And at this time

    - No, this will not work! - almost shouted furious Anatoly Viktorovich. - I do not understand why I pay such - note, not small - money! How are programmers better than others? Are they any special?


    - They have a high creative component in the work, as I understand it. - How could calmly said Tatyana Vladimirovna. - Therefore, it is difficult to measure their work as a process.


    - Here I am fed up with these tales about the mystery of creative professions! Thank God, we still have no designers ... Design engineers, too, constantly refer to creativity.


    - Elena Anatolyevna, you, as HR, what can you say? - after a minute pause, having calmed down a bit, Anatoly Viktorovich asked. - Is there no practice in measuring the work of programmers? What, the whole world is suffering, pays huge money and does not understand, for what? Is there really no possibility of programming from technology, drawing as a process, measuring, setting criteria?


    - You can, of course, Anatoly Viktorovich. - A little stammering and, it seems, Elena Anatolievna began to blush with excitement. - There are several methods, many of them are fairly objective. For example, measuring the amount of software code.


    - Great, I'm glad to hear that! You have no idea how long I waited for these words! - Anatoly Viktorovich smiled, unable to hide emotions.


    - Wait a minute, but perhaps the number of lines of code and complexity, and the effort, are uniquely related? - quietly, but with some irony spoke Tatyana Vladimirovna.


    - Of course, for each specific task dependence will float. - confusedly zaratorila Elena Anatolevna. - But in general, on average, in volume - these figures can be trusted.


    - Let's try! - Anatoly Viktorovich's enthusiasm was unstoppable. - How to run such a system? What are the standards?


    - I'll do everything, Anatoly Viktorovich! - with a clear artistic determination, Elena Anatolevna loudly and clearly pronounced. - The principle of rationing is simple: we look at the number of lines of code in the last 3 months, we look at the sum of salaries, we divide one by the other - we get a quotation. We increase a little so that there is something to strive for - and more!


    - Take action!


    And at this time in the IT department


    - What did they think up there again? - sighed heavily, asked Kolyan.


    - Measure the number of lines of code, and pay us a salary for them. - said Sergey.


    - Damn, that's morons. Do not understand something - the less code, the better?


    - Well go and explain to them. - Sergey said with displeasure. - I spoke with the new hare, she doesn't care, wants to curry favor.


    - And what to curry favor with? New meaningless system of programmer motivation to do? - Kolya did not let up.


    - Become the world's first aunt, curbing programmers. - Sergey said with a smile.


    - Here is a cow pancake. Not on those attacked! We will give her so many lines of code that it’s going to count up!


    - Yes, there is nothing to think about, herachim in full. No optimization, code reuse, abstractions, and other heresies. Eh, I never thought that I would call such things heresy ...


    - Oh, here's another idea! Let's no longer use dependencies! shouted Kolyan happily.


    - It's like, without addictions, then? React throw out? Pouchdb? Alasql? From the oak fell? The system will turn up.


    - No, you do not understand. We will use, only if they are not in the node_modules, but in our folders. Well type we write them. Stupidly, the code in our modules is copied, neatly, so that all classes with methods in the field remain, and we put the lines into account!


    - Shar, Kolyan! And if someone gets to the bottom, let's say that this is fork with our wrapper, because in its pure form it is not suitable for our purposes.


    - Aha, and the whole progressive world will plow on our salary without knowing it!


    - Well, the main thing - do not overdo it, so that it does not throw much in the eye.


    - Of course, we are not fools.


    And at this time in the director's office


    - Natalya Gennadievna, I am sure that you are a professional of the highest class, and you will be able to create an effective system for measuring the work of programmers. - Anatoly Viktorovich began wearily.


    - Yes, Elena Anatolyevna, your predecessor, didn’t work very well. - with an extensive smile said Tatyana Vladimirovna.


