The charm of bad guys or why girls do not like "nerds"
The previous publications from Dmitry Kotkin (head of the St. Petersburg school of negotiators "SHIP") have collected many interesting comments and have been deservedly marked by your votes:
We decided to continue communication with this interesting author and invite you to chat with him live.
Of course, here we will not discuss scientists involved in the study of the plant world of our planet. We will analyze the bad guys' negotiation strategies.
Ever thought about the charm of the “bad guys”?
Why do girls in school prefer "bullies" rather than "nerds." Why the guy who is rude to teachers, smokes at breaks and rides a motorcycle has more sex appeal? I send faxes to the passing police. Indeed, deviant behavior is socially dangerous. A man who climbs the roof of a gutter to a dormitory for girls is to be condemned, because he can fall on the head of a random passerby and kill him, because he can just wait until the hostel opens in the morning. It is not clear why this is an “anti-hero," admiring female looks greet.
Because a woman feels strength in such behavior, a willingness to go beyond the rules imposed by society. “Bad guy” is a source of adrenaline for a woman, he makes her life interesting, unpredictable, he shows how you can live outside the framework and rules. He is a hunter who looks every woman in the eye, and the "nerd" is afraid to do this. Communication with him allows you to know the world beyond the usual borders.
Scientists, botanists, however, will say that this is just a sign of a high level of testosterone in the blood. How does this relate to the negotiations? Take your time, a connection will definitely be found. But a high level of testosterone in negotiations with women, the male negotiator will definitely not hurt.
Contemporaries considered Columbus an idiot and a loser, because they knew exactly what to get to India, moving from east to west - this is impossible, because it is too far away. And trying to go this way is to condemn yourself to death. Which did not stop Columbus from returning home as a winner. From the layman’s point of view, Columbus was a “bad guy”, because not only did he make a mistake, he also led a crowd of people.
And there are many such examples. We like to watch action films about bad guys, we like to represent ourselves as a bad guy, but in real life we often behave like nerds. In order to win difficult negotiations, it is important to be able to be different, including the “bad guy”.
What prevents to try on the role of a “bad guy”?
Much, first of all, fear, which is a social regulator. How to protect yourself from the usual fear, “what will others say about me if I do this?”
The first thing that will help us is humor. To test the seriousness of a crazy idea, treat it at the start as a humorous idea. Humor dramatically depreciates the situation, making it not serious. Humor raises your social status, it makes you more attractive and reduces the judgment of others.
But, if your sense of humor is bad, then it’s better not to risk it.
Treat the situation like a game. Imagine that you are simply participating, acting in a feature film, where you are the main character and you have the right to change the script of the film. If you want to go further, imagine that you are generally a spectator who sits in an empty auditorium and watches a modern comedy on a production topic.
If you have difficulty with imagination, and the screen does not appear before your eyes, try to get used to the role of the “bad guy” before starting negotiations. Use the Stanislavsky method!
Choose yourself a literary or cinematic negotiator. It can be Cardinal Richelieu, Sherlock Holmes or Ostap Bender. Close your eyes, imagine that you are this very literary hero. Your brain is in the body of Ostap Bender. In your mind's eye, go over your new body, imagine how you are dressed, what you are dressed in, how you are in this, speak out loud (this is important). Then walk around the room, looking at familiar things with Ostap's gaze. Say a few phrases from the role of Ostap, scream a few phrases from the role of Ostap, feel the reality as Ostap Bender felt it. Of course, getting used to the role is much easier at the training, where the coach does it, but if you are tense, you can feel like a “bad guy” for some time. Try to remember this state at the level of bodily sensations, your body must remember the posture, voice, manner of an imaginary hero. Your task is to recall this state when you sit at the negotiating table.
This can be done by returning to the sensations of the body or by uttering a code phrase with intonation, the manner of Ostap Bender.
And then, do not think about the goals and objectives of the negotiations, release your body, your subconscious, and she will do everything in the best possible way.
But the main thing is of course internal attitudes, internal barriers, they are the main obstacle to achieving the goal, but everything can change if you are not afraid to take risks, try and analyze. Well, if there are difficulties with this, come to our webinar.
October 21, 2014, 20:00 Moscow time, we will hold a free webinar from our studio in St. Petersburg, “Non-standard logic of negotiating, or if you want to win, break the rules . ”
Participation is free upon registration
- How to repay debt from former employers or about cunning negotiation strategies
- How to discuss money at an interview if you hire someone and a little about working with people
- How to discuss money at the interview: negotiation strategy for the applicant
We decided to continue communication with this interesting author and invite you to chat with him live.
