Phantom Products (Vaporware) for 11 years. Article Two - 2000-2001

Original author: Vaporware Team
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This is the second article from the translation series of the annual Vaporware series from the Wired website, this time 2000 and 2001. Since several articles are included here at once, the link after the topic will point to an article about 2010, at the end of which there are links to all years.
In view of the slightly diluted style of the originals, I omitted or reduced some places, especially games that are often repeated (hi ​​Duke). Nevertheless, what he translated, tried to translate as close as possible to the meaning of the original. I also remind you that the list was compiled on the basis of letters from readers, it primarily reflects the expectations and wishes of IT people, the spirit of that time.

So, the year “000” passed, and many of the products promised to us remained on paper, or rather, on our monitors.
The list again did not include products that did fall into our hands, even if they were sucks. Netscape 6 may have crushed all our dreams, but still came out. As well as Playstation 2 - even if you didn’t get it, some wealthy individuals were lucky.

10. Tribes 2. Sierra Studios 18 months ago promised us “team fights on an epic scale,” and since then the game has regularly flashed in the gaming press. With a release date of "Wait in Speed."
“It seems that they have a basement with hamsters drawing screenshots, and the rest of the development team was sent home long ago,” said Maria Smith.

09. Wireless Internet Tablets. They still can not be found in the afternoon with fire, poems are even written about it:
“I want one on the refrigerator, one in my den,
With a tablet under my arm I want to stretch my legs.
A wired network, an old woman — she’s 100 years old at dinner,
Remember comrade, Klava - a fool, well done - a tablet. "
Philip Kosler.

08. Bluetooth. The anticipation of Bluetooth, the new short-range wireless protocol this year, has peaked. A bunch of companies showed us their Bluetooth products at numerous trade shows. But so far we have not succeeded in finding at least one on the shelves of stores.
“Bluetooth gadgets were waiting in stores for Christmas 2000,” said Jeff Osbourne. - So where?".
“Bluetooth technology seems to be in development since 1994,” writes Ghad Gruka. - I thought that it would be completed in less than 6 years. No, seriously, almost 4 generations of Intel computer chips have been replaced during this time. For the development of communication technology over short distances, even 4 years should be enough for the eyes. ”

07. Silicon Film's Electronic Film System . This company, formerly known as “Imagek”, attracted a lot of media attention with its Electronic Camera Film system, a new-fangled device that turns ordinary film cameras into digital ones. BusinessWeek even wrote about them, but they won’t be able to buy them.
Translator’s note - an Internet search showed that it was supposed to be a device that was identical in format to the film reel, inserted into the corresponding compartment of any soap dish. Nothing happened.
“Imagek ​​has been promising us its digital film system for more than three years, but so far it’s just twisting the release date counter on its website,” says Brook Adam. - Phantom? Rather, just a myth. Imagek ​​is rightly named, their main area of ​​activity is Imagination. ”

06. Warcraft 3. Blizzard dragged on something a lot with the continuation of its game Warcraft 2.
“My vote for phantom products this year is sent ... (drum roll) ... a Warcraft 3 game that was never created by Blizzard Studios,” writes Steve McCohen. - They have been developing the sequel to their game for many years, but we still only play “teasers”, the box with the finished product is still far away. "Guys, stop showing us the" development ", the fans are already starting to get angry."

05. Chips Intel Itanium. Two years ago, Intel told us that by the summer of 2000 we will have new, powerful, 64-bit chips for user machines and servers. But now the delivery date of Itanium (also known as IA-64 and Merced) sailed away from us so confidently that the “Register” edition called them “Itanik”.
“I’ve heard about them since 1997, but it looks like we’ll see a new Amiga earlier than these chips,” said Nathan Wols.

04. The New Linux Kernel. Linus Torvalds promised us version 2.4 by December. Where is she? Well ...
"The biggest phantom of 2000 is the Linux 2.4 kernel," writes Sean Wallbridge. “I love Linux, but we have been hearing“ Soon, Soon ”from them for a very long time.

03. Black and White. Lionhead Studios won the Best E3 Show Game Award this year for its sophisticated God simulator by renowned designer Peter Molenux. Crowds of fans drooling over it at E3 were promised a miracle until the end of the year, but the game, which had already expired for several years, did not condescend to them in the 2000th.
“I developed a simple form for calculating the B&W release date,” writes Haydn Schulz. “Release date = today's date + 3 months.”

02. Duke Nukem Forever.3Drealms began working on it in 1997, setting the release date in January 1998. Needless to say, he still has not come out. Officially, the release date is now "as soon as ready," according to the company's website.

01. Mac OS X. Last year, the champion was Microsoft Windows 2000, an all-deferred Windows update. This year, the crown moves to Apple for Mac OS X, the all-deferred makoshi update.
M. Kaiser said that the endless expectation of “decent OSes” from Apple forced him to switch to the dark side.
“I'm so tired of waiting ... I became a PC fan from a Mac fan,” he writes. “Now I even like Bill Gates ... Horror.”
True, Michael Boek, a Windows user, said he would love to “drop the chains of dependence on Microsoft.”
“OS X seems to allow me to do this,” he writes, “unless of course it is ever released. And if until then Apple would not go bankrupt on stupid Cube products. ”
“I won’t find words to express how I am waiting for her,” writes Jason Tibbits. “But she is still gone.”


