salt and invented FM radio. © Patient and House

- Merry Christmas. - Happily go to hell. © Tritter and House

- Is that Vicodin? - Menthol sweetie. Thought you were going to kiss me. © Cuddy and House

- Are you Dr. House? “I feel that I will regret it yet, but yes!” © Patient and House.

I do not work well in search groups. And yet, I can’t sit, smoke, nervous and do nothing! © House

- They have a secret club there. - What is the secret? Are they all idiots? © Chase and House

— This is the temple of the Lord. They pray here. “Ah, so that’s why there is such a good welcome here, and also why there is nobody here.” © Nun and House

- The accident did not cause bleeding. - Yes, the bleeding caused an accident, the blood got on the road became slippery. © Cameron and House

“Do you want me to treat him?” Medicines in a pharmacy, motionless patient of intensive care. Sounds like a simple geographic issue. © House — The

boy just passed the math exam, and then he suddenly started to feel sick and he stopped realizing where he was. - Yes, that’s how the math manifests. © Foreman and House