Scrum is dead
“What you got accepted for, and they fired you.” - sighed heavily, said Bob. - I heard such a phrase?
- Not. - John answered gloomily.
“Do you remember why I took you to the tmlids?” - Bob turned away from John and stared out the window.
The view from the twenty-fifth floor was gorgeous, but it seemed that Bob had not seen it.
- I have my own version. - quietly said John. - It seems it was in a scram.
- Yes, it was in the scram. - Bob nodded, still looking out the window. - And I, honestly, can’t hear about him anymore. I do not want to say lofty words, but you have deceived me.
- I? - John asked puzzled.
- You and scrum. Your scrum Your initiative. - Bob turned and stared at John. Which will cost me a project. And heaps of money.
John looked down at the floor. He understood what the director was driving at.
“I ... I understand what you're talking about.” - uncertainly mumbled John.
“Here ... You're great, Johnny, you understand.” - on Bob's face there was a displeased grimace. - What should I do? I would love to kick you out right now! Do you understand this?
- Yes. - Without looking up, John said softly.
- But my hands are tied! This project is simply no one to pass! All teams are loaded to capacity, and before the deadline - just a month. Month, John! - Bob began to blush, which is not surprising when his body build - weight under three hundred pounds, shortness of breath, heart problems.
- We will try, we will make efforts. - John never raised his head.
- How? Well, explain to me? What else can you think of? Scrum you already invented, now what? Kanban? Devops? Feather ostrich in the ass paste? - Bob burned more and more.
- We will work seven days a week, six days a day. - continued to mumble John.
- What for? To the team burned? To someone started to faint fall?
- It is necessary - it means it is necessary, we are ready to put all our strength on this project ...
- It's you ready, John! - Bob pointed to John, and he had to raise his head so as not to be impolite.
- The guys are ready too. - John, as he could, gave confidence to the voice. - I talked to them, everyone understands how important this is, and that our destiny ...
- Your fate, John! - shouted Bob. - Only you are to blame for the failure of the project! The team has nothing to do with it, they are just developers, they do what you say! How do you drive a herd, so it goes, you know, John?
“I understand ...” John said contritely and bowed his head again.
- You were a great developer, and I never thought about making you a Timlide. - continued Bob on raised voices. - This is an alphabet, an axiom: a good developer is not a good team leader. But you ... No, I did not deceive me - I just powdered my brain with my scrum, and I decided - here, here it is, the team leader of a new generation! Initiative, thoughtful, seeking, not closed in stereotypes! The one I need! How wrong I was!
John was silent, not knowing what to say. The sense of hopelessness was so comprehensive, Bob was so right in everything that John did not come up with any idea how to defend himself, or at least turn the conversation to some other channel.
- I'm tired, John. - Bob's anger suddenly subsided. - I do not know what to do. You baffled me.
John just nodded his head like a guilty child who is scolded at the school board for the window broken in the classroom.
- I probably even understand you in a certain sense. - Bob stared out the window again. - I, too, believed in this crap. I'm talking about scrum. I also thought that he would help us to do projects faster. Devil take it, it’s written on the cover of this damn book! Four times faster!
“There are different interpretations ...” John finally mumbled. - We worked on the manifesto, and ...
- Yes, I know. - Bob waved his hand. - But you are a developer, a pure developer, even though you work as a team leader. Are you interested in the scram?
- Well, the process there seems to be correct, I tried this framework on our team, and ...
- That's it. - Bob nodded and turned back to John and even smiled. - I say - developed. For you, the main thing is the process that is inside. Technology, api, abstract. Well, like these your holivars are eternal, Reak or Angular, Java or Phn, at the front or on the back. And what is important to me, you know?
- Not. - John shook his head.
- And what is important to the customer, you know? - with a weary smile continued Bob.
- Well, probably the project to be delivered on time.
- Exactly. - Bob raised his finger up. - And to him, by and large, except in rare cases, it makes no difference what kind of money you used. Moreover, it is about the frameworks on which the service operates, and about the technologies that managed the project. There are wonderful projects that we did in the reactor. There are wonderful, highly profitable services that we wrote down on an angular. And there are the failures, the handicrafts that have devoured a lot of money, for which no one has paid - both on the reactor and on the angular. Do you understand?
