Yes that you lived with 80 GB in the head! As the efforts of Hollywood technology turn into a mockery

    Hello% username%! Films in the genre of "fiction" are beautiful because they almost always push people and technology. Either the heroes acquire new abilities with the help of these very technologies, or the technologies, in turn, limit people and homo sapiens bravely overcome these limitations. And sometimes the technical innovations in the films turn into a farce, and not necessarily the fault of the "filmmakers". We understand why it comes out this way and remember the loudest cinema blunders associated with IT.

    “Celebrated on February 23. We don’t have military men in the company, so nobody spoiled the holiday , ”the classics wrote , and it’s amazing how right they were! Because the fantastic action films, which seem to have been created for geeks and in the name of geeks, are most confused by the technically competent audience. when it comes to watching any fantastic action movie geek. Some of the pearls of Hollywood writers cause a smile, some - irritation, and some of the nuances - shame. Today we will figure out what phenomena provoke a bouquet of such feelings among us, and ponder whether there are truly prophetic pictures among the films in the “fiction” genre, or all the technologies in the artistic picture are depicted on the principle of “finger to the sky”, and the audience is only think up technical details instead of stupid screenwriters?

    Today we learn a little to understand the varieties of Hollywood nonsense.

    "Stupid viewers won't notice the difference anyway"

    The cutest reception in the cinema is when, under the guise of technology from the future, the familiar "giblets" of programs and operating systems flash from the desktop computers.

    Geek discontent is swept away by the old technique “the author sees it so” and “ you need to read more newspapers ”. Few techniques of idiotic amid with this sauce:

    Good robots are based on DOS, evil - based on Mac OS

    The computing machine is a sinister and mysterious creature. He speaks in an incomprehensible language, asks for mystical data, self-diagnostics is engaged periodically. And, just in case, closes the logs of what is happening to yourself review. For example, the notorious Terminator, instead of sending logos to himself directly to the brain, transmitted them to his “organs of sight”. Such a robot goes without external administration and reports to itself "what a good day, as well as the efficiency of my systems," and then discovers the enemy and shouts the words "the enemy is within reach!" Along all the borders of his peripheral vision.

    And it would be okay if Robocop was engaged in it, in which the neurons of the brain interact with the silicon processor and flash memory - he is nothingsome human features are not alien. But after all, the digital machine initially flaunts in the same way, simply because the execution of the code by the machine will not be spectacular and convincing for the viewer.

    Robocop's life, literally, depended on the stability of MS-DOS — instead of a software add-on optimized for interaction with a living organism, the robot-policeman was content with a handicraft-modified system for x86 processors.

    "What is it like to know that MS-DOS is responsible for your livelihoods?", - as if asked by Robocop, the

    Terminator Mentioned above, by the way, is not content with Microsoft products, and implements "premium user experience" - works on Apple II-based hardware and reads life hacking for Apple enthusiasts from Nibble magazine at the same time as “killing humans.”

    War is war, and reading Apple's

    life hacking is priceless The T800 programming stuff from the movie “Terminator 2” miraculously did without disgrace on the air, but Terminator TX from the third part of the franchise runs on Mac OS 9 and updates itself with Quicktime Player during free from routine time.

    It's time to update Quicktime, Miss Terminator.

    But don't be in a hurry to think that Apple is always playing on the side of the bad guys - don't forget that the Macintosh Powerbook 5300 was able to load a virus into an alien ship on Independence Day and save humanity. Information security specialist note: on the day of the apocalypse, use Mac OS to hack extraterrestrial operating systems.

    We hack aliens with the help of Apple's laptop and save the Earth

    And do not hesitate to contact the US president on such a crucial day - otherwise experts from India will do all the work, right in Windows Media Player

    now playing
    Title: Stupid Movie
    Director: Bollywood Knight
    Actor: Computer Cracker 80 lvl

    Aliens cause damage to mankind with banners on JavaScript, cops interrogate suspects in the game chatter

    The methodology “Mikhalych, draw us terrible computer things for Kints!” Has always justified itself, so the cinema is not shy to turn into a mockery of not only earthly, but also alien creatures. For example, in the movie “Stargate: The Ark of Truth” (2008), the alien robot wrote code for pop-up windows in JavaScript — that is, it caused even more torment to humanity by its activities than aliens usually do.

    In the hit counter series, the missile guidance system includes WordPress code, and in a recent action movie Jason Bourne (2016), hackers “use SQL to hack databases” (not SQL injections). No reason not to hit the rally on the road!

    Well you are computer scientists, you know better!

    Justice also works in the most sophisticated way - criminologists from New York (TV series "CSI: Crime Scene New York") create a "graphical interface using Visual Basic to track down the IP criminals." IchSH, succeed in this!

    In another series, the same guards order a gamer in the MMORPG Second Life to interrogate him. They are almost certain that the suspect is no longer alive, but they track the activity of his game character. Notice that the gamer is online and call him in for questioning in the game.

    A gamer does not want to communicate with the guards and ... does not turn off the computer or game chat, but runs away from the character that the cops have created! The best and only way to avoid unpleasant conversation in an online game! Not sparing the keyboard and mouse, the cops catch up with him and enforce justice. And so it will be with everyone who badly focuses on locations in the MMORPG!
    By the way, we don’t already know about keyboard and mouse that the keyboard can be a weapon in the hands of hackers and office workers, but the subject of the blowThe mechanical keyboard with a metal plate cinema has not yet been disclosed. Perhaps because for the sake of this would have to rewrite the age rating of the film.

