Summary of the book "Never Eat Alone"

    Previoussummary of the book "Negotiations without defeat. Harvard method ”aroused interest from Habr's readers, so it was decided to continue the initiative. This abstract will introduce Keith Ferrazzi’s book, Never Eating Alone. The author of the book is the number 1 networker in the world. He gathered in his notebook more than five thousand contacts of the powerful. Forbes magazine called him "one of the most sociable people in the world." On the pages of the book, he shares the secrets of building a wide network of mutually beneficial relationships in business and beyond. Following his advice, you not only realize your ambitions and abilities, helping someone to do the same, but also decorate your life with communication with interesting interlocutors. The book will be of interest to entrepreneurs, managers and all those who go to achieve their goals under the slogan "communication is everything."

    Part one. Adjust your mind

    Chapter 1. How to become a member of the club

    Connections are everything. Everything in the world exists only in connection with everything else. Nothing can exist in isolation. It’s enough to pretend that we are independent beings who can live on their own.
    Margaret Wheatley

    Mind, talent and origins are not the most important thing in life. Of course, all this also plays its role, but it turns out to be useless if one thing is not learned: you cannot do anything alone.

    In business, people are brought up in the spirit of individualism. But success in any sphere, especially in business, is built on working together with people, and not against them. I found that my classmates lack the most important thing - the ability to build and strengthen relationships with others. Nothing to do with some frauds on the principle of "hand washes the hand." No one tries to calculate how much to give in order to get something in return.

    People who instinctively create a strong network of relationships around themselves always achieve outstanding business success.

    Creating an extensive network of relationships is not the only thing that is required for success, but if you build your career and life with the help and with the support of friends and acquaintances, this has undeniable advantages:

    1. You will never be bored. Such a life sometimes takes a lot of time and imposes more responsibility on you, but never bothers you. You always learn something new about yourself, other people, business and the world around you. This is a wonderful feeling.
    2. A career built on connections is also useful for the company you work for, because it also benefits from your growth. People who communicate with you, communicate with your company. You feel satisfied that your managers and the organization as a whole are interested in your promotion.
    3. The circle of acquaintances that provides you with support and opens up many opportunities for development is very important in the modern world.

    Today, in my electronic notebook, there are over 5,000 people whom I can call at any time. They can offer me qualified advice, work, help, approval, support, care and love.

    To create such a social circle, you have to work hard. I realized this in my childhood, carrying bags with golf clubs. To do this, we must think not only about ourselves, but also about others.

    Everyone can do it. In the end, if the provincial guy managed to get into the "club of the elect", then you can.

    Chapter 2. Do not keep score of good deeds.

    It is impossible to say about one person that he made himself. Thousands of other people influence our formation. Everyone who has done a good deed for us or has expressed a word of approval has contributed to the formation of our character and thoughts and contributed to our success.
    George Burton Adams

    You can not build a network of mutually beneficial relationships, saving their friends only for themselves. The more people you help, the more support you will get in return. The market with its tight interweaving of interests comes to the understanding that cooperation is more important than competition. The rules of the game have changed.

    Many are trying to adapt to these new conditions, still being convinced that a wolf will win a man and a victory in the end will be won by the most vile and unprincipled. “Independent” people who have not learned to think and act in an environment of interdependence can be good workers, but they will never become leaders and team players. I am sure that relations between people and even entire organizations should be built on trust. And trust arises when you, paraphrasing the words of former President Kennedy, ask people not what they can do for you, but what you can do for them. In other words, in circles of mutually beneficial ties, not greed, but generosity is used as a currency. If your communication is built on generosity, then the reward will not take long to wait.

    Now companies are building their policies on building strong and long-lasting relationships with clientele. The same should be done in the current environment and you, creating your own network of relationships.

    I believe that your relationships with other people best express your true self. With this, nothing can compare. Make a contribution to the common cause, do not spare the time, money and experience on the ever-growing circle of your friends.

    Chapter 3. What is your mission?

    - Tell me, please, where should I go from here? “It depends a lot on where you want to go,” answered the Cat. - Yes, I almost do not care, - began Alice. “Then don't care where to go,” said the Cat.
    Lewis Carroll. "Alice in Wonderland"

    The more precisely you define what you want, the easier it will be to develop a strategy for achieving the goal. Part of this strategy is to build relationships with people who can help you fulfill your plans.

    All the successful people with whom I had met, in one degree or another, planned their future.

    As my father used to say, no one becomes an astronaut by chance.

    The first stage: find your cherished dream

    The goal is a dream with a specific deadline. This magnificent definition underlines one very important point. Before setting goals, deal with your dreams. Otherwise, it may happen that you will strive for a goal that does not give you any pleasure.