    - DID NOT REALLY HAPPEN? - having instantly flashed, Anatoly Viktorovich jumped up from his chair. - For the quarter of using the system, I paid the programmers twice as much money! Besides, the constraint laid down in the system saved me - no more than two salaries!


    - Well, yes, and despite the fact that Elena Anatolyevna every month doubled their norms. - Tatiana Vladimirovna said in a conciliatory tone. It turns out that our programmers are able to issue six times more code for the same money.


    - And the functionality of the system almost does not change. Why then all this code? At times, tens of times more code? If to sense for business - zero.


    - Yes, there probably was a mistake in the billing system. - continued Tatyana Vladimirovna.


    - This is not a mistake, Tanya, this is inferiority. And the system, and the specialist who invented it. - Anatoly Viktorovich calmed down a bit. - Well, it's a thing of the past. Thank God, we thought about it in time, stopped this, if I may say so, motivation, and parted ways with Elena Anatolyevna.


    - Now all hope for you, Natalya Gennadyevna. - sitting back at the table, continued Anatoly Viktorovich. - How, by the way, is it correct - Natalia or Natalia?


    - Natalia. But I do not care. - Natalya Gennadievna said confidently.


    - Well, okay, otherwise we have a financial director, she has eaten all the baldness with the fact that she is Natalia. She literally stopped answering letters if a soft sign was put.


    - Content is important to me, not form. - Natalya Gennadievna began strictly and clearly. - The number of lines of code is a form. The problem solved by the lines of code is the content. This means that it is necessary to measure and pay for tasks - solved, debugged, accepted by the customer, with understandable benefits for the company.


    - Is this a common practice? - This time Anatoly Viktorovich decided not to agree immediately.


    - Yes of course. - Natalya Gennadevna continued more confidently and firmly. - Common, because simple and natural. Projects, processes, goals - these are all superstructures, which are based on atomic entities - tasks.


    - It feels like talking to a programmer. - Tatiana Vladimirovna laughed. - Atomic, entities. They still often mention metrics.


    - Of course, metrics, only here we call this KPI, or KPI. - not at all embarrassed, continued Natalia Gennadievna. - I'm not a programmer, but I have a lot of experience with this category of employees.


    - No, no, I had nothing bad in mind. - Tatyana Vladimirovna pretended to be embarrassed. - On the contrary, your knowledge of specific terminology gives us confidence that you are well aware of the specifics of the work of programmers.


    - And you can finally digitize them! - slamming palms on the table, summed up Anatoly Viktorovich.


    - And what exactly will you make the basis for the calculation? - Tatiana asked interested.


    - The number of solved problems. The amount of effort in tasks is different, but there is always an average check, like in restaurants. We take it as a basis. Want to get more - solve more problems. Everything.


    - Take action!


    And at this time in the IT department


    - What did they think up there again? - Kolya mumbled discontentedly.


    - Listen, Kolyan, you are just like a cow, which ... - began Sergey.


    - And in the melon? What a cow. - Kolyan was indignant.


    - Yes, wait a minute, you are a theatrical bull, listen to it all over again. - Sergey said conciliatory. - Do you remember the fairy tale about Kroshechka-Khavroshechka? Who came to the cow with her misfortune, she said the type of climb into my ear, get into another, and you will be happy. Well, or as the Humpbacked Horse.


    - Okay, live. So what's new in our evaluation, I apologize, for the work?


    - They will count the number of tasks, and on the basis of this number will pay a salary.


    - Damn, it's even boring. - Kolyan idly scratched his belly. - And what, the code now does not need to generate?


    - No, that's it.


    - Well, thank God, finally we will return the dependencies. I zadolbalsya in defa react'a stare.


    - What, you have a ready-made solution? According to the tasks?


    - What a ready-made solution, why are you like a little. Oh, what you only learn in your Baumanka. Even to me, PTUshnik, it is clear that you just need to increase the number of tasks.


    - Well, how to do it? Tasks are set by users.


    - Where is it written that only users can set tasks? - slyly squinted Kolyan.


