Why he didn’t call us back-5, or How I escaped from an interview with a company, in which it is a great honor to work in

    The third day I drank coffee and read with interest the next moan of the chiefs, “oh, there is no personnel, only the stupid people go for an interview, but why should they pay money” and other classics “is not the same anymore.”
    The incoming advice was striking in its novelty and originality, ranging from “and tried to offer money” to “take a student and learn it yourself”.

    That's about all the boring diversity of these groans I would like to write, in free form.

    TL / DR: The bosses are regularly distinguished by original approaches during the interview, ranging from questions to what they propose to do “in fact”. But there is no money, only for a new Mercedes, and not for a new server.

    The vacancy sent to me by HR via HH was not particularly rich in content. If you throw out the list of technologies, of which half have not been used for five years, and the second was just everywhere, then the vacancy read: The employee is looking for a job. Payment in money. The amount of money is discussed with successful candidates. I didn’t have to choose too much - parents suspected something and recommended to stop attacking mamkin borscht, and to start working already.

    The office was not far from the metro, and, judging by the map, it was located in one of the numerous class G offices, which at one time were rebuilt toli from maskhalat tailoring factories, toli from scientific research institutes in the form of their cut.

    A brief survey of Google did not give any results - the company was not listed in the list of “very villains”.

    Part 1. Interview with HR.

    Quickly skipping a typical template story “we are a big and growing company that doesn’t understand what, what I can tell you about later,” HR proceeded to clarify who I am on a horoscope, and how this may affect my work duties. It turned out that not all signs are suitable for them in the company, because the lunar horoscope shows that, according to the psychological type, Magnus Red is suitable for the role of an analyst, and your psycho-type shows a tendency towards red, which in principle suits us, because we don’t have many very new technology.

    You know, HR confided to me, we have so many people here with stories about the general good of IT that it’s well worthless, it’s like that all IT people aren’t suitable for us. But you come to us.

    I shrugged. What is there for me psycho, I never measured, complaints about the size of this same type have been reported to work I had the equipment, so that the opinion of HR worried me a lot less than what about the salary, bonuses and other non-financial motivation to me because no one and did not say.
    You have a second round ahead of you, let me know if you are ready to take a small test now?
    I agreed - I wasn’t particularly scared of the tests, I passed the exam for a long time, so why not pass?

    Part 2. Test.

    The test was a little stranger than I used to see.

    A number of questions turned out to be simple, such as “there are two networks, on the same mask are thirty-second, on the other ports a 10-mb half-duplex. Where will you sit, where will you put the server with CEPH ”, some of them are unexpectedly complex, and also not written in Russian - You are a senior database administrator at Contoso, Ltd. SQL Server 2014 Instance, with multiple databases used for reporting.

    You have recently hired a junior database administrator. But it is not a question.

    The remaining questions in the test were, in my opinion, very strange - for example, which is better - / 23 or 2 * 255?

    I thought, and I think that the best is 2 * 100, and 2 * 255 is how? And most importantly, why? And in which scenario? And why 2 * 255, and not 4? Are we sorry?

    The second part of the questions from HR caused the greatest difficulties. What is my strength, what is weak, what do you see yourself in 15 years in our company.

    It was necessary to have a cheat sheet, I thought with distress, but it could not be that they were waiting for answers from me that I was strong and assiduous.

    Part 3. Future chief.

    Having filled out the test and gave it to the test, I saw that a possible future boss finally arrived at us.

    Why did you decide to go to our company, he asked?

    My personal opinion "because you called me" I still keep with me, and moved on to the rituals that worked well in school:

    Your company looks like a great workplace for a young employee like me. You, apparently, are perfectly positioned in the market, and you, as a growing company, will have for me a lot of prospects and career growth.

    It seems that my answer did not quite satisfy him, because he turned to the study of the test results.

    - Bad your business, comrade candidate - he said a couple of minutes later.
    - And who are they good now? - I objected.
    - However, you come to us! - said the boss after five minutes and ten additional questions.
    “The fact is,” he added, “that we recently lost our magnificent team.”