    1. Look inside yourself. The most important thing is to get rid of all barriers, doubts, fears and expectations about what you "should" do. It is necessary to discard all thoughts of time, money and commitments that may become an obstacle in your path.
    2. Take a look around. Following this, ask the people who know you best, what, in their opinion, are your strengths and weaknesses. Ask about what they like about you and what else needs to be improved. All disciplined dreamers have one thing in common - following their purpose. This mission is often risky. It may be contrary to common sense. It can sometimes be incredibly difficult to implement. But it is possible. The discipline that turns a dream into a mission, and the mission into a reality, is already manifested in the process of setting a goal.

    Stage Two: Write Your Goal on Paper

    The mission itself will not become a reality. Its implementation is like building a building that starts with a foundation.

    Creating a network of useful connections is a system process. There is no magic in it. It is suitable not only for the elect. In order to get to know the right people, you only need to first develop a plan and then steadily implement it. At the same time, it doesn’t matter whether you want to become a history teacher in ninth grades or open your own firm. Moreover, such a plan can be applied to any area of ​​life and use it, for example, to expand the circle of friends, continue education, search for a life partner, find a spiritual mentor.

    Start making such a plan right now, before moving on to the next chapter. Several such plans are permanently stored in my electronic notebook, regularly reminding me of what needs to be done and with whom it is worth talking about this.

    Not a written desire will remain a dream. When it is written on paper - this is already a program, this is a goal.

    Here are a few aspects to consider when developing a plan for creating a support network.

    • Your goals should be specific.
    • Your goals must be real.
    • Your goals should be ambitious and ambitious.

    To prepare for the upcoming marathon, it is necessary to do at least small runs every day. Having a plan, you must now establish contacts with the right people. Everyday!

    Stage Three: Build Your Own Advisory Center

    Goals, like everything else that I am writing about in a book, are not achieved alone. After the plan is made, you will need support. As in any other business, even the best plan will benefit from the fact that it is critically evaluated by someone from the outside.

    Nobody will be hurt by a clever adviser, and even better - two or three, who will not only support you, but also with a keen eye assess your actions and demand a report. It can include family members, your mentors, one or two old friends.

    Chapter 4. Build relationships well in advance.

    Form your environment from people you love and who love you.

    Mitch Epbom

    People have a completely wrong idea that you need to make connections when you need something (for example, work). In fact, you should acquire a circle of useful connections, helpers and friends long before you need them. The dynamics of creating useful dating should go on increasing. You can win the trust of others only gradually, step by step.

    According to the theory of probability, the wider the circle of your acquaintances, the more opportunities you will have and the more substantial support you can get at critical moments in your career.

    There are plenty of excellent opportunities around you to develop relationships with people you already know and who know people you are not yet familiar with, and those in turn know even more people.

    In business, we often say that the best customer is the one that you already have. Start strengthening relationships with those you already know. Every person you know, from family members to a postman, is the door to a whole new world of other people.

    People around you will be more likely to help you if they are already familiar with you and managed to love you. Start now to take care of your garden.

    Chapter 5. The genius of courage

    Catch every moment. Do not hesitate if you can do something or think you can. All genius, power and magic - in courage.

    Johann Wolfgang Gote

    My father, Pete Ferrazzi, was a first-generation American. His lot was hard work and low wages. But he dreamed of a different life for his son. Being a simple worker, he understood that courage is perhaps the only quality that distinguishes successful people from losers, even if they have the same abilities. My father went to great lengths when it came to the welfare of the family.

    In some cases, in order to overcome your fear, you simply have to compare the experienced feeling of inconvenience and the consequences of failure at work.

    Either you risk in the hope of a big win, or you prefer to avoid risk and remain mediocre.

    The best way to deal with fear is, first, to understand that it is a completely normal phenomenon. He is tested by all. Secondly, it is necessary to recognize that in order to achieve success you must overcome your fear. Thirdly, you need to convince yourself that each time it will get better.

    Below, I present some tips that you can use today to feel comfortable in all situations.

    Find a role model
    Everyone knows that in every group of friends or acquaintances there is always a person who infects everyone with his courage. If you are not yet ready to step over your fear, meeting new people, ask such a person to help you and demonstrate how this is done. If there is such an opportunity, take it with you to various events and observe its behavior.

    Learn to speak
    In response to the desire of many people to learn to speak better, many organizations have been created that specialize in this area. They simply give people a chance to practice a relaxed atmosphere, where the instructor will always come to the rescue and encourage. 

    Get involved
    There are many interest clubs. Join one of them and become its active member. When you feel ready, become one of the leaders of the group. This is a very important and necessary step. To be a leader in life, you need to constantly practice. 

    Visit a psychotherapist
    I do not claim that a course of psychotherapy will make you better, but it will help you to effectively cope with your fears.

    Make a decision and make
    Set a goal every week to meet a new person. It doesn't matter who he will be and where it will happen. You will see for yourself that each time it will get better. Do not stop halfway. When you realize that being closed does not do any good, any situation and any person you meet will be a chance for you to succeed.

    Memo from Madame Courage:

    1. Describe the situation.
    2. Give the other person your feelings.
    3. Report the main point.
    4. Use open-ended questions.