    - And this is a thought ... Let me look in the job description and the process?


    Sergei pulled out of the table paper and began to dig into them hard. Kolyan, without thinking twice, ran off to smoke.


    - Listen, and true, nothing is said about who can set tasks. - Sergey continued after fifteen-minute digging in papers. - The process of coordination with the head of the initiating department is described, but there are no restrictions.


    - Very well! - said pleased Kolyan. - Only it is not necessary to become impudent, come on and through the users of the tasks, let's fix it.


    - What is it like? We quarreled with everyone until the code was generated. - Sergey asked.


    “We are with everyone, and one dude has kept the old connections.”


    - Who are you talking about? About the bearded or what?


    - About who else. Stasyan! - loudly called Kolyan.


    - Ow! - responded Stas.


    - What ay, lost in the forest or something? Come, come here. - with a wave of his hand called Kolyan. - Come on, in short, help out the department, we need you, we are a team, blah blah blah.


    - Zadolbal, say what you need - Stas muttered displeased.


    - Lift the old connections, go to the girls, sit with them, poke around in the system, collect all the glitches, inconveniences there, in the interface, you may need to move the buttons, or change the colors. And do not get out of them until the task is executed on its behalf.


    - Uh ... Does it really matter for them? How will I convince them?


    - Damn, how do you convince them to resort in the morning and kiss you on the cheek? - Kolya laughed. “To threaten to deprive them of this ... Well, how is it ... What are you giving them there ... That's what, and to threaten to strip.


    - Well, you're angry. - the picture was outraged Stas.


    - Yes, and this: one Wishlist - one task. This is all about. We do not need footcloths with lists of requirements.


    - This is already overkill, they will notice, they will dig down. - Sergey began to worry.


    - No, I recently read Lebedev’s blog that this is a cool life hack, when in one message or task there is one topic or problem.


    - Oh, well then. Throw a link, I'll save myself.


    - No problem.


    And at this time in the director's office


    - Well, Galina Sergeyevna, you all know. - the voice of Anatoly Viktorovich sounded very tired. - At the interview we also told you about the problem with the programmers, and about the unsuccessful attempts made by previous HR Directors. I honestly do not believe that the task of measuring their work can be solved.


    - In vain, Anatoly Viktorovich! - Galina Sergeevna looked (always) extremely cheerful. - Just outdated practices were used. Very outdated. I apologize, to ugly condemn their predecessors, we have an unspoken code, like doctors. But nonetheless…


    - And can you tell me in more detail, Galina Sergeevna? - quickened Tatyana Vladimirovna. - I am not aiming to gossip, I really wonder how the director. So to speak, in order to improve education.


    - Oh, yes, plenty! The first option, with the number of lines of code, is outdated twenty years ago. In those days, almost all the code was written by the programmer himself; there were no borrowings, templates, ready-made modules and libraries. The line of code was ... How to express it ... Well, in short, it was a STRING. In some places there was even line input when it could not be edited later. There were some other punched cards, such pieces of paper that could not be fixed. That's when the line was a normal unit of measurement.


    - And the second option, with tasks?


    - This is a good option, but not for the internal IT department of a large manufacturing enterprise, but, for example, for an integrator or a purely IT company that works with support in the tracker. There, the tasks are really similar on average, and on the basis of their number one can understand the contribution of each employee. In the case of a serious business, like ours, this approach is not suitable.


    - Even as not good! As in the song, I apologize, pahabnoy - "suddenly, out of nowhere, appeared in the mouth e * isya!". - Anatoly Viktorovich was indignant. - It turned out that our employees were just waiting for the opportunity to write tasks to the IT department! Three times more written than ever before!


    - Yes, this is the cost of a backward approach. The traditional mistake. - Galina Sergeyevna said with a smile.


    - Well, what are you offering? - asked Tatyana Vladimirovna.