- Yes. - John readily nodded. - I understand that the matter is not in technology and not in technology.
- Well, not quite. - Bob grimaced. - Technology, after all, is important. At least, technology management development, and the project as a whole. Here, now we know that from the scram, as from the technology of project management, little sense. I agree?
“Well ...” John pulled. - Still, I would not ...
- Yeah, that's it. - Bob frowned. “You don't understand something, Johnny?” I explain poorly?
“Yes, I understand, just ...” began John.
- Listen, hear and remember: I'll fire you to hell! - moved Bob to scream. - I can not lose so much money! Don just throw me out myself, do you understand that? We are not on the best score anyway, only one more country project was lacking!
John sighed heavily and stared at Bob. His gaze was not pleading - what could there be to beg. Just a minute ago, some kind of hope was warming up - that the conversation would turn into the mainstream of technologies and methods of work, and when, like that, right, in the forehead, like cold water from a bucket, what can you say about it. We must accept the fate as it is.
- If you think that we have an experimental laboratory here, or a university where you can study, try, make mistakes and try again - then you have mixed up something! - continued Bob. - I admit these your researches, tests of new technologies, but only in one case - if it will be useful for business! Any experiment has a beginning, middle, and end, understand? Your experiment - the end! My experiment - the end! You are my failed experiment. And scrum - my bad experiment!
“Perhaps we made a mistake somewhere using scram methods.” - John, realizing that there was nothing to lose, began to speak more boldly. - It can not be that he did not give any visible result. You liked the fact that we have become more and more stable to make releases. And the customer was sort of pleased.
- Of course I am satisfied! Because before that, he never got anything! - with a vicious grimace on his face continued Bob. - And now you feed him with these releases, like cookies! And he wants meat! Do you understand? Huge, delicious steak - that's what he needs! That's what he ordered! And not cookies, sauces, snacks and beer!
- Well, transparency has increased, you said yourself how convenient it was to evaluate the remainder of the project. - as if nothing had happened, continued John. - I'm talking about storypoints.
- I'm talking about storypoints. - mocked Bob, then returned to a more serious tone. - Of course, the benefits of the joint venture is, and I would like to leave them, even when we throw scrum.
- Exactly throw out? Asked John, frowning. “After all, there is so much benefit from it, for example ...”
- Right, John. - Bob nodded. - Scrum is dead. And we, and in general. There is no benefit from it. It was a dummy.
- It seems to me that it is early to draw conclusions, at least, only on the basis of the work of my team. - answered John.
- And I'm not just judging by your team. - Bob shrugged. - Do you remember the consultants?
- Yes.
- They stuck with us for three months, and in the end they said that we had the right scrum. - smiled Bob. - But, no matter how much I talked to them, they could not answer me exactly, how could I do projects faster, after all? Do you understand? They have behind them - years of working with this methodology, hundreds of projects and teams, some certificates are issued, but what is the point?
It seems that these are some kind of sectarians, moreover, at the level of a kindergarten. With you, developers, they are great at talking - you hang your ears, open your mouth, and listen to tales of how you will now have fun, fun and great.
And when serious people, like me, talk with these sectarians, and the topic of conversation is money, and not ephemeral projects, services, products and construction points, they immediately somehow get lost, dodge, almost run away.
- Yes, I understand. - John nodded.
- He understands. - grinned Bob. - I went to the seminar - well, where they gather businessmen and directors, like me, and treat me on how good scrum is, how it will increase profitability, the speed of project closure, how we will drive all competitors to the coffin. And you know what?
- What?
“Ah ... nothing.” - raised his eyebrows Bob. - There, of course, a lot of new people were, this is their favorite audience, they can cram their crazy ideas into their heads.
But there were people like me. Do you know how to distinguish such? By sight, by a mixture of hope and despair. We come to such events to find! Anything to find, you know? Find what we missed. Find those who have succeeded in something - not your boards with stickers to hang out, but in business, you earn more money!