10. Inderma . These guys called themselves killers of corporate hippos and promised to release an open console that could defeat Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo . Translator's note - The hippopotamus in this context is a biblical monster that is closest to the unit from the Heroes of Might and Magic 3 . True, all the available information tells us that this company has released in its life only a couple of worthless press releases.
“If only they would tear their backs off the sofas and do this damn thing, instead of drawing 3D renderings and fantasizing about the SDK,” says our reader Tim Toner, who had high expectations for the console, “they would already have a network of fanatical developers terrifying big market players. " However, these biggest players last year felt pretty good on the game market, but Inderma died quietly.

9. Peekabooty. While governments are gradually tightening their grip on cyberspace - it's time for us to get Peekabooty, enthusiasts have advocated. It was supposed to be a tool for working on the network with “anti-censorship” functionality, promised last year, but never released by a group of cultural enthusiasts “Cult of the Dead Cow” (CoDC).

8.Artificial Intelligence. It seems like by 2001 we should already have talking, thinking, “living” computers?
So far we have received Spielberg’s film, but even if there were robots there, it still doesn’t count. Jimmy Sangerman spoke out about the lack of “real promotion” at Cyc Corporation, a very old project led by Douglas Lenat. To be honest, that “Cyc” is not quite a phantom - for example, some of its achievements are used in network tools. “But I'm not a system administrator,” said Sangerman, “I just wanted to see something profound.”
Nice argument. So where are our robots?

7. Digiscents iSmell.The digital age of Smell-O-Vision began on the cover of our magazine. “This smell!” The headlines sounded, but even this was not enough to make the cool idea a reality. Note by the translator. Smell-O-Vision - a system that produced a variety of flavors in the cinema in support of the film. It was used only for 1 film in 1960, but became very known as a concept .
The main product of the company, which never entered the market, was called iSmell, and was supposed to be the first personal personal fragrance synthesizer. The company’s press secretary assured us that they would connect it to the computer, just like speakers, but instead of the sound of explosions, it would give off their haze.
There were even working prototypes of the device at exhibitions and press shows to convince us of the existence of technology. But in April, Digiscents started having cash problems and the company doors closed. “I know that the damn thing worked: the prototype was on my desk,” said John Hayes, one of the readers who suggested adding iSmell to the list. “That is why such annoyance takes me.” Because of their unsuccessful attempt, this technology will move away from us for a few more years. ”

6. Silicon Film's Electronic Film System . There were still hopes, but since 2000 nothing has changed in general.

5. 3G networks.Unless you are one of these mega-businessmen in Tokyo, most likely you have heard about third-generation mobile networks, but you have never had a chance to try them. For many years, operators have been repeating the same thing, they say, high-speed data transfer complete with video and audio right on your phone already looms around the next legislative and technical angle. But Carlos Solvestrini writes to us: “I can’t find for myself even a device that supports third-generation communications, and not just a company that would serve it. It seems like a grandiose “mobile revolution” is taking place now, but if nowhere are there any phones or a network for the test, then is it really happening? ”

4. Team Fortress 2. Valve Software has been promising us this breakthrough multiplayer game for a couple of years now. The company's website describes it as “a mixture of role-playing action and combat partnership, as in classic films about the war,” but many readers doubt that the development is underway.
“It was one of the first shooters to venture off the beaten track,” writes Mike Parker. “Unfortunately, having turned off, he hid in the bushes, and we didn’t see him again.”

3. Photoshop for OS X. Apple’s new operating system is a great thing, but the company would probably have gathered more praise from fans if they could finally put Photoshop on it.
Rumor has it that we will see at least a beta version in the next couple of months, but this answer clearly did not suit those who want to play Photoshop on their new Mac today. Note by the translator. Photoshop tennis is an analogue of photo-toads, only the changes in the pictures are accumulative, that is, you are not the original toad, but the image of the previous player.
“In the morning money, in the evening chairs! - says Julia Macklin. “I suggest this: Let the accounting department from Cupertino (Apple’s California headquarters) arm with pitchforks and torches, and come to San Jose to Adobe’s gates demanding bread and photoshop, otherwise sales will suffer.”

2. Warcraft III.Some fans of the series already perceive Blizzard’s actions as a personal insult, for example, Taj Kelly writes to us: “So many have never broken the hopes of the leisureliness of such a small group of people.” Last year he said the same thing, and since then Warcraft III has not become less phantom. When asked to comment on this fact, a Blizzard spokeswoman said the delay was “a typical company style,” because they want to make sure the game meets their personal standards.

1. The king, or rather the duke of phantoms in 2001, became ... Duke Nukem Forever. Translating this item in detail doesn’t make much sense, I’ll just write that in this cycle you will hear about it more than once. The guys from Wired even joked about a script that would automatically add it to the list.
In 2001, an inscription appeared on the 3-D Realms website that some people even remember from gaming magazines. "There is no date. We don't know any date. If you have a friend who claims they have 'inside info,' or there's some game news site, or some computer store at the mall who claims they know - they do not. They are making it up. There is no date. Period. ”“ There is no date. We do not know her. If you have a friend with “insider information”, or a gaming site, or a store around the corner where they “know” - they don’t know. They drive. There is no date. The point. ”

Holger Kleinsorgen suggested that in the future the expression“ after Thursday’s rain ”will be replaced by“ after the release of Duke Nukem Forever ”, and Denis Murphy is glad that at least in some ways his grandchildren will understand him - they are also waiting for Duke.

P.S. Today announced a new release date for Duke - May 3 this year.

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