    - Project approach. We, that is, business, are not interested in the code, are not interested in the task. Only the result, expressed in achieving the criteria for the success of the project. Made a project - get a bonus. Did not make the project, it does not matter for what reason - sit at night, on weekends, finish it. If you want a premium, of course.


    - Wait a minute, the projects are long, you won't put more than one in a month. - Tatyana Vladimirovna has begun to doubt.


    - Of course, we will have to change the payment system. Each month, programmers will receive a salary, and a bonus - once a quarter and according to the results of project implementation.


    - I'm afraid to make a mistake again. - began Anatoly Viktorovich. - But I like the design approach. I understand it. There is a specific leader, there are criteria, there is a qualitative leap in functionality.


    - Of course, this is the most modern approach. - Galina Sergeyevna supported. - The whole world lives on projects, including at the state level. It is not up to business to dig into tasks and program code. Only results, only projects.


    - I like! Take action


    And at this time in the IT department


    - Well, let's wise, think of how we will get out now. - Sergey asked maliciously.


    - What, again the power is changing? - Kolya asked displeased.


    - Yes, now everything is serious. There are no tasks, there are projects. Yes, and the premium is now quarterly, not monthly.


    - Damn, what do they have there with their heads ... As if they want to rot us here ...


    - Well, what did you want ... Maybe, p-r-o-s-t-o-r-a-b-o-t-a-t-nn-a-h-a-t-b? - sings Sergey said.


    - Just work - just receive. They want to motivate us, for some, I apologize, achievements. So get achievements.


    - Ok, the lyrics aside. What shall we do?


    - Are there any papers, regulations, or something there? How will the new system work?


    - Yes, I have in the mail. Throw off to read?


    - Come on. And roll off for half an hour, Chapay will think.


    After 15 minutes, the dialogue resumed.


    “Well, the patient is more alive than dead.” - with a slight smirk said Kolyan.


    - Come on, tell me, I'm all impatient. - Sergey told the truth.


    - Well, look, the main thing - the success criteria are determined by the project manager.


    - It is obvious that he and the head.


    - Wait to be clever, nerd. According to the position of project manager, again, there are no restrictions - they can be anyone, even cleaning lady Aunt Valya.


    - Oh, just let's not ask Bearded again to turn the logistics girls into project managers. This number is not exactly a ride.


    “There’s no such thing, but you, an asshole of a sort, with your degrees and diplomas, you’ll be quite fit for such a role.


    - Sgoditsya something shrink, and sense something? For us now the line will be built from the projects I want, represented by the heads of departments. - sadly muttered Sergey.


    - Let them line up, it’s a pity. - Kolya grinned. “We may have to play Gambit — shed one premium quarter, but discourage their desire to manage IT projects.” Do you understand?


    - Not yet, to be honest ...


    - Well, you foolish head ... To manage a project to develop and implement an information system is not only honorable, but also hellishly difficult if you take it seriously. Coordination of requirements is one thing worth it.


    - And what is it worth? If he himself wrote the requirements.


    - It seems to him that he wrote for his department. Who will come? Supply service? Personal account providers will ask?


    - Yes, I think it will come, for a long time they whine about their offices.


    - So, we immediately start the circle of hell. In the private office will be contracts - so? Typical, patterned, but it does not care. Let him go to the legal department to coordinate.


    - Well, let's go.


    - Then in accounting, because there will be invoices for payment and invoices. So?


    - So.


    - Half of the customers, so to speak, will surrender at this place. There, in fact, it is necessary not only to put your autograph, but also to really coordinate the requirements. And the same head of supply - not a tooth in the foot in the same waybills and features of the Russian Accounting System.


    - Well, let's say he can't do this without us. So what? What's next?


    - Further - like in a fairy tale. It is necessary to coordinate the procedure for verifying suppliers with the security service. And who is the best friend of the security service?


    - I do not know who?


    - What's the matter with you today ... Petrovich is their best friend.


