An original method of avoiding conflict as a form of psychological struggle

    Nobody wants to conflict. When conflicts become frequent, a person painfully seeks a way out. Someone is trying to avoid communication, someone is in direct conflict, someone is looking for tricks and methods how to behave. The last post is dedicated to this post, the idea of ​​which was born after watching the video of the next topic "How to put a person in place: 10 real questions about pressure in negotiations . " The tips are interesting and no doubt effective when used skillfully, but there is another interesting method of avoiding conflict called “psychological aikido” developed by Litvak Mikhail Efimovich (psychologist, psychotherapist, candidate of medical sciences). Once this technique helped me a lot in communicating with one very temperamental boss. But all in order.

    I happened to get into a food company, where the direct manager [НР] turned out to be a specific person for me and communication with which could not be established. He worked as a product owner and often wrote requirements for a product in a free-style style according to the type of “how the thought went”. Any attempts to clarify the requirements came up with phrases like: “Well, can such trifles be incomprehensible” or “You yourself can at least solve something ?!” However, the decision-making by someone other than him, he also could not stand. All this led to alterations, long conversations in a humiliating and humorous manner and ridicule of decisions that he didn’t take (“how could you put green / yellow when it's so ugly!”, “What an idiot thought of a way out of the program in this way” etc). He was not shy in expressions and intonations, and each came up with his unique appeal in cases when something was not to his liking. For example, I often heard phrases addressed to me: “all because you are mediocre as a performer” or “you have never seen a more stupid employee”. In general, after a month of work, I definitely realized that I would not stay in the company. And somewhere at this time, having stumbled upon the technique of psychological aikido, I decided to try it. Firstly, the method is very entertaining, secondly, it seemed somehow too fantastic to work, and thirdly, it would still not be worse). And somewhere at this time, having stumbled upon the technique of psychological aikido, I decided to try it. Firstly, the method is very entertaining, secondly, it seemed somehow too fantastic to work, and thirdly, it would still not be worse). And somewhere at this time, having stumbled upon the technique of psychological aikido, I decided to try it. Firstly, the method is very entertaining, secondly, it seemed somehow too fantastic to work, and thirdly, it would still not be worse).

    The essence of the method is well described by its author M. Litvak in the book “Psychological Aikido”. In general terms, it comes down to agreeing with the conflicted and thus amortizing the conflict. This is the very first step that will help not provoke an increase in aggression.

    The basic principles of depreciation:
    1.Collected to accept compliments.
    2. If the offer suits you, agree the first time.
    3. Do not offer your services. Help when done.
    4. Offer cooperation only once.
    5. Do not wait when they begin to criticize you - criticize yourself.

    Three depreciation methods are described - direct, delayed and preventive. I tried immediate and preventative. I will give an example of direct depreciation from the book:
    A: You are a fool!
    B: You are absolutely right! (avoidance of shock).

    Usually, two or three evasions from an attack are enough to prevent a conflict from flaring up. If absolutely necessary, the answer can be continued as follows:

    B: How quickly you realized that I was a fool. For so many years I managed to hide it from everyone. With your insight, a great future awaits you! I’m just surprised that the authorities still haven’t appreciated you!

    Option with an invitation to cooperation:
    A: We offer you the position of chief.
    B: 1) Thank you. I agree (with agreement).
    2) Thank you for the interesting offer. We need to think and weigh everything (if a negative answer is supposed).

    It should be noted that consent must be given immediately after the first invitation. If the first invitation was insincere, everything immediately falls into place. Next time they won’t play these games with you. If the invitation is sincere, you will be grateful for your prompt consent.

    As for preventive depreciation, it works in the event that the conflict somehow follows a similar pattern. Carnegie in such cases says: “Tell about yourself everything that your prosecutor is going to do, and you will deprive the wind of his sail.”

    An example of preventative depreciation (from a book):
    You have to go to the boss and say something like this: “I came to scold me. You know what I did ... ".

    I first succeeded in putting it into practice when [HP], after 20 minutes of reporting all the sins, uttered the phrase: “Do you know why you couldn’t do as I asked ?!” And instead of starting to explain the real reasons as before, I said: “That's because I'm a mediocre worker.” My surprise knew no bounds, because [HP] hesitated, something grunted and left. Prior to this, the topic of my mediocrity would have been covered from all sides for another minutes or so.

    Subsequently, similar depreciation pieces had to be applied a couple more times three times and, apparently, [HP ]’s interest in my person was lost. He nevertheless began to answer questions and clarify the requirements, dryly and without desire, but this was already enough to eliminate the problem of constantly remaking trifles. As a result, I left the company, on my own initiative, without conflicts and with a tested new psychological technique. I hope someone else will find it useful too.

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