The charm of bad guys or why girls do not like "nerds"
Of course, here we will not discuss scientists involved in the study of the plant world of our planet. We will analyze the bad guys' negotiation strategies.
Ever thought about the charm of the “bad guys”?
Why do girls in school prefer "bullies" rather than "nerds." Why the guy who is rude to teachers, smokes at breaks and rides a motorcycle has more sex appeal? I send faxes to the passing police. Indeed, deviant behavior is socially dangerous. A man who climbs the roof of a gutter to a dormitory for girls is to be condemned, because he can fall on the head of a random passerby and kill him, because he can just wait until the hostel opens in the morning. It is not clear why this is an “anti-hero," admiring female looks greet.
Because a woman feels strength in such behavior, a willingness to go beyond the rules imposed by society. “Bad guy” is a source of adrenaline for a woman, he makes her life interesting, unpredictable, he shows how you can live outside the framework and rules. He is a hunter who looks every woman in the eye, and the "nerd" is afraid to do this. Communication with him allows you to know the world beyond the usual borders.
Scientists, botanists, however, will say that this is just a sign of a high level of testosterone in the blood. How does this relate to the negotiations? Take your time, a connection will definitely be found. But a high level of testosterone in negotiations with women, the male negotiator will definitely not hurt.
Contemporaries considered Columbus an idiot and a loser, because they knew exactly what to get to India, moving from east to west - this is impossible, because it is too far away. And trying to go this way is to condemn yourself to death. Which did not stop Columbus from returning home as a winner. From the layman’s point of view, Columbus was a “bad guy”, because not only did he make a mistake, he also led a crowd of people.
And there are many such examples. We like to watch action films about bad guys, we like to represent ourselves as a bad guy, but in real life we often behave like nerds. In order to win difficult negotiations, it is important to be able to be different, including the “bad guy”.
What prevents to try on the role of a “bad guy”?
Much, first of all, fear, which is a social regulator. How to protect yourself from the usual fear, “what will others say about me if I do this?”
The first thing that will help us is humor. To test the seriousness of a crazy idea, treat it at the start as a humorous idea. Humor dramatically depreciates the situation, making it not serious. Humor raises your social status, it makes you more attractive and reduces the judgment of others.
But, if your sense of humor is bad, then it’s better not to risk it.
Treat the situation like a game. Imagine that you are simply participating, acting in a feature film, where you are the main character and you have the right to change the script of the film. If you want to go further, imagine that you are generally a spectator who sits in an empty auditorium and watches a modern comedy on a production topic.
If you have difficulty with imagination, and the screen does not appear before your eyes, try to get used to the role of the “bad guy” before starting negotiations. Use the Stanislavsky method!
Choose yourself a literary or cinematic negotiator. It can be Cardinal Richelieu, Sherlock Holmes or Ostap Bender. Close your eyes, imagine that you are this very literary hero. Your brain is in the body of Ostap Bender. In your mind's eye, go over your new body, imagine how you are dressed, what you are dressed in, how you are in this, speak out loud (this is important). Then walk around the room, looking at familiar things with Ostap's gaze. Say a few phrases from the role of Ostap, scream a few phrases from the role of Ostap, feel the reality as Ostap Bender felt it. Of course, getting used to the role is much easier at the training, where the coach does it, but if you are tense, you can feel like a “bad guy” for some time. Try to remember this state at the level of bodily sensations, your body must remember the posture, voice, manner of an imaginary hero. Your task is to recall this state when you sit at the negotiating table.
This can be done by returning to the sensations of the body or by uttering a code phrase with intonation, the manner of Ostap Bender.
- The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury. I will command the parade.
And then, do not think about the goals and objectives of the negotiations, release your body, your subconscious, and she will do everything in the best possible way.
But the main thing is of course internal attitudes, internal barriers, they are the main obstacle to achieving the goal, but everything can change if you are not afraid to take risks, try and analyze. Well, if there are difficulties with this, come to our webinar.
And now a few words about the opportunity to chat with Dmitry live
October 21, 2014, 20:00 Moscow time, we will hold a free webinar from our studio in St. Petersburg, “Non-standard logic of negotiating, or if you want to win, break the rules . ”
Participation is free upon registration