Find yourself, yourself, an excuse in the end! Well, I can not be such an idiot, who gave a lot of money for hell, understand that, I did not get anything useful in return, except for another toy for developers and timlids! Do you understand? This is a very painful, oppressive, unpleasant feeling, and it is impossible to hide it.
Someone, of course, continues to zombie himself - hey, I'm fine! I have a scram! But it is up to the first booze. I went, then, after the seminar, to the bar, hooked up to one - also a eggey who, and what would you think? After two bottles of whiskey, everything fell into place. The same problem, the same uncomprehending look, almost tears, understand? Everyone understands that he bought a cat in a bag, spent the money of the owner, and now he is ashamed to look into his eyes.
And the nastiest thing - no one has enough courage to throw this cat away, to drown it, along with the bag! And these creatures, psychologists are crap, they understand this! Even as they understand! That's why more and more money is being rowed, all the time pushing the horizon away - do not be afraid, hey, everything will be fine! Scrum develops! Does not work? Nothing wrong! Here, try this method! It goes well with Scum! Here, just sign here ... And we are waiting for the prepayment.
- And you, it turns out, have enough courage? - smiled John.
- I have enough common sense. - shrug Bob. - I am the same employee as you. If you healed me, I won’t be able to heal Don, I won’t even try. Not the right person. Too ... Normal. Simple, straightforward. And can count money. Plus - we are not his only business. The rest, as you know, are not related to the IT and the web.
- I see. - John nodded. - So what is the result?
- Do not you understand? - raised his eyebrows Bob.
- Got it, but I want to hear from you. - shrugged John. - And then again I do not understand. Scrum - everything?
- Scrum is dead. For us. - with a serious look said Bob. “I don't want to hear anything more about him.” To the evening there were no boards on the walls.
- How to work? - frowned John.
- Simply. Fine. Work. - chasing every word, said Bob.
- I see. - John nodded. - Everything?
- Everything.
John got up from his chair and walked toward the exit. When he reached the door, he stopped because he heard Bob's voice.
- Think with your head, John.
PS Do you need a continuation?
- Not. - John answered gloomily.
“Do you remember why I took you to the tmlids?” - Bob turned away from John and stared out the window.
The view from the twenty-fifth floor was gorgeous, but it seemed that Bob had not seen it.
- I have my own version. - quietly said John. - It seems it was in a scram.
- Yes, it was in the scram. - Bob nodded, still looking out the window. - And I, honestly, can’t hear about him anymore. I do not want to say lofty words, but you have deceived me.
- I? - John asked puzzled.
- You and scrum. Your scrum Your initiative. - Bob turned and stared at John. Which will cost me a project. And heaps of money.
John looked down at the floor. He understood what the director was driving at.
“I ... I understand what you're talking about.” - uncertainly mumbled John.
“Here ... You're great, Johnny, you understand.” - on Bob's face there was a displeased grimace. - What should I do? I would love to kick you out right now! Do you understand this?
- Yes. - Without looking up, John said softly.
- But my hands are tied! This project is simply no one to pass! All teams are loaded to capacity, and before the deadline - just a month. Month, John! - Bob began to blush, which is not surprising when his body build - weight under three hundred pounds, shortness of breath, heart problems.
- We will try, we will make efforts. - John never raised his head.
- How? Well, explain to me? What else can you think of? Scrum you already invented, now what? Kanban? Devops? Feather ostrich in the ass paste? - Bob burned more and more.
- We will work seven days a week, six days a day. - continued to mumble John.
- What for? To the team burned? To someone started to faint fall?
- It is necessary - it means it is necessary, we are ready to put all our strength on this project ...
- It's you ready, John! - Bob pointed to John, and he had to raise his head so as not to be impolite.
- The guys are ready too. - John, as he could, gave confidence to the voice. - I talked to them, everyone understands how important this is, and that our destiny ...