    “How?” I asked myself. “How could they lose a whole team?” This is not a bunch of keys. ”

    “I am very sorry to hear that,” I said, “how did it happen?”
    - And, said the head, their Roma lured them to Romania with some kind of dirty green paper. They were traitors, Stalin was not for them, but under Stalin they would be quickly forced to work!
    But you are not like that? He asked, just in case.
    - No, of course, I'm not like that! - I answered proudly.
    “Well, in that case, ask your questions,” the manager resolved.

    Part 4. Questions from me.

    “Good,” I said. - To begin with, where will my workplace be, somewhere here?
    “No, what are you,” said the boss. We ourselves only sell people, so your place will be somewhere in the area. I myself was not there, but they say it is good, nature, birch trees, okushkas in the river, near the reservoir bank, and the main thing is always warm - from our station there is a discharge pipe. The frogs are really big, but you know, this station is always like that, they eat someone more than once a year. The service bus from the metro runs once every two hours, so no one is late for work. Again, there are all the conditions to come a little earlier, because you do not want to go in a busy bus at 7 am? After all, it is much better to come a little earlier, sit a little longer, learn something new - you understand, the return bus is also alone and at 18 o'clock it’s difficult to get there, and there is no parking in the territory, entrance by private car is prohibited. But the next bus at 8 pm is already empty,
    “By the way,” he added, “you don’t drink?” We, you know, sometimes work on weekends, and our accounting department can’t hold a taxi, so you need to arrange a day off in such cases and pay for a taxi “here as a bonus”, but may not immediately follow the current one. quarter. Please note that we can call you on Saturday and you will have to go to the site, and I will immediately warn you - there is no remote access.

    Of course, I was upset by all of this, but did not file the species. Maybe, I thought, is there at least a good dining room?

    - What about studying? - I asked. - Is it possible to roll up to Barcelona at VMWorld or else where on Veeam, see the world?
    - Well, no, that you immediately begin to communicate normally? Said the boss. Why go to some Barcelona? There is Valdai, there is Crimea, and by the way, here is the opportunity to go to Sochi, there are roofing felts Antares, roofing felts Vega, roofing felts what kind of roofing felts Deineb, and this is not even an opportunity, but a requirement. And from abroad there will be some difficulties, but do not worry, only about five years old, but you are young, you will have time to do everything, and there’s nothing to watch, I read.
    - Well, - I said, - and let's talk about money.

    The boss made a strange hand gesture and said "forty thousand." I blinked twice and asked, is this what he did now with his hands? The boss made the same gesture, and again said "forty thousand before deduction." At this place, I began to overcome strange doubts. However, I remembered that my grandfather was a Toydarian, before he died, he sold me his watch and asked “what about the premium and allowances”?

    The boss began to look strange. It seemed that some force was pushing him down to the ground, and at some point it seemed to me that somewhere a giant toad snatched, but after a moment the burden passed.

    “You see,” the boss said. - You responded very badly to the test and questions, so only because you are so cute, I agree to talk about 40 thousand clean after a trial period of six months, but the premium will be in the form of a bonus, and of course you must earn it. Of course, you will have to show yourself, but you're done and you can do it!

    At that moment, I thought that the soup was certainly tired of me, but I would survive another 2-3 days.

    “Yes, of course,” I deftly lied. - But you know, working for you is indeed a great honor, may I think until Monday and consult with my mother and father?
    “Of course, of course,” the boss told me. - Call as soon as you decide, do not drag - you know yourself, the times are not easy now, the candidates are simply mountains.
    - Yes Yes. Of course the times are not the same now, - I said and ran away.

    Of course, I was ashamed, but I never called back. I hope this company is really all good.

    UPD. What to say something like.

    If your frames are not the same and do not go, as HR cried in article # 2, then check what happens to you.
    Or HR cuts off candidates.
    Or conditions for the money "in general" below the real market.
    Or “other conditions” - in the sense of working conditions — the road, the dining room, the room, the prospects are worse than the market, and the proposed monetary premium (what is called “above the market”) is not at all so interesting. Again, as in the case of article # 2.

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