    - Petrovich? How did the sysadmin become the best friend of the Security Council?


    - How-how ... I installed the tracker on all the computers, all the logs are given to them, already crawled, indexed, almost classified by the likelihood of a threat. And who is the head of Petrovich?


    - I.


    - And it looks more like me. - already a little aggressively pressed Kolyan. - You understand the main thing: you need to create a feeling of impossibility to manage an IT project. No, not so ... Feeling unbearable!


    - So he will just jump off, and another one will come instead.


    - And you, Seryozha, do not consider a crow, be next to a man, give a shoulder, support. Well, as these, which near the traffic police help for a couple of thousand rubles to issue a contract of sale. Or like realtors. Well, you understand. So that he always understands the workaround.


    - And what is it? What we will help paper to issue something?


    - Listen, don't annoy me. You can manage IT projects yourself. This is normal, understandable and modern. And you will give a man some honorary position, I do not know. The customer of the project, or the curator of the project - think of it yourself.


    - Oh, that's it, now I understand.


    - Well, Glory to you, Lord. - Kolyan sighed contentedly. - Only this is not enough. We must also generate projects ourselves.


    - What is it like? Internal some, technical or what?


    - Not. You know what sellers need?


    - Well, about ... CRM is necessary.


    - So initiate a project for the implementation of CRM. Let them know that the IT department can not only execute, but also offer. So to say, proactively improve the company's activities.


    - What's the point?


    - Who was the first to stand up, order and sneakers. - irritated said Kolyan. - Who initiated the project, that he directs. Especially if you show perseverance, zadolbat head of sales with their suggestions. They are all busy, they have no time to deal with such garbage as project management. And then you, the savior on a white horse - you take upon yourself all the routine and paperwork, you do the decomposition, you manage the tasks, you write the criteria, the regulations there, and the whole bureaucracy. They only get the result.


    - Oh, I get it. Okay, let's try.


    - Why try, do come on. Lift the project initiation procedure, study, and go ahead.


    - Okay, got it.


    And at this time in the director's office


    - Alexey, thank you for responding so quickly. - Anatoly Viktorovich started the meeting cheerfully. - Did you manage to study the materials on motivation systems that we sent?


    - Yes, I read on the plane.


    - What do you think?


    - Good systems, if in general. But - obsolete, if we talk about programmers.


    - I think so too, and the reality only confirms my thoughts. - trying to look confident, said Anatoly Viktorovich. - Unfortunately, we too often and trusted our HR specialists a lot. I don’t want to make such a mistake any more, that's why I invited you.


    - Alexey, is it possible in two words about your experience with programmers? - Tatiana Vladimirovna entered into a dialogue.


    - There is no need for this, Tanya. - Anatoly Viktorovich has missed her. - Alexey taught us a course on motivation systems in the EMBA, in Skolkovo. I have no doubt about his competencies.


    - No, Anatoly Viktorovich, this is not a problem. - Alexey said a little down. - Here is my business card, there is indicated my site with a large number of materials - both on completed projects and methodological, on modern concepts of building motivation systems.


    - Oh, thank you, what you need. - Tatyana Vladimirovna smiled. - Be sure to learn.


    - So, Alexey, where do you think to start?


    - With the contract, of course. - Alexey answered with a dry smile. - I sent a sample form to your email yesterday, there is also a specification specifically for your project.


    - Yes, I recieved. - Anatoly Viktorovich answered. - I gave it to the legal department for approval, this is a standard procedure. Tan, please make sure that they do not drag out and subtilize there. I trust Alexey completely.


    - If there are no objections to the amount, then I would like to start today. - Alexey said efficiently.


    - No, by the sum everything is clear, I approximately expected it. A specialist of this level can not be cheap. There, as I recall, 8 million?


    - Yes, this is for the whole system of motivation, for the entire perimeter of the company.


    - Good. Only a personal request - please pay special attention to programmers.


