Apple introduced a new iPhone that only the most loyal customers can see

    Thousands of loyal Apple customers have already bought the virtually weightless iPhone 3GI
    (almost free translation from The ONION ) in



    San Francisco. Seeking to revolutionize the mobile communications industry, Apple launched its most powerful and fastest iPhone, an innovative model that only Apple’s most dedicated customers can see.

    “Today, I am proud to present to those who really deserve our most incredible iPhone,” announced Apple CEO Steve Jobs, extending his seemingly empty left hand to the eagerly crowding crowd. “This is not only our lightest and thinnest model; The main thing in it is that only a true adherent of Apple can see it clearly. This is the most unusual device that has ever been developed in our laboratories. ”




    The crowded audience responded to Jobs's words with grave silence, replaced after a couple of minutes by a storm of applause. Hundreds of men and women suddenly jumped up from their seats and shouted: “I see him!”, “Look, there he is!” and "God, how beautiful he is!"

    From time to time, one could hear separate exclamations: "Yes, yes, I certainly see him too."

    According to Apple, the new iPhone 3GI uses serious innovations both in hardware and in software: the speed of work has been significantly increased and the multi-touch interface has been improved, offering those who are cool enough, an unforgettable experience. The widescreen screen, according to available information, also conveys an image of exceptional quality, color and resolution, which until recently could not even be imagined.

    “The new iPhone 3GI is as light as air,” said Philip Schiller, senior vice president of Apple, opening an empty box (in all likelihood to get his handset on it). “Look how thin he is. It seems that he is not here at all. "

    “Those who really understand what we do at Apple will surely enjoy the new product,” Schiller continued. “Unless, of course, they really love us.”

    Retailed for $ 599, the new iPhone 3GI is offered only to those customers who believe in Apple more than any other company in the world and those who have never dreamed of doing so - running dozens of powerful applications at the same time. In addition, the new device offers Apple fans an HD camcorder, one-touch editing in Final Cut Pro and cut and paste.

    Like thousands of other shoppers, New Yorker Kelly Delaney pretended to be sick so she wouldn’t appear at work, instead taking a line at the central Apple Store in New York a few days before the official launch of the new 3GI.



    “God, I can’t believe how much faster I can connect to the network,” said Delaney, leaving the store with her hand clasped to her ear and painting her wrist with how wonderful the new device is. "The sound is so clear, and the technique is so sure that it doesn't matter where you are."

    “Wait a second,” Delaney continued, suddenly starting to shake her hand up and down. “The battery seems to be dead in the phone.”

    According to Apple, the phone went on sale simultaneously in 22 countries and on the first day a record 8 million units were sold.

    “The color choices are amazing,” Paul Conrad, a resident of Fairfield, Wyoming, who bought the devices in black, white and silver, told us right away. “He not only looks great, but also works flawlessly as long as you believe in him,” he continued.

    “Unfortunately, the AppleCare insurance program does not cover the risks associated with the fall of your device, so I recommend buying one of the designer protective cases for the new iPhone 3GI,” Conrad added in conclusion.

    While the new iPhone was enthusiastically accepted by most of the audience for its impressive technical specifications, some Americans remain skeptical.

    “Dad is not talking to anyone,” said four-year-old Ella Conrad, pointing to her father, Paul, staring at an invisible phone, playing with him and installing new programs from the moment of purchase on Monday. "Dad says he is waiting for a response from the operator."


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