- Your fate, John! - shouted Bob. - Only you are to blame for the failure of the project! The team has nothing to do with it, they are just developers, they do what you say! How do you drive a herd, so it goes, you know, John?
“I understand ...” John said contritely and bowed his head again.
- You were a great developer, and I never thought about making you a Timlide. - continued Bob on raised voices. - This is an alphabet, an axiom: a good developer is not a good team leader. But you ... No, I did not deceive me - I just powdered my brain with my scrum, and I decided - here, here it is, the team leader of a new generation! Initiative, thoughtful, seeking, not closed in stereotypes! The one I need! How wrong I was!
John was silent, not knowing what to say. The sense of hopelessness was so comprehensive, Bob was so right in everything that John did not come up with any idea how to defend himself, or at least turn the conversation to some other channel.
- I'm tired, John. - Bob's anger suddenly subsided. - I do not know what to do. You baffled me.
John just nodded his head like a guilty child who is scolded at the school board for the window broken in the classroom.
- I probably even understand you in a certain sense. - Bob stared out the window again. - I, too, believed in this crap. I'm talking about scrum. I also thought that he would help us to do projects faster. Devil take it, it’s written on the cover of this damn book! Four times faster!
“There are different interpretations ...” John finally mumbled. - We worked on the manifesto, and ...
- Yes, I know. - Bob waved his hand. - But you are a developer, a pure developer, even though you work as a team leader. Are you interested in the scram?
- Well, the process there seems to be correct, I tried this framework on our team, and ...
- That's it. - Bob nodded and turned back to John and even smiled. - I say - developed. For you, the main thing is the process that is inside. Technology, api, abstract. Well, like these your holivars are eternal, Reak or Angular, Java or Phn, at the front or on the back. And what is important to me, you know?
- Not. - John shook his head.
- And what is important to the customer, you know? - with a weary smile continued Bob.
- Well, probably the project to be delivered on time.
- Exactly. - Bob raised his finger up. - And to him, by and large, except in rare cases, it makes no difference what kind of money you used. Moreover, it is about the frameworks on which the service operates, and about the technologies that managed the project. There are wonderful projects that we did in the reactor. There are wonderful, highly profitable services that we wrote down on an angular. And there are the failures, the handicrafts that have devoured a lot of money, for which no one has paid - both on the reactor and on the angular. Do you understand?
- Yes. - John readily nodded. - I understand that the matter is not in technology and not in technology.
- Well, not quite. - Bob grimaced. - Technology, after all, is important. At least, technology management development, and the project as a whole. Here, now we know that from the scram, as from the technology of project management, little sense. I agree?
“Well ...” John pulled. - Still, I would not ...
- Yeah, that's it. - Bob frowned. “You don't understand something, Johnny?” I explain poorly?
“Yes, I understand, just ...” began John.
- Listen, hear and remember: I'll fire you to hell! - moved Bob to scream. - I can not lose so much money! Don just throw me out myself, do you understand that? We are not on the best score anyway, only one more country project was lacking!
John sighed heavily and stared at Bob. His gaze was not pleading - what could there be to beg. Just a minute ago, some kind of hope was warming up - that the conversation would turn into the mainstream of technologies and methods of work, and when, like that, right, in the forehead, like cold water from a bucket, what can you say about it. We must accept the fate as it is.
- If you think that we have an experimental laboratory here, or a university where you can study, try, make mistakes and try again - then you have mixed up something! - continued Bob. - I admit these your researches, tests of new technologies, but only in one case - if it will be useful for business! Any experiment has a beginning, middle, and end, understand? Your experiment - the end! My experiment - the end! You are my failed experiment. And scrum - my bad experiment!
“Perhaps we made a mistake somewhere using scram methods.” - John, realizing that there was nothing to lose, began to speak more boldly. - It can not be that he did not give any visible result. You liked the fact that we have become more and more stable to make releases. And the customer was sort of pleased.
- Of course I am satisfied! Because before that, he never got anything! - with a vicious grimace on his face continued Bob. - And now you feed him with these releases, like cookies! And he wants meat! Do you understand? Huge, delicious steak - that's what he needs! That's what he ordered! And not cookies, sauces, snacks and beer!