    Chapter 6. Soul Hunters

    Ambitions can creep, and can soar.
    Edmund Verk

    Here are a few rules to use in order not to become an unprincipled hunter for the right connections:

    1. Do not engage in idle chatter. If you have something to say, then say it in a businesslike and convincing way. Every time you open your mouth, try to offer something useful and do it sincerely.
    2. Do not gossip. Over time, as more and more people become convinced that you cannot be trusted with any information, the source will dry up.
    3. Do not come to visit with empty hands. Success is achieved by one who gives more than it receives.
    4. Do not treat badly to downline. It is possible that one of them may later become your boss. In business, there is a very active circulation.
    5. Be sincere. Stealth is good at socializing in a bar, but not when you intend to establish a deep relationship with a person.
    6. Do not overdo it. If you, meeting people, do not establish friendly relations with them, then you better quit this occupation. The lack of warm feelings between people kills on the vine all the benefits of such relationships. At the same time, good human relations form an excellent business foundation.

    Part two. Communication skills

    Chapter 7. Homework

    Great deeds are always preceded by great preparation.
    Robert Schuller

    Before meeting with a stranger, I think about how to introduce myself, I find information about him and about the type of his occupation. I try to find in this information the main thing that characterizes it - hobbies, problems and goals, both in business and in personal life.

    William James wrote: "The deepest need of human nature is the desire for recognition . " The main thing here is to go beyond the framework of abstract ideas and focus on a specific person. Try to show genuine interest in the person, and you will become a part of his life.

    It may seem to you that such a tactic is somewhat akin to manipulation, but in reality it’s just the ability to be at the right time at the right place. The point is to find a point of contact with a person, and this requires deeper and more thorough communication than can be hoped during the first fleeting meeting. The goal is to ensure that your acquaintance with a person is not forgotten, but turned into a friendship.

    Chapter 8. Fix Names

    In order for the process of establishing links to go smoothly, organization and ability to control the flow of information is necessary.

    First you need to focus on those people who are already in the circle of your connections. I bet that you can’t even imagine how extensive it really is. It includes:

    • relatives;
    • friends of relatives;
    • all friends and acquaintances of your spouse or spouse;
    • current colleagues;
    • members of professional and public organizations in which you are a member;
    • current and former clients;
    • parents of friends of your children;
    • current and former neighbors;
    • people with whom you studied together;
    • the people you worked with in the past;
    • members of your religious community;
    • former teachers and superiors;
    • people with whom you spend your free time;
    • people who provide you services.

    People, something useful for you, can be found anywhere. You should not only know all the key players in a particular field of activity, but also strive to ensure that they know you.

    Remember: if you approach the matter in an organized, purposeful way and do not forget to fix the names, then no one can be out of your reach.

    Chapter 9. How to call a stranger by phone

    The need to call a stranger leads even the most balanced people to a state close to neurosis. How to cope with this task? Any acquaintance with new people should be considered as your next task, which provides additional opportunities. This very thought should generate excitement in you and eliminate the unnecessary timidity that lives in each of us and affects our behavior.

    Telephone rules:

    1. Submit recommendations. Establishing a trusting relationship is the main thing you should do during the first contact with a person. A reference to a person or organization known to the interlocutor is very helpful in overcoming his initial vigilance. They used to say that there are six degrees of mutual relations of people. Today, in order to find them, you just need to click a computer mouse once or twice.
    2. State how you can be helpful. I can break the ice of telephone calls by mentioning in a conversation information that will demonstrate to the interlocutor that a lot of preparatory work has been done, which means that I am interested in his success.
    3. Know, say little, say a lot. Express your thoughts quickly, consistently and convincingly. Remember that in most cases the purpose of a phone call is not to finally agree on something, but to set a time for the meeting, where everything can be discussed in more detail.
    4. Offer a compromise. Remember that you must first request more than you need to then be able to step back a little.

    Chapter 10. Make Your Secretary Ally

    The role of secretary within the company is extremely large, but it becomes even more important when you have to look for access to the company from the outside.

    In the first call in any case can not be aggressive. Remember that you can never annoy the secretary. You should not be excessive intrusive. Sometimes it makes sense to use various forms of communication, trying to establish an important contact with a stranger. E-mail, letter, fax or just a postcard are sometimes more likely to reach the right person.

    If you recognize the role that the secretaries play, and with the help of respect, humor and sympathy turn them into your allies, then many doors will open before you. 

    Chapter 11. Never Eat Alone

    You must constantly keep in touch with your friends and the right people - at breakfast, at lunch, wherever possible.

    Your calendar of meetings and other events should always be filled to capacity. You must be visible and active all the time.

    Your social circle is somewhat muscular. The more you work on it, the stronger it becomes.

    Did you have lunch with any of your colleagues? Why not invite someone to dinner, and at the same time a few more people from your business or personal environment? This way your network of friends and acquaintances will constantly expand.

    Chapter 12. Share your hobbies.

    I must admit to you: I have never in my life been at any event dedicated to making the necessary contacts.

