“About IT startups and venture financing”, or “How I went for a bun”

Fish and the sea
. Fisherman smells.
In the bakery only
It doesn’t smell in any way!

(based on a children's poem)

From the author: my own impressions of the process of searching for venture financing for one IT startup are presented in art form below. All coincidences with real names and companies are random, all conclusions as a result of reading this text are on the reader’s conscience.

One morning I went outside to buy a bun for breakfast ... The mood was excellent, a trinkle tinkled in my pocket, and ideas circled in my mind as to which bakery to look into, since there were many of them in my area.

Alas, the nearest bakery was closed - a large barn lock and an ad hung on the door: “Dear customers! Our store sells lots of rolls of 1 million units. If you need only a few pieces, think about how to convince us that you need a million pieces or more! ”

Thank God, across the road I saw another bakery. A second - and I was already entering her door. The seller did not keep himself waiting:

- Do you want to buy a bun from us? We would love to, but we only serve trolley bus drivers with a height of at least 182 cm. Sorry and goodbye!

On the threshold of the third bakery, a young man smoked melancholy with a badge on his chest “junior assistant of the second seller”. After listening to my request for rolls, he gave me a critical look: "No, I'm not interested!" I tried to squeeze through the doorway, but the kid was quicker, taking him first and spreading his hands to the sides. “May I come in, I want to talk with your director! Maybe you are not interested, but he will? ”-“ Gee! If our director had a conversation with each customer, he wouldn’t even have time to eat! ”The young man said and turned his back to me, making it clear that our conversation was over.

But in the fourth bakery a pleasant surprise awaited me - the seller agreed to sell me bread, however ... no, I understand that good bread cannot be cheap, but ask for one small slice of 70% of the amount in my pocket! .. In short, I turned and left by himself.

The fifth bakery upset me with a closed door, on which, alas, there was no useful information - neither phone nor email. Nothing at all. “Wow, customer attitude,” I thought, and headed for the next bakery nearby.

The sixth bakery was the exact opposite of the fifth - that's what “small business facing the customer” means! The bakery was closed, but the ad provided all the information I needed: “Hello! Our store does not work, but everything is fine with us! If you want to chat with me about buns - I’m in California before the end of the week, and then I’ll be in Bali for two weeks - catch me there. I love everyone, like my photos! Smack! ” Judging by the style, the hostess of the bakery was a young girl. “Probably with an imported MBA diploma, with experience in Big 4, and even pretty! Oh, where are my years! ”- I fantasized as a boy, heading for the seventh bakery ...

... around which, as it turned out, REAL LIFE was boiling! From the beautiful van with the inscription “Buns”, dexterous guys in snow-white aprons took out trays with amazingly smelling (oh God, my legs started to give way to my smell!) Buns and passed them into the interior of the store. He supervised the process of a serious kind of uncle, whom I turned to about "buy rolls." “You see - we are unloading the car, we have no time!” He unexpectedly rudely replied to me, “In a year or a year and a half, come, not earlier!” Maybe you will have something left. ”

Inside the eighth bakery they were waiting for me, do not believe me - a table, a vase of cookies, a wicker chair and an immaculately looking “bakery industry analyst Sergei” (followed by a firm handshake). It immediately became clear to me that Sergey was familiar with the “bread theme” firsthand:

- Our company is not interested in “just buyers”. Yes, we do not open our arms to everyone and everyone! We choose special partners for ourselves, as well as people who are especially sensitive to the market come to us! At the moment, we are interested in buyers who are owners of coupon sites, specialized social networks for dentists, photo upload services with geotags, as well as developers of applications for calling the nearest taxi using a smartphone. Our second condition is uniqueness. We are not interested in buyers who have competitors in Russia or abroad. Only unique solutions, only new segments! We do not want to share the market with others - we create our own markets! If you satisfy both our first and second conditions at the same time, you are our client! ”

I still do not understand what happened after I rang the doorbell of the ninth bakery. The lock clicked, and the face of a suspicious type popped into the door slot. Looking at me from underneath, the type hid behind a door that slammed shut. I decided to persevere and stayed in place. After about 10 minutes, the door opened again, and already familiar eyes stared at me as if they had seen me for the first time. - "Who are you? What you need? What? Bulk? Wait a moment! ” The door closed again. After another 20 minutes, the same head popped out of the door again and saw me, again scared, again pretending to be unfamiliar to her! This time the head went on the offensive: - “Are you still here? And how long will you stand here? What do you have nothing to do? - "Listen to me! I want. Buy. You. Bulku. Bulk, do you understand or not ??? ”. The head disappeared again, so that after a while it would appear again: - “Young man, you have all our eyes been prayed for! You don’t understand the Russian language ??? ”I turned around and left.

It was evening. And I realized that if I can buy my bun somewhere, it’s only at this very Bakery, which the whole country has been talking about lately. Anger and fatigue gripped me so much that my hand rose automatically, mechanically, and after a minute a taxi with me rushed on board somewhere off the city along the Minsk highway ...
Honestly, I liked the bakery - glass, concrete. The luxury of a prosperous enterprise! They were received very kindly, just a couple of minutes later I was surrounded by a group of local employees, after which we somehow found ourselves in a cozy room with a video projector. ““ I would have bread, guys! ”I began, but the guys said that I should first tell about myself. I already did not care, and I told. Then they said that they liked me very much, that the sale of rolls was a serious matter, the process required coordination, and they urged us to call in again, this week. Cursing everything in the world, I wandered to a car still waiting for me. When we were again on the highway, my mobile phone rang unexpectedly, and a discouraged sounding voice asked: “What, have you left? Why so fast? Yes, of course, the issue has already been resolved, but how else? Yes, come back - I'll be at the back entrance. Let's go get your bun together! No, what are you, what jokes! You get a loaf, immediately at the exit you give me 30% of the loaf ... ”I hung up.

Taxi again. We are already crossing the Moscow Ring Road. I feel wild tired from all this. Maybe something is wrong with me? Everyone thinks that my desire to buy a bun is ridiculous? Ridiculous? Or maybe shameful? And after all, you will not really speak with anyone to explain - everything is on your mind, just know the doors are slamming. Some kind of absurdity ... But someone else is buying this bread from them! Or maybe this whole industry, damn it, is an invention of cunning people who are doing their own business to no-one with window-cases with delicious brown polystyrene foam sticks? Or maybe something is wrong with the buns themselves?

However, no, the industry was clearly not a “fiction” - I saw that life was in full swing behind the bakery shop windows, and well-dressed people scurried back and forth, obviously doing some interesting business — I saw it! Taxi rushed forward, I nodded, and now fragments of phrases heard on radio and television were spinning in my head:

- “Each bakery client has a personal approach! All offers are considered! ”

-“ For 9 months of 2012, sales of rolls in Russia increased by 150%! Keep it up, bakers! ”

-“ One boy bought a roll from us, and six months later Mark Zuckerberg called him! ” Worldwide success story. RBC - Russian Bakery Company!

“At a regular meeting with bakers, Dmitry Medvedev expressed full satisfaction with the pace of development of this widely demanded industry ...”

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