    - No problem. I, in fact, already have a solution for them. It remains only to clarify the details.


    - Tell me, in two words? - Anatoly Viktorovich perked up. - I have already seen three options, I had to expel three HR Directors. Now Elena Borisovna is there, a new specialist, she is completely at your disposal.


    - The key error of all past motivation systems was the orientation towards working out, no matter in which unit of measurement - projects, tasks, code, etc. - Aleksey confidently began. - So for a long time no one works. Too complicated, too costly, too shaky is the basis - the development of programmers.


    - And how, what is the secret, how do serious companies measure them? - Anatoly Viktorovich burned in impatience.


    - Grades.


    - Grades?


    - Yes, grades. Remember, on this topic was one of the lectures in the EMBA.


    “I don’t remember, honestly ...” Anatoly Viktorovich hesitated. - I missed some classes, for objective reasons.


    - Anatoly Viktorovich ... - Tatiana Vladimirovna said protractedly. - One hundred thousand euros for the course, and you miss classes.


    - Well, in the end, this is my money, Tatiana. - a little offended handed Anatoly Viktorovich. - Although, of course, I confess, I am not sinless.


    - Grades are a modern payment distribution system depending on the qualifications of the employee. - Alexey spoke clearly. - Each grade is a set of competencies, skills, duties and results that an employee must achieve. Accordingly, each grade is a separate wage level. The higher the grade, the higher the income.


    - It's like ... Qualification or something? Do our design engineers. The first is there, the second, the third one seems to be there? - at first glance, innocently asked Tatyana Vladimirovna.


    - Certain similarities are, of course. Nothing new under this moon. - on the face of Alexei appeared not very confident smile. - But the qualifications of engineers, first of all, depend on the length of service in the relevant positions. Grades are tied to qualifications, not to work experience. Although, in certain cases, in order to take into account experience, a clause on experience is entered.


    - Oh, look like ... I understood the difference, thank you.


    - OK, then, if there are no objections, I will go work with your HR. I think that within a few days grades will be ready. I will only collect some information on your programmers, systems, frameworks and give it to study my analysts, so that they estimate the gradation of competencies.


    - No objections! - Anatoly Viktorovich blurted out cheerfully. - Act!


    And at this time in the IT department


    - Oh, I see in the face, something new drags! Come on, sit down, tell me. - Kolyan was in excellent spirits.


    - Yes, pipets ... Again, a new system of motivation ... - Sergei spoke with a dull look. - This time we will not get out, in a serious way they took us.


    - Who's that? That Moscow bastard?


    - How do you know?


    - From a camel. Petrovich called, Wi-Fi turned on him on a poppy. Accent, says - Mama Do not Cry!


    - Clear. In short, we now have grades.


    - Grader?


    - Damn, the collective farm on the eighth of March. Grades, from the English “grade”, apparently. Divided into classes, or qualifications, or grades, and salaries change.


    - Bearded, drag your ass here! Right now you will be grady! You will be from the class of Paladins - semi-programmer, half-necked!


    - Kolya, good, let's be serious! - Sergey was clearly not joking. - Here your kolkhoz methods of searching for loopholes will not be rolled. Dude serious.


    - The dude is serious, only he is from Moscow.


    - So what?


    - And we - from Tagil.


    - I do not see the connection.


    - Do you see many Moscow dudes who hang out in Tagil? Last minute vouchers to Tagil where do they sell? Right in Sheremetyevo? There is no rebound from those who wish?


    - What are you getting at? - feeling that Kolyan already knows the solution, but being afraid to believe it to the end, Sergey asked.


    “To the fact that this guy will write you requirements on ... how are they ...”


    “Grades.”


    - Yes, grades, and roll. On this his contract will end, I am sure. Will he not sit here and wait for the results?


    - Well, let's say ... But no, why not? He is a consultant.


    - Have you seen a lot of consultants who subscribe FOR RESULT?