    The basis of any relationship is a common interest, unity of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, ethnic origin, profession and personal hobbies. Therefore, you will achieve the greatest success in establishing contacts at those events that are based on the respective interests.

    The main attention should be paid to where you feel most comfortable and what occupation gives you a special pleasure.

    Contrary to the usual rule of business, I do not think that there is any hard line between private and public life.

    Representatives of the old school of business believe that the expression of emotions makes a person vulnerable. Today's young businessmen, on the contrary, believe that it unites people even more. The stronger the human relationship, the more successful will be the business and career.

    The list of activities that I use to maintain and develop contacts with my business partners and friends:

    1. Fifteen minutes for a cup of coffee. It does not take much time and occurs outside the office. A great way to get to know a new person a little closer.
    2. Conference. If I, for example, need to take part in a conference in Seattle, then I make a list of people I know in this region or with whom I would like to meet, and then look for a suitable opportunity to meet with them.
    3. Invitation to take part in some exciting business (golf, chess, stamp collecting, club of book lovers, etc.).
    4. Short breakfast, lunch, after-work cocktail or dinner together. Nothing better than these events can break the ice in relationships.
    5. Invitation to some special event. For me, such events are a visit to the theater, parties of the society of fans of singing, a concert. This event becomes especially joyful if I invite people with me who, in my opinion, can appreciate it.
    6. Invitation to his home. I regard home dinner as a kind of religious rite and try to create a warm and friendly atmosphere, so I usually invite no more than one or two strangers. I wish that, when leaving my house, people would feel that they had made good new friends, and this is not easy to achieve if there are many strangers at the table.

    Of course, it is necessary to take time for friends, for family, and even just to read and relax.

    Chapter 13. Without reminding yourself you will fail.

    The desire to draw attention to yourself and remind yourself is the key to success in any field. A few points to consider when you remind a person about yourself:

    • Always express gratitude. Do not forget to mention an important or interesting point in the conversation that took place between you, even if it was just a joke to cheer you both up.
    • Confirm your promises, if they were made during the conversation, and remind you of the promises made by your interlocutor. Express yourself briefly and to the point. Your letter should not be impersonal, it should be addressed to a specific person.
    • Use both e-mail and regular mail. Their combination makes your communication more personal. The time factor plays a very important role. After a meeting or conversation, remind yourself as soon as possible.
    • Many people expect holidays to thank someone or remind themselves. Why wait? The sooner you do this, the more appropriate and better it will be remembered. Do not forget about the people who served as intermediaries in your acquaintance. Send them a brief message about how the conversation took place with their submission, and express your appreciation for the help.

    Try to get all the above tips into your habit. Then you will not have to strain your memory, trying to remember the name of the interlocutor, or to see how he frowns, remembering yours.

    Chapter 14. Become a conference organizer.

    You can turn simple participation in a conference into the realization of your mission.

    Help the organizers

    “I want to take part in the conference that you are organizing, and is interested in seeing this year be better prepared than ever. All my resources are at your disposal - time, creativity and connections. How can I help? ”

    Listen, and even better - speak.

    Having the opportunity to speak at the conference, you acquire a special status that helps you make friends with people. All participants have a desire to talk or at least greet you. You begin to enjoy respect, and when you stand on the podium, your words are treated with great confidence.

    Guerrilla war
    Organize a conference inside the conference. Nothing can prevent you from taking the burden of leadership in organizing a pleasure program or visiting places that the organizing committee of the conference simply did not think about.

    Follow the leader
    If you are familiar with the most popular participant in the conference - who knows all and who everyone knows - then stick to him when he rotates on the sidelines of the forum.

    Be a treasure trove of information

    If you become a valuable source of information, many will want to meet you.

    Define your purpose
    For each conference I write down on a piece of paper the names of three or four people I would love to meet with and keep it in my jacket pocket.

    Breaks are not a time to rest
    “Upon entering the room, step back to the right. Inspect the room. Evaluate who is in it. Make the crowd notice you. ” Assess the situation, start to establish contacts.

    Remind yourself.
    Everyone you met at the conference should receive a message from you that reminds you that he agreed to meet and talk with you in the future.

    Speakers are primarily people.

    I usually find the content of the conferences not very useful. If the speaker is of interest, then first of all as a person.

    You think that you have acquired a lot of connections, but in fact you made up only a phone book, and each contact from this list will later have to be established over the phone again.

    Chapter 15. Meet the Relationship Masters

    The most useful are not necessarily close relationships, characteristic of family members or close friends. On the contrary, often the most important services are provided to us by people whom we consider just familiar - “the strength of weak ties” .

    If you want to create an effective network of connections, then it’s best to meet a few people with extensive connections. Such people can be found among representatives of any profession, but I would like to focus on only seven of them, where the concentration of people with extensive connections is the highest.

    1. Restaurant owners
    2. Bounty Hunters
    3. Lobbyists
    4. The persons providing financing of public projects
    5. PR Specialists
    6. Politicians
    7. Journalists

    Historians write that Revere had the magical ability to be in the center of events. But this does not require any magic. You only need to communicate with people, show interest in current events and have one or two friends with extensive connections.

