6 habits of confident people
Fearless children often turn into insecure adults. How do people manage to maintain self-confidence, despite the defeat ? In this article, Stephanie Vozza talks about habits that are common to all confident people.
When my son was 4 years old, he wore a superhero cloak. All the time. I remember the trip to the Home Depot repair shop when he dressed in shorts and a shirt, cowboy boots, swimming goggles, garden gloves and a raincoat. And although he attracted the surprised looks of those around him, he nevertheless calmly stomped through the store, confident in himself and his outfit.
Many of us grow out of children's ideals, but why do we often also leave behind the sense of confidence that accompanied us then?
Doubts about oneself are not uncommon - especially among women - and for many this feeling is constant. A study by British scientists at the Leadership and Management Institute found that 50% of female respondents and 31% of men did not feel confident about work and career.
“We were born with the ability to be the best, to be who we really are,” says Jen Sincero, author of “You Are a Hero: How to Stop Doubting Your Exceptionality and Start Living an Amazing Life . ” “But then we listen to the opinions that exist in our fear-based society, and they beat us up. To be self-confident means to remove the husk of doubt, fear, torment and return to your essence. Confident people understood how to return to their true Self. ”
Katie Kay and Clare Shipman, co-authors of Code of Confidence: The Science and Art of Self-Confidence - What Women Should Know, believe that self-confidence is not just a worldview. “We spent a lot of time trying to determine confidence because we felt that it would be easier to develop the topic, knowing what it was,” they wrote in the book. “In the end, we came to the conclusion: confidence is a factor that makes life itself possible - it is that quality that turns thoughts into actions.”
Gaining self-confidence requires practice, thoughtful risk, and a change in thinking , say Kay, Shipman, and Sincero. The following are 6 habits that are typical of all self-confident people.
1. They push themselves out of their comfort zone.
Nothing helps to become more self-confident as an action, especially when the action involves the risk of failure, say Kay and Shipman. Confident people start small and continue to act until they begin to feel more confident in the performance of this task.
“Nerves are normal, this happens to everyone,” write Kay and Shipman. The difference between a confident and an insecure person is simply that a confident person acts in accordance with his ambitions and desires and does not give fear of defeat to stop him. "
2. They look at defeat for granted
Confident people are not protected from defeat, but instead of allowing the defeat to stop themselves, they relate to failure as information to reflection.
“This is another notch in the line of their experience and proof that they began to move in the direction they want to go,” says Sincero. "Confident people are grateful for the experience of the lesson, which allowed them to adjust their course."
Surviving is not the strongest species, but those that can better adapt, say Kay and Shipman.
3. They control their speech
Sincero emphasizes that confident people don’t speak badly about themselves. Instead, they question their doubts. “Instead of believing that the idea is 100% true (for example, the feeling“ I am a loser ”), they understand that they have allowed themselves to believe in something that is not the absolute truth, and added their own feelings to this postulate,” says the author.
Kay and Shipman call it getting rid of NAM (Negative Automatic Thoughts): “Women are especially prone to NAM. We think we made one small mistake, and then think it over for hours ... and that kills our self-confidence. ”
To get rid of US, co-authors advise you to remember three good things that you did for every negative thought. With constant use, this method will help you eliminate the habit of thinking badly about yourself.
4. They take responsibility
“Instead of feeling like a victim of circumstances, confident people take responsibility for the situation and do something to change it,” says Sincero.
“They do not blame their parents or others, but take responsibility and change what gets in the way of achieving their goals,” the author points out.
5. They seek inspiration and advice.
Sincero emphasizes that confident people read books, take courses, practice meditation, and find coaches and teachers who are successful in what they want to do.
“If you are confident in yourself, then you don’t feel uncomfortable, letting others see your weaknesses and, thus, opening up to the study of new things from other people,” she says. “Uncertain people remain where they were because they are afraid to admit their weaknesses.”
6. They use power poses
If you sit straight, it will give you a short-term influx of confidence, explain Kay and Shipman. The co-authors advise holding the abs and raised chin, which they call "a surprisingly simple way, which is rarely used."
Also try nodding your head: "By doing this, you will feel more confident when you speak - and you will also send a subconscious signal that encourages other people to agree with you."
PS. We recommend another article on the topic - Daily 60 seconds and one word can reduce stress.
Translation by Vyacheslav Davidenko, founder of MBA Consult