100,000 years since the invention of the wheel

    Today, October 18, 2013, we celebrate a significant anniversary: ​​100,000 years since the invention of the wheel. The name of the inventor is known to every child: Shmukh Jr.

    Here is his image, the only surviving.


    Shmukh Jr. was born in a simple working family Shmukh Sr. and a female without a name.

    The times were dark, primitive - nothing foretold future world glory. The only thing that distinguished Shmukha Jr. from other primitive children was curiosity: he liked to take a sharp pebble and open the belly of some animal and bird - to see what was inside them. The future inventor was also characterized by a natural temper: if he was disturbed in satisfying his curiosity, the boy threw himself at the offender and did not calm down until he broke his head.

    Inquisitiveness and quick temper and led to the discovery made - an event unprecedented in the history of world invention! - at the age of 12 years. Circumstances are known from the rock memoirs found in the Cave of Pachico-Marungo (Mexico).

    Once Shmukh Jr. stumbled upon a flat stone of irregular shape, which interested him, and carried him into a residential cave with him. The teenager's curiosity was kindled to the highest degree, but at the silent request of the female mother, Pope Shmukh Sr. demanded that the stone be taken out. The inquisitive child came into a frenzy, grabbed what was sought and began to koldybasit them along the walls of the cave, as a result of which the corners of the brought stone were hewn, and the find acquired pronounced rounded shapes. Despite this, she was thrown out of the cave with her owner, with an instruction not to return.

    Due to such circumstances, Shmukh Jr. lost his initial interest to the stone, threw it aside and returned to the comfortable parental cave, where he fell asleep.

    Perhaps the next morning the boy would not have remembered the ill-fated stone if it were not for the neighbour’s children. She found a stone thrown out by the younger Shmukh and now with unceremonious laughter she rolled it on the ground, and the stone, thanks to its round shape, easily rolled ten or more steps without falling to the side. Outraged by such arrogance, the young inventor roared and, with the intention of taking away the find, threw his fists at the dumbfounded igrenov. A fight ensued, in which, in addition to the children of the neighborhood and Shmukha Jr., their parents and other members of the tribe took part.

    The brawl ended with a convincing victory for the Shmukhov family and its supporters. The stone was returned to its rightful owner, and Shmukh Sr., in order to avoid similar misunderstandings in the future, ordered to secure in the property for his son not only the stone itself, but also its rounded shape. From this historic moment, none of the members of the tribe had no right to use round-shaped objects without the personal permission of Shmukh Sr. Of course, permits were issued on a commercial basis: at a fixed rate or for the percentage of hunting prey.

    When one of the tribe members guessed to pierce a hole in a rounded stone and insert a stick into it, and insert the same rounded stone from the other end of the stick, and then tie the stick to the skin of the cave deer, it turned out to be a one-wheeled axle. Using this device, hunters could drag all the carcasses of large mammals to the cave, whereas earlier, due to overwhelming gravity, they were forced to leave most of them to be torn apart by predators. Hunters gave Svmukh Sr. half of the lead-on hunters as a fee for a patent — the patent rate was set at 50% —but they took the rest for themselves, which greatly improved their own well-being.

    The Shmukhov family ceased to go hunting, fully devoting themselves to management activities.

    Within two years, and almost imperceptibly to those around him, Smukh Sr. became the leader of the tribe, and he appointed his child Shmukha Jr., whose inventive talent was a high administrative post, was appointed head of the patent service. Smukha Jr. was responsible for ensuring that no member of the tribe used round objects without official permission. There was no time left for inventive activity, but the revenues from the first and the only remaining invention - a rounded stone called the Wheel - supported by the authority and with a bold force of persuasion of the Pope-Leader, continued to flow and demanded control.

    Commerce flourished, but once, having climbed the highest hill in the district, Shmukh Jr. noticed representatives of a neighboring tribe, who used exactly the kind of trash used by his tribe. You can imagine how the inventor, who just turned 15, was wounded and offended in the highest senses. Shmukh Jr. did not dare to enter into a dialogue with infringers of patent law, behind whom there was a numerical superiority, but in a frenzy poked up nearby bushes and smashed rocks.

    Pretty depressed and scratched, the head of the patent service returned home and complained to his father, who at the end of the story came to no less a frenzy than his son. Even the mother-mother, who was trying on a new skin in front of a puddle at that moment, was frightened by their belligerent cries.

    The tribe raised in alarm formed a representative delegation headed by the leader, which immediately went to the neighbors for negotiations.

    Unfortunately, the negotiations ended in failure. When Shmukh Sr. explained the essence of the matter to the representatives of the neighboring tribe, demanding either to immediately stop using rounded objects, or - inexpensively, just over half the monthly production! - to acquire a legal patent for the right to use them, the negotiators expressively twisted with batons around the temple and thus outlawed themselves.

    Shmukh Sr. gave a battle cry, and the soldiers who had jumped out of the ambush began to systematically destroy patent terrorists.

    Restoration of legality in the territory of a neighboring tribe lasted about a week, during which the violators were almost completely destroyed, but at the end of the battle they managed to inflict irreparable damage on the security forces: the leader of the Shmukh tribe died a brave death from a crazy enemy baton.

    After mourning his deceased father, Shmukh Jr. continued his work, fully devoting himself to collecting income from the use of round objects.

    Nothing is known about his further activities: from this episode the rock memoirs have been lost. Only the concluding passage survived, from which it follows that Shmukh Jr. was a virtuous ruler, lived to a ripe old age and died at the age of 27, without needing anything, surrounded by universal honor and respect.

    Today, on the occasion of the 100,000th anniversary, we pay tribute to the memory of Shmukh Jr., also his father Shmukh Sr. Without their scientific and administrative efforts, we would not have known technological progress: we did not live in comfortable three-storey caves built by Shmukh Behlding Incorporated, did not drive on Shmukh Telezhan four-wheeled carts, which are operated by animals tamed by Shmukh Zuu Kompani specialists, and were not treated with tablets produced by Shmukh Pharmaceutical Industries, due to which - although some thousand centuries have passed since the invention of the wheel - our average lifespan has increased from 25 to 29 years.

    Thank you, Shmukh Jr., for the wheel. By your invention you have done good to all of us, Neanderthals.

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