    Chapter 16. Expand Your Circle

    The most effective method to fully exploit the potential of your circle of friends is very simple. You need to connect your social circle with someone else.

    Never forget the person who opened the door to a new world for you.

    1. The person with whom you share your relationship should be considered by you as a partner, relations with which are built on mutual benefit.
    2. You have to trust your partner, because in the end, as if you vouch for him and his behavior towards your friends affects you.

    Never give anyone full access to your contact list. This is your property, and no one has the right to use it as he pleases. You have to decide for yourself in whom from your circle of friends and to what extent this or that person may be interested.

    Chapter 17. The art of small talk

    Those who were able to carry on conversations with any person and in any situation, climbed the steps of the career ladder with amazing speed.

    If you want to impress your interlocutor, show him how you are different from him. Exchange mutual expectations. Combine them. How? There is one guaranteed way to do this: be yourself. Show that you are a living person to whom nothing human is alien.

    By leading a formal, restrained conversation and hiding our true nature, we spoil the whole impression of the meeting.

    Learn non-verbal communication.Be sincere. The surest way to get attention to yourself is to pay maximum attention to your interlocutor. Find your zest. Share your hobbies, but do not impose them on others.

    Determine the size of your Johari window. In accordance with this psychological model, the success of a conversation depends on how well the opening levels between you and your interlocutor correspond to each other. Of course, this does not mean that you should be a hypocrite. On the contrary, this only indicates that you are sensitive to the manifestation of emotions and temperament of a person. You only slightly adjust your style of behavior so that the windows always remain open.

    Be able to get out of the conversation beautifully.“Today there are a lot of interesting people here. It would be a great pity not to make at least an attempt to get acquainted with any of them. Will you excuse me if I leave you for a moment? ” To acquaintance developed into a strong relationship, the first conversation must end with a proposal to continue communication.

    Learn to listen. In communicating with a person, you should first of all seek to understand him, and not be understood. Very often, we are too concerned about what we want to say, and we don’t even hear what they say to us in response. Immediately after the acquaintance, I repeat his name out loud to make sure that I heard him correctly, and then during the conversation I occasionally call the interlocutor by name.

    The Carnegie truths formulated are still relevant:

    • Sincerely interested in other people.
    • Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
    • Let most of the time says your interlocutor.
    • Smile
    • Speak about what interests your interlocutor.
    • Start with praise and sincere recognition of the merits of the interlocutor.

    Part Three How to turn friends into associates

    Chapter 18. Health, Welfare, and Children

    Every person that comes my way is somewhat taller than me, and I learn from him.
    Ralpha Waldo Emerson

    During the first conversations with my new acquaintance, I try to understand who he will become for me: another student or business partner. I'm looking for the motivation that drives this person. The people who have achieved the greatest success in building a network of relationships are a peculiar combination of spiritual mentors, psychotherapists and altruists. The only way to encourage people to do something for you is to recognize their importance and importance. The deepest vital need of a person is the need for recognition.

    If you help a person in the fulfillment of his cherished dream, then the connection between you grows and grows stronger. Nowadays, loyalty has become a half-forgotten concept, but in my opinion, it remains the cornerstone of strong human relationships.

    Highest human need byMaslow - this is self-realization, that is, the desire to fully show all their best qualities. Dale Carnegie understood that. However, Maslow claimed that we could not take on the satisfaction of higher needs until we satisfy those that are at the very bottom of the pyramid. These include, for example, life support basics, safety and sex. It is in this group that health, well-being and care for children are located. By helping people in these matters, you solve two problems at once. Firstly, you help people to fulfill the most basic needs, and secondly, you give them the opportunity to climb a step higher in the pyramid of needs .

    However, remember that if you touch on the most burning topics for the interlocutor, then you should treat them as you deserve. If you don’t show proper interest in them, it will have the opposite effect. Nothing can so ruin your relationship with a client as an unfulfilled promise to help in some extremely important problem for him.

    Chapter 19. Social Arbitration

    Some people gain power by intimidating others and abusing their will. Others (and, as a rule, with significantly better results) - due to the fact that they become necessary for all.

    The best result is obtained when you bring people from completely different worlds together. The strength of your network of contacts to the same extent depends on the diversity of your connections, as well as on their quantity and quality. The one you know affects the effectiveness of what you know.

    Paraphrasing Dale Carnegie, you can say: "You can do better in two months, sincerely interested in the affairs of other people than in two years, during which you will try to interest them in your own affairs . "

    Chapter 20. Do not let yourself forget

    If, according to Woody Allen, 80 percent of success in show business depends on the hype around your name, then 80 percent of success in forming a circle of useful connections depends on constant contact with the right people. You can't allow people to forget about you. Having developed your own style, you will be able to maintain contact with a large number of people, and this will not take too much time.