    - Yes, I generally saw some consultants. - looking at the ceiling muttered Sergey.


    - Well, those assholes 1Sniki, who put Bitriks here before us, and said that this is an ERP-system, and then they piled it up and don't pick up the phone now - consultants? - fun asked Kolyan.


    - It seems so, it’s written on their website. Even then, the implemented solution was published, such as they carried out a consultancy project for us. I also helped lawyers write a letter, demanding to remove our name from this embedded solution.


    - Well, why will it be different here? Those bitrixsoids, too, were from Moscow?


    “Okay, I get it.” Dump it. What's next?


    - And nothing. We will fall back a little bit again, in a month or two we will catch up. Have you seen these papers? Well, with the requirements.


    - He said that he had not finished yet, but he gave something.


    - So, what do we have here ... Constant expansion of competencies in the used and new frameworks ... The use of communication skills ... Responsibility for the workflows ...


    - This is what you read? - Sergey was surprised. - There seemed to be less text.


    - The most expensive grade, what else. Shoot, so shoot. - Kolyan sang his favorite hit (or smash hit).


    - I wish your optimism ...


    - Learn while I'm alive. - with a simulated superiority said Kolyan.


    - Okay, O Great Teacher, what do you say about grades?


    - Freebie, easier than with projects. Here look. Constant expansion of competencies ... So ... In the frameworks used ... Oh, not only in the used ones, but also in the new ones!


    - And what, we will study new frameworks?


    - Why not? I always wanted Angular to smoke. That moment has come. God, I still pay for it!


    - Kolyan, did you eat shit? What is angular? We have everything on react'e. You tell me all the time about the beauty of react'a tell, and here ...


    - Uh, you do not confuse the conversation about technology and about salary. If you need to smoke Angular to get the prize, let's smoke Angular. Damn it, I will even find and download Delphi and make you a DBMS on Paradox 7, with reports on Fast Report. Or, God forgive me, I will sit down for 1C.


    - Oh, you mean what ... And how do we combine react and angular in one application?


    - A good, interesting, engineering challenge. By the way, you can also share it with the sauce of learning new frameworks.


    - Ok, I understand you. We will discuss when the dude will wash off to Moscow so that there are no extra questions. With the rest of what?


    - Well, there is generally a freebie. Communication skills, responsibility ... How many projects do we have now? Those who are still with the old system of motivation left?


    - Right now ... Eight like.


    - Well, everything. Three to you, three to me, two to Bearded.


    - In terms of? What does it mean?


    - Well, you're stupid, and ... delegate project management! I will manage three projects, to Bearded more than two, and to you, our beauty, we will give the three most delicious ones.


    - What is the meaning of something? So we are doing these projects, no one wants to get in touch with us, demands and acts are signed with a bang.


    - The meaning is in the formal project management, the essence of which is responsibility and communication. One to one - the requirements of the highest grade. Immediately become high elves, without jumping over the mountains for the development of acrobatics.


    - And who will believe that Bearded can lead the project?


    - Hmm ...


    - Uh, what are you doing? I give you some kind of loshara? - outraged Stas. “Send me to the courses, that's all.”


    - What courses to you fuck ... - Kolya said thoughtfully. - And stop, it's an idea! Serge, come on, sit down, look!


    - What to look for?


    - Damn, the most lokhovskie courses on project management! To quickly, inexpensively and with some crust!


    - So do not give the same.


    - What will not give something, you have forgotten the position or what? The head of the department can send to the training of any employee, with payment within 10 tr. - without coordination! We sent Petrovich to the recreation center, their sisadmin get-together is like a course designed.


    - Ok, I'll try ... Damn, I do not even know where to start. In universities, what to see?


    - Yes, what are the universities, there for half a year brains are humming! Oh, let's see in 1C offices? Remember, these waffles showed us their certificates, some kind of yellow ones, it was written there that they were all project managers.


    - Well, yes it seems ... Damn, are you serious? Do 1Snikov learn project management?


