Why Microsoft buys Yahoo: the real reason

    A bit of American "humor." At least it’s clear what I

    ’m thinking about over the hill ... Once Scott McNealy, founder and chairman of Sun, read out in a morning newspaper that Java was used less often, preferring something called 'The LAMP Stack' . Enraged, he called his accountant.

    Scott : I knew from the start that Java is crap! I see only one way out - we need to buy a Lamp!

    Accountant : But LAMP is not a company, it is an acronym for Linux, Apache, MySQL and PHP.

    Scott : then we will buy Linux!

    Accountant : but we still have Solaris ...

    Scott : Then buy me Apache!

    Accountant : You can’t buy anything there.

    Scott: Then buy me MySQL!

    Accountant : But we do not deal with databases.

    Scott : Is that a DB?

    Accountant : Where have you been all this time?

    Scott : Great. I can get Lamp about pissing Oracle at the same time! (waves a fake plastic magic wand) So be it!

    And so it happened.

    Ten days later, the Microsoft CEO flipping through CIO Magazine read about an interesting thing called PHP, with which, according to the author, you can print “What is this?”. This undoubtedly more advanced version of "Hello World" interested him. So he calls Bill Gates.

    Steve : Hey, did you hear anything about PHP?

    Bill: Senile incontinence (Pee Age Pee)? You seem not to be so old, are you?

    Steve : What? No, it's such a programming language, probably better than ASP.NET

    Bill : So no one cares about improving it. I mean, we made the most crap OS ever and we are cool anyway. (Have you tried Leopard yet? It's SUCH cool)

    Steve : Well, I don’t know, Billy ... remember the Internet, which we have not known for years? We almost lost sight of him.

    Bill : Right. But haven't we acted as always? Worst browser and biggest market, what's wrong?

    Steve : Yeah, but we also didn't know anything about mp3 before it was too late.

    Bill: We really could make Zune the worst player, but for some reason did not become the market leader. Where are we screwed up?

    Steve : Maybe other times just came? Maybe we need a different strategy?

    Bill : Ok, so let's buy PHP.

    Steve : This is not a company. But Encarta says it is written by Rasmus Lerdorf.

    Bill : So let's hire him.

    Steve : Tried, he doesn’t want. Do not blame him, he works at Yahoo.

    Bill : Then, I guess we will buy Yahoo.

    And it happened

    The two highest-profile statements of the month, and both are part of a conspicuous plot to enslave LAMP. So, what is next? My prediction: Red-Hat will buy Zend; Oracle will buy Red-Hat; Sun and IBM will team up to buy Oracle, Microsoft will buy Sun, destroy IBM and the world will reign in the galaxy.

    PS Can you imagine a working site from Microsoft like Flickr? These guys came up with MS Paint!

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