    In order for people with whom you establish new relationships to remember your name firmly, they must see or hear you through at least three channels of communication: by e-mail, phone, and in person.

    Personally, I created for myself a rating system that determines the frequency of contacts and facilitates the functioning of a network of acquaintances, colleagues and friends. I divided the entire network into five categories:

    “Personal connections” are good friends and acquaintances. Since they have already established strong and deep relationships, communication takes place naturally, as if we meet every day.

    "Existing customers" and "future customers" - speak for themselves.

    “Important Business Connections” - I include people with whom I have professional relationships. Either I do business with them, or I hope to lead in the future. This category is very important for the task.

    “Perspective contacts” - I include people with whom I would like to meet and establish good relations (these are top managers and world celebrities).

    Against each name, I put the numbers 1, 2 or 3.

    "1" - I contact every month.This means that with this person, whether my friend or a new business partner, I maintain active contacts. If he is one of my recent acquaintances, then the unit, as a rule, means that the relationship with him is not strong enough and you should communicate with this person along three lines of communication. Every time I get in touch with one person or another, I make a short note against his name indicating the circumstances and content of the contact. If last month I sent a short message to a potential client with a “1” note by e-mail, then this month I will call him by phone. In addition, I’m putting all contacts marked with a unit into the speed dialing system on my mobile phone (this is a very useful time saving feature). If I have a free minute, when I, for example,

    "2" - the main base of contacts. These are primary acquaintances or people whom I already know well. I call or email them once a quarter. In addition, I usually include this category of people on the mailing list for emails about my business. Like all my friends, every year they receive from me greeting cards for the holidays, and I call them on their birthday.

    "3" - I do not know well.Due to lack of time and conditions, I am not able to give them too much attention. These are just people who happened to be on my way, but seemed interesting enough to get into my notebook. I try to contact them at least once a year. The fact that a person whom they almost do not know, calls them or sends short notes, these people are friendly and interested.

    "Hello, we have not talked for too long, and I want to say that I miss you and you are important to me." You can make some professional additions, but in any case, your message should be as personal as possible.


    For me, the best occasion is still birthdays, although they have recently become stepchildren among other memorable dates. The older you get, the more often those around you forget this is your main holiday (apparently because they are trying to forget their own). We are accustomed from childhood that this day is only ours and no one else. People never forget their birthday.

    Chapter 21. Find Your Anchor

    Every friend has a person who falls out of the usual circle of friends. Each of us in varying degrees, maintains relations with older, wiser and more experienced people. These can be our mentors, friends of parents, teachers, priests, and heads. I call these people "anchors." Their advantages over the familiar circle of our friends lie in one simple fact - they are different. They communicate with other people, have other experiences, so they can learn a lot from them.

    Having invited a person to the party who will play the role of an “anchor”, do not forget that it is very important to form the composition of other guests correctly. Personally, I prefer a combination of people with whom I do business today, those with whom I would like to do business in the future, and so-called “tinkers,” whose energetic nature will bring revival to the company.

    Мой друг Джим Врем — один из самых модных дизайнеров Нью-Йорка. У него была прекрасная студия в центре города, где он каждые две недели по четвергам устраивал вечеринки. Кстати, четверг отлично подходит для таких мероприятий. Он не нарушает планов людей, которые они строят на выходные дни, и большинство из них готовы погулять в этот день допоздна, так как знают, что на этой неделе им остался всего один рабочий день.
 Я всегда восхищался умением Джима сделать простоту столь элегантной. Это наблюдается в его архитектурных и дизайнерских работах. Вдоль одной стены у него тянулась длинная скамья, обитая бархатом, и стояло несколько черных кожаных пуфов для сидения. Здесь нам обычно подавали шампанское. Звуковой фон создавала легкая джазовая музыка. В числе приглашенных всегда были художники, писатели и музыканты.
 Сделав пять шагов, вы попадали за простой деревянный стол без всяких скатертей, украшенный парой свечей в серебряных подсвечниках. Стулья были красиво задрапированы. Перед каждым из гостей стояла большая чашка с приготовленным в домашних условиях соусом чили и грубо наломанными кусками свежего хлеба. На десерт подавали мороженое и шампанское. Все гениальное, как всегда, было очень просто.

    To organize parties you need to follow only one rule: have fun. Of course, there are other rules that will help you in this matter. Here are some of them:

    1. Define the topic. This will give your dinners additional content and help attract new people to them.
    2. Invite guests in advance. So that people have time to adjust their plans and you didn’t have to guess later who will come and who will not.
    3. Do not be a slave to the kitchen. Guests, in any case, will appreciate your efforts if the food is tasty and the communication program is interesting.
    4. Create an atmosphere. Do not be lazy to spend an hour or two to decorate the venue for dinner.
    5. Forget about the formalities. Keep it simple. Delicious food, good people, a lot of wine, pleasant conversation - that’s all the secrets of a successful party.
    6. Do not put couples together. I usually place the names of the guests on the table.
    7. Relax. Guests take their cue from the host.

