Development speed

Original author: Lorne Kates
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“Explain to me what kind of garbage!”

Alice, a new employee, threw Jimmy a stack of documents on the keyboard and hung over him with her arms crossed.

He pressed “cancel” and looked at the documents. It was a full description of the ERP-system with the stamp of "high importance" - a new initiative of managers for which they were generously rewarded, requiring programmers to "invest" in their own work.

“For the first project, it’s very ambitious,” he said. “Maybe it’s worth starting with a simpler task in order to find out our code first?”

“I worked with a computer no less than someone with your“ knowledge ””, Alice snapped, “Do not underestimate me, as the goats did last work. "

“My apologies,” replied Jimmy, who did not want to become that goat who refused to help newcomers. “So what are your problems?”

“With that,” she said, laying out the documents on his desk. “Everything is written in some stupid cipher. How can I fill it if it is completely meaningless? ”

He blinked in puzzlement. She showed printouts of the current system code. Maybe she did not use VB before? “What language

did you use in your past work?” “Of course English,” she grinned.

Jimmy grinned, but when he saw how her stern and pale face became even stricter, he realized that she was not joking.

“What do you think, if I was a secretary, and I was forced to speak Mexican, I forgot American?”

"What? No! ”Said Jimmy, raising his hands. “I mean, did you use Java? Pearl? What computer programming language did you use? ”

“ Programming language? Not everyone is required to understand your abstruse terms for ordinary words, ”she snapped. “I used Excel.”

Jimmy blinked. Of course, it is not his business to determine someone’s qualifications, but has the management really hired her as a programmer? Nevertheless, the master who blames the instruments for everything is bad. Now she is in his team, which means her problems and his problems too.

“Well ... did you use macros?” He asked.

“Of course!”

“Well ... In general, if you coped with them, you can program. VeBe is like Excel, but another ... "

He showed her in VB an analog of a macro that she knew, and those that she did not know either. He showed her how to access the repository, create a new project, manage the graphics and work with the corresponding code, explained the syntax and structure of VB and told how to commit the code upon completion of work.

In this project, he worked many times more than in any other, but they completed it on time and did not lose the bonus.

He did not meet his schedule, but it took only a few days of unpaid processing to be in time. Of course, all this was worth it to get another working hands to help.

For about a month, Jimmy watched Alice's code. And there were many. Although she passed project after project through her, her code was not completely perfect. He attributed this to the excusable fears of a junior developer. He corrected and rewrote something, leaving detailed comments. Of these, he created a wonderful guide and sent it to Alice along with several tips on how she could improve her work.

A minute later she attacked him.

“Stop putting your name on what I did for so long!” She said menacingly.

“I just added some useful comments and corrections,” Jimmy said reassuringly. "Just to make sure that everything works exactly as it should."

“Don't even try to take my prize away. I finally began to earn how much I deserve, and all you did was change a couple of lines from a thousand! ”

“ A couple of lines ”actually made the code not just compiling, but working. A typical mistake is a beginner, but he himself was once a beginner. “Just doing my job: making sure everything is in order,” he said calmly, trying to cheer her up.

“I don't need this,” she threw. “Have you seen productivity reports?” You always lag behind me. I don’t understand how you even managed to do anything before my arrival! ”

“ Actually, I can do more when I do only my work ”- his calm tone began to fade. “But if so, if we work in a team, from now on, think for yourself how your talents can be useful to the whole team.”

She nodded: “You know, I will do so.”

Arriving at work on Monday, he was not surprised to see Alice packing.

“If you need guidance ...,” Jimmy began.

She waved it off. "I do not need. I now understand that the amount of work that I do is what everyone else should strive for. The management also thinks so, now I'm the new head of development, and I will put this poorhouse in order ”

Jimmy scrolled the dock file. He did not know what this code was for, but there were many. He looked at the sloppy fat man, one of Alice's new recruits. “If you want me to look at your code, use VeBe files and not the dock, okay?”

“Actually, I have a Word certificate,” snapped the new one and crossed his arms.

"Just ..." he decided to ignore. “Just use Visual Studio. Okay? ”

Jimmy watched him go. He hardly recognized the office. Where his colleagues used to sit, there were empty tables or strangers, with the badges of a recruiting company that also hired Alice.

His observations were interrupted by one of the newcomers, who appeared nearby.

“Listen, where can I get the key to the 2005 studio?”

“Um ... We're using the 2000th,” Jimmy replied. Management has always relied on software released after two thousand years.

"Damn, I found only torrent with two thousand and five, and keygen does not work."

Jimmy got up and, without even despising a computer, headed for Alice’s office. He closed the door behind him.

“If we don't hire programmers,” he went straight to the point. "We will not be in time for the deadline."

“Stop hysteria,” she threw, launching a new solitaire game. “I called my staff agency.”

He could have sworn what he said about the "programmers." “Maybe we should share ways of hiring?” Try another agency? ”

“ I got a volume discount from these. ”

“But I'm sure those you hired do not have all the necessary skills.”

“Skills ?!” she slammed the laptop shut. “I'm not going to spend company money on all sorts of nonsense. Elitists like you want to grab yourself all the decent places, hiding behind a bunch of certificates, but I did it without a single one! ”

“ Although it surprises me that you have grown to this position, ”Jimmy said in the calm and diplomatic tone of a serial killer. “I believe that investing in people with several years of programming experience is more competent and will allow us to save at least training.”

“What is the training? You yourself said that all this is like Excel. This work, if you do not powder anyone's brain, is nothing more than data entry. They can print, which means they can program faster and better. ”

After listening, Jimmy used all his programming skills to write a resume - as quickly and as best as possible.

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