    Overshot with prophecy

    People of art always want to let the public know that they are aware of new trends and can experience technology with all their hearts. But almost any “high-tech” in art works becomes obsolete and in a short time becomes a joke on itself. If the melancholic song about “ Internet addiction ” performed by Zemfira still awakens nostalgic feelings (and even then, you can not help but grin at the sound of a dial-up modem), then today you already feel uneasy about the hymns of greatness of SMS. But the songs of vital come and go, but the fantastic action films, comedies and thrillers live longer, so the creators miss the mistake when the film goes into the category of classics.

    A couple of years ago it was fashionable to nod at the predictions in the movie “Back to the Future 2”, whose authors guessed many trends (smart watches / glasses / clothes / home, fingerprint scanners, drones) and missed when they portrayed massive flying cars, usable fuel from waste and hoverboards (the latter remained a sham despite several presentations on the topic).

    One of the few parts of the film, which did not coincide with reality.

    The most absurdities of films are shown in the predictions of how computers will be controlled and their interface will be in the distant future. Even if we forget that in the film “Doctor Who” humanity uses Apple keyboards 50 thousand years after their appearance, examples of naive interpretations of the future do not end there.

    In my mouth my feet Hard my head!

    It is impossible so easy to take and not to remember in the Kingston blog a film with the most stupid prediction about drives - "Johnny Mnemonic". The very idea of ​​a thriller about a messenger-carrier of information is brilliant, “forever young” Keanu Reeves plays talentedly, but ... 80 gigabytes in my head? In 2021? Even in 2016, this volume is enough except for a half Call of Duty , not to mention any detailed video files. Moreover, 5.25-inch models with 1 GB of flash memory existed back in the 1990s - didn’t the writers have the courage to fantasize something more worthwhile for 26 years?

    “So many cases, so many cases - even in the head do not fit!”

    Moreover, we do not know how his very analog brain was turned into a digital storage device. Implant-HDD in the head? Somehow not very suitable for a courier with, ahem, active lifestyle. With him, it is enough to fill a lump in the forehead in any minibus so that the "roof went" finally and irrevocably. In general, if the film receives a remake, Johnny’s extraordinary memory will have to be justified by implanting a solid-state drive. HyperX Predato r, for example, but faster and terabyte of commercials at 20 (the future), for example?

    True, over time, the filmmakers themselves have realized that power and truth are not behind hard drives, but behind flash drives. Because in the drive compatible with computers in 2014, you can write not only the essence of “simple men”, but even Scarlett Johansson Lucy, drugged with drugs, with her brain dispersed to one hundred percent efficiency. Given that the heroine Johansson in the film uses "craft" technology to create a drive, it is unlikely that her gift to Morgan Freeman is based on serial flash memory. But if you assume that Lucy is located on the most capacious flash drive at that time (1 TB, guess who the manufacturer is? ), You can calculate that one Scarlett Johansson is about 12 relaxed and 6 agitated Keanu Reeves with much better portability. A new record-capaciousA flash drive with a capacity of 2 TB with such assumptions can be written to Lucy in duplicate. If such “dual-core” drives turn out to “deploy the system” - the male half of humanity will line up for the likes of LiveUSB.

    In the next life, I want to be a flash drive.

    And naive Will Smith, in a naive way, is trying to hide from the US National Security Agency only with an eye on their ability to take pictures from the satellite and cameras, along with telephone conversations. Even declassified information (projects "Echelon" and Main Core ") suggests that the secret services acted much more comprehensively and skillfully than Hollywood scriptwriters could have imagined. And in the 1990s, too.

    The new time has deprived the creators of stories of the ability to use old methods - now the main character can no longer be sent to phone booths throughout the city, which the mysterious villain will call. Because there are no more phone booths on the streets. And the sinister VHS tapes that killed their viewers are no longer there either. As well as autoresponders from which heroes forget to listen to important warnings. Like anonymity online almost. As the opportunity to get lost in the city, as long as the GPS is caught at every corner. And how many films would not have been born if the 1970s were used by mankind in their modern form?

    Do films predict the future?

    Oh yeah! Even as predicted! Contrary to the fact that most motion pictures fall into the sky, a huge number of films were predicted (or designed - do not forget that the developers of gadgets also watch movies) our digital present.

    Three-dimensional interfaces, artificial intelligence, hybrid computers, retina scanners and fingerprints, human-like robots (giant and not-so), voice assistants, high-tech prostheses, video telephony, cyber attacks, and much more were predicted by science fiction writers and feature films, and not managers of IT corporations in the rant at briefings.

    Often, films demonstrate gadgets that we see in reality decades later.

    Moreover, we can only distinguish nonsense from providence in art works after a long time, and there are much more reasons for joy from realized digital aspirations than motives for disappointment. Good and joyful to you high-tech future, our dear enthusiasts!

    Is it really bloopers?

    The delusion of a single person, who with the technique on “you” is not a big deal. But the nonsense propagated in the films outgrow, at least, into myths, so it is possible and necessary to incriminate “filmmakers” in nonsense. Share in the comments, in which films the technologies are applied ultily in a stupid way - we feel the shame “for that guy”, and the beginners will take into account your observations and become wiser!

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