    Part Four Ability to take and give

    Chapter 22. Be an interesting person.

    Today, the marketer must be at the same time a strategist, a technologist and a creative person focused on the process of selling and receiving revenue.

    Keep your point
    I sincerely hope that starting from this day you will become enthusiastically reading newspapers and discuss pressing issues with all your friends. However, there is a definite difference between an interesting and informative person. In order to be interesting, it is enough just to argue about politics, sports, travel, science and other things that give you the right to participate in the conversation. In order to be a meaningful person, it is necessary to have more detailed and specific knowledge. To do this, you should know what most people do not know. This is your difference from the rest. This is what makes you unique and makes people strive to communicate with you. There is a big difference between a popular person and a famous person. When a person is known for his deeds and achievements, it causes respect for him.

    There is no one to replace a creative person.
    A unique point of view is one of the ways to ensure that today and tomorrow, and in a year you don’t have to worry about your workplace. Today's market places creativity above competence, experience, and general knowledge. It is impossible to copy creativity and the generation of ideas. People who demonstrate creative thinking style day after day and create unique ideas will not be replaced.

    Below I give ten tips that will allow you to become an expert in your business:

    1. View best practices and analyze all trends and opportunities.
    2. Ask "stupid" questions
    3. Know yourself and your abilities
    4. Constantly study
    5. Care about health
    6. Try something unusual
    7. Do not give up
    8. Master the new technology
    9. Find your niche
    10. Go for the smell of money

    But you must make sure that your words: a) are understandable; and b) affected every person.

    Chapter 23. Build Your Name

    Regardless of age, position or field of activity, we all need to understand how important it is to acquire a well-known brand. To work in business today, you also have to become your own marketer, who will be able to promote a brand called “I” to the market.

    Tom peters

    In order to make a name for yourself, you need an inner content that unites all your actions, giving them wholeness and subordinating them to a single mission. Having created a name for yourself, you solve three extremely important tasks at once. It inspires confidence in you, speaks for itself and attracts more and more people willing to help you.

    As a result, it is becoming easier for you to make new friends and explain to those around you who you are and what you do. Brand in business is a powerful tool.

    Three conditions whose fulfillment will lead you to the path of success:

    1. Define your personal qualities. Outline your best qualities on paper. This will be the first big step to ensure that those around them believe in them. Ask your closest friends what words they use to describe you on a good or bad side. Ask them, what are the most important, in their opinion, skills and character traits inherent in you.
    2. Make packaging for the brand. Let's be realistic: better to see once than hear a hundred times. Therefore, you must look impeccable and highly professional. Machiavelli once remarked: "Everyone sees in you what you want to seem, and only a few know what you really are . " The biggest impression is the little things. It may seem trivial to you, but it is.
    3. Advertise your brand. The world is your scene. On it you put your own performance. The character you play is your brand. Look according to this role and live it.

    Chapter 24. State Yourself

    You must gain wider acceptance. Only in this way can you become an authority not only for your company, but also for the industry as a whole.

    Whether you like it or not, your success largely depends on how much others are aware of what you are doing and how. Fortunately, in our time there are hundreds of new tools with which you can spread information about yourself.

    Everyone with whom you meet and talk should know what you are doing, why it can be beneficial to him and which one.

    You should start building relationships with the press before you even have to publish something. Provide journalists with information, meet with them over a cup of coffee, call them regularly, so as not to lose contact.

    You are your best advertising agency. Who can tell about you better and more convincingly than you?

    Study the press
    Before calling journalists, I spend a lot of time reading articles to get an opinion on what topics this publication is writing and what kind of materials it prefers.

    Find a highlight
    In order for your presentation to sound fresh and original, approach it in a new way.

    Do not look at the big
    thing. The main thing is to strike a spark, and only then, when you and your views become famous, you can think about how to behave with journalists.

    Help the journalist

    Never refuse an interview and try to provide the journalist with the necessary contacts necessary for him to write the article.

    Learn to prepare the bait.
    Brevity is very much appreciated in the media. Learn to think with keywords. Choose the three most interesting points from what you are going to tell, and put them in a few sentences, but so that it sounds colorful and attracts attention.

    Do not be annoying

    If my article is rejected, then I ask myself the question of what is additionally required in order to be published.

    Talk about your business, not about yourself.
    Any attempt to express yourself should first of all reflect your mission.

    Treat a journalist like any of your friends.
    Journalists are people too (at least most of them), and your sympathy for their hard work will impress them.

    Link to big names

    Publishers want recognizable faces on their pages. If your story has a link to a person to whom this newspaper does not have access, the journalist will gladly grab it.

    Know how to sell yourself.
    Usually I send the latest article, which says about me, to my acquaintances via e-mail with the postscript: "Another cheeky attempt by Ferrazzi to make himself an advertisement."

    Do not limit yourself in self-advertisement.
    The most important thing is to remember that your circle of friends, colleagues and clients is the most powerful means by which you can express yourself. Everything they say about you determines the value of your name.