    - Yes, I even learn from the Hubologists, if quickly and in grade. You let it, Ponte your Bauman forget it, here is real life. All diverge one by one. Look for courses, hold your nose in the wind, look at the dude. Petrovich will help.


    - Okay, got it.


    And you this time in the director's office


    - Anatoly Viktorovich, everything has long been invented. All the motivation systems that you have implemented have one major drawback - they are not from IT. This is a classic attempt to pull an owl on a globe.


    - Owl on the globe? - Anatoly Viktorovich asked lazily.


    - There is such an expression, about the use of unsuitable theoretical models for solving practical problems.


    - Oh, I get it. Okay, Boris, let's get down to business. What decision are you talking about?


    - The solution is simple - ITIL. This is a technique for organizing IT services. Everything is written there, counted, automated. Just take and use.


    - You know, Boris, you are already the fifth who tells me that. - Anatoly Viktorovich did not try to hide his skepticism.


    “But I am the first one who is not“ somehow connected with IT ”, or“ once worked with IT ”. I am a person from IT. And I know how to measure the work of programmers.


    - OK I understood. Let's get the point.


    - Essence - metrics. Measurement or result of work, or lack of problems. If there are no problems and the result is good, you get your salary. If the system stood for half a day - sorry, my friend, you had to take action before the onset of the crisis.


    - It’s clear about downtime, you can discuss it. And how to measure work?


    - ITIL's classic metrics is ... So, now ... Where is it ... And here it is! The most suitable for you: the number of closed problems with the status of "solved", "number of orders", or even "the number of completed orders". Dresses are like tasks. "The number of changes" is still possible ... "The number of releases."


    - Boris, I apologize, I have an urgent call. - Anatoly Viktorovich reached into his pocket, apparently behind the phone. Hand out of pocket did not reach. Sound and vibration, for some reason, was not heard. - Could you wait for us in another meeting room? Light holds you.


    - Yes, no question, I understand everything!


    “He understands ...” said Anatoly Viktorovich angrily when Boris came out. - Tan, I can not anymore. We again go in a circle. What does he grind there? The number of outfits?


    - Yes, it seems so. Something more about the number of problems and releases.


    - Well, this is not at any gate. - Anatoly Viktorovich’s voice was getting tired again. - We have already paid for lines of code, for tasks, for projects, for hell, understand what. And this, I beg your petition, dick from the mountain tells us about some metrics that are the same thing.


    - Yes, I also noticed some similarities. - quietly said Tatyana Vladimirovna. - I didn’t want to express doubts aloud, you didn’t have time to introduce Boris to me in advance. Is he also with EMBA?


    - Yes, what is there ... Although, what's the difference ... I was here alone with the EMBA. - Anatoly Viktorovich laughed wearily. - This friend advised, he says - an intelligent guy, he introduced something to him at the factory.


    - Want to work with him?


    - No, I do not want to. I do not want anyone.


    - Well, these are emotions, Anatoly Viktorovich. Do not give in to them, you know, this is destructive. Just take a pause, the decision will come by itself.


    - A good idea ... take a pause ... Yes, let's pause! For the whole weekend - to the recreation center, to the lake, to the bath and fishing!


    “Mmm, that sounds tempting ...”


    - Will you go?


    - No, alas, there are many plans.


    - So, and I'm going with whom? Wife with what? No, she is in Cyprus until the end of the month.


    - Well, I do not know ... Maybe someone from the staff? For team building? Sellers, like last time?


    - Nah, listen! Programmers! Come on programmers!


    - Right? You never really talked with them.


    - Seriously? I think I know them as peeled ones, all the secrets of their profession. Yes, it does not matter ... Let's programmers.


    - Ok, now I'm going to see Sergey. I'm not sure that everyone will go - they are probably introverts.


    - Make to go, Tan. You are welcome.


    - I will try, Anatoly Viktorovich.


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