    Chapter 25. Learn to write

    In the art of networking, this skill may not seem to be the most important, but believe me, it will be of great benefit to you.

    First of all, drop all your romantic ideas about writing. Writing is not an easy task, but everybody does it, regardless of status and talent. The only thing needed to become a writer is a pen, paper and a desire to express oneself.

    Very many things in the business world are written in collaboration. If you write an article in collaboration, then the mere realization that you are moving toward a common goal together turns your relationship from formal into more intimate. You now have every reason to maintain and develop contacts with them.

    Chapter 26. Stay Closer to Power

    Well, if you think about something, then think big.
    Donald trump

    People who have achieved fame and fame in our understanding often have qualities and skills that we admire. Many of these people have come to their present position because of risk, passion, dedication, hard work and a positive attitude towards life. Many of them had to overcome many difficulties on this path.

    In order to convince such a person that you are only interested in him as a person, and not as a subject of adoration of the crowd, you need to take a break from his glory and concentrate all attention on his interests. It should always be remembered that even the most famous and influential personalities are first and foremost people. I discovered that trust is the main element of communication with famous and influential people.

    It is very useful to always be at the right time in the right place. But in order to get acquainted with influential people, it is not at all necessary to attend elegant receptions and closed conferences.

    Chapter 27. Create your club, and people will come to you.

    You can call it a clan, a circle of friends, a tribe, or a family. But whatever the name of it all, you need it.

    Jane howard

    You will not be able to get to the elegant high-society party right tomorrow. Well, do not worry about it. Each of us has an entrepreneurial spirit in our soul. If you are not invited to a summit, then why not organize your own?

    Neither a diploma from Harvard University, nor even an invitation to Davos will replace a personal initiative. Think about what you can offer to others from your knowledge, contacts, interests and experience. Gather people around you and start acting.

    Chapter 28. Resist Pride

    Everyone in life can trap failures. What will you do if a person who previously responded immediately to your phone calls, suddenly refuses to even pick up the phone?

    Rising to the top, you need to be modest. Help those who climb up next to you. Whom of the famous people you might make acquaintance with, do not forget that your most valuable contacts are those that you already have.

    Chapter 29. Learn and teach others. And so on to infinity

    To teach others is to learn again yourself.

    G. J. Brown

    "Always thrice with money, you see, something will stick to you." It is not surprising that my father always insisted that I "rub" next to those who have more money, knowledge and skills.

    The circle of communication of a person largely determines who he will become.

    The director of a firm can learn from a manager in the same way as vice versa. In some young companies, about a month after being hired, new employees are offered to put their impressions on paper, assuming that with a fresh look you can better see the problems and suggest some innovations.

    I personally learn a lot from my young students, who periodically help me refresh my knowledge and take a fresh look at the world.

    Chapter 30. Forget about the balance

    Balance is a myth. When I came to understand that the main thing in my life is relationships with people, I stopped making distinctions between work, family and friends. These areas are part of me, my life. For example, I could just as well spend my birthday at a business conference surrounded by friends, as well as at home in Los Angeles or New York, where friends would also surround me.

    Balance is a way of thinking. In the end, we have only one life, and how we live it depends on the people around us.

    More people - more stable balance. We adjust our schedule of life only to the most necessary and significant actions. If you have a wide circle of connections, then it doubles and triples your ability to find a new and favorite activity.

    Comparative studies of the level of stress and employee dissatisfaction with their work showed that people brought up in the culture of individualism suffer from more stress than the cultures that are more focused on communication

    Oscar Wilde once said that if we can assume that he did not work a single day in this life. If your life is filled with people you care about just like they care for you, then there is no point in worrying about some sort of balance.

    Chapter 31. Welcome to the era of communication

    People are social beings. We are born thanks to other people. We survive with the help of others. Whether we like it or not, in our life we ​​can hardly find the moments when we are not dependent on others. Therefore, it is not surprising that human happiness is the result of our relationship with others.

    Dalai Lama XIV

    Famous writer and lecturer Rabbi Harold Kushner once said wise words: “Our souls crave not fame, not comfort, not wealth, and not power. Having achieved all these benefits, we create for ourselves almost as many problems as we solve with their help. Our souls are eager to understand what the meaning and meaning of existence is, they want to be sure that with their lives we have changed this world at least a little. ”

    Always remember that love, reciprocity and knowledge are not a bank account that becomes smaller as it is used. Creativity generates creativity, money generates money, knowledge generates knowledge, friendship creates new friends, and one success leads to the next. And most importantly: the more you give, the more you get.

    First of all, be sincere with yourself. How much time are you willing to spend on communicating with people? How much are you willing to give them before you get something in return? How many mentors do you have? For whom are you yourself a mentor? What do you like to do? How do you want to live? Which people would you like to make part of your life?

    Anthropologist Margaret Mead once said: “There is no doubt that a small group of thinking and enthusiastic citizens can change the world. That is what has always happened in history . I hope that you too can repeat this. But remember that it is impossible to do it alone. We must act together.

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