- Well, transparency has increased, you said yourself how convenient it was to evaluate the remainder of the project. - as if nothing had happened, continued John. - I'm talking about storypoints.
- I'm talking about storypoints. - mocked Bob, then returned to a more serious tone. - Of course, the benefits of the joint venture is, and I would like to leave them, even when we throw scrum.
- Exactly throw out? Asked John, frowning. “After all, there is so much benefit from it, for example ...”
- Right, John. - Bob nodded. - Scrum is dead. And we, and in general. There is no benefit from it. It was a dummy.
- It seems to me that it is early to draw conclusions, at least, only on the basis of the work of my team. - answered John.
- And I'm not just judging by your team. - Bob shrugged. - Do you remember the consultants?
- Yes.
- They stuck with us for three months, and in the end they said that we had the right scrum. - smiled Bob. - But, no matter how much I talked to them, they could not answer me exactly, how could I do projects faster, after all? Do you understand? They have behind them - years of working with this methodology, hundreds of projects and teams, some certificates are issued, but what is the point?
It seems that these are some kind of sectarians, moreover, at the level of a kindergarten. With you, developers, they are great at talking - you hang your ears, open your mouth, and listen to tales of how you will now have fun, fun and great.
And when serious people, like me, talk with these sectarians, and the topic of conversation is money, and not ephemeral projects, services, products and construction points, they immediately somehow get lost, dodge, almost run away.
- Yes, I understand. - John nodded.
- He understands. - grinned Bob. - I went to the seminar - well, where they gather businessmen and directors, like me, and treat me on how good scrum is, how it will increase profitability, the speed of project closure, how we will drive all competitors to the coffin. And you know what?
- What?
“Ah ... nothing.” - raised his eyebrows Bob. - There, of course, a lot of new people were, this is their favorite audience, they can cram their crazy ideas into their heads.
But there were people like me. Do you know how to distinguish such? By sight, by a mixture of hope and despair. We come to such events to find! Anything to find, you know? Find what we missed. Find those who have succeeded in something - not your boards with stickers to hang out, but in business, you earn more money!
Find yourself, yourself, an excuse in the end! Well, I can not be such an idiot, who gave a lot of money for hell, understand that, I did not get anything useful in return, except for another toy for developers and timlids! Do you understand? This is a very painful, oppressive, unpleasant feeling, and it is impossible to hide it.
Someone, of course, continues to zombie himself - hey, I'm fine! I have a scram! But it is up to the first booze. I went, then, after the seminar, to the bar, hooked up to one - also a eggey who, and what would you think? After two bottles of whiskey, everything fell into place. The same problem, the same uncomprehending look, almost tears, understand? Everyone understands that he bought a cat in a bag, spent the money of the owner, and now he is ashamed to look into his eyes.
And the nastiest thing - no one has enough courage to throw this cat away, to drown it, along with the bag! And these creatures, psychologists are crap, they understand this! Even as they understand! That's why more and more money is being rowed, all the time pushing the horizon away - do not be afraid, hey, everything will be fine! Scrum develops! Does not work? Nothing wrong! Here, try this method! It goes well with Scum! Here, just sign here ... And we are waiting for the prepayment.
- And you, it turns out, have enough courage? - smiled John.
- I have enough common sense. - shrug Bob. - I am the same employee as you. If you healed me, I won’t be able to heal Don, I won’t even try. Not the right person. Too ... Normal. Simple, straightforward. And can count money. Plus - we are not his only business. The rest, as you know, are not related to the IT and the web.
- I see. - John nodded. - So what is the result?
- Do not you understand? - raised his eyebrows Bob.
- Got it, but I want to hear from you. - shrugged John. - And then again I do not understand. Scrum - everything?
- Scrum is dead. For us. - with a serious look said Bob. “I don't want to hear anything more about him.” To the evening there were no boards on the walls.
- How to work? - frowned John.
- Simply. Fine. Work. - chasing every word, said Bob.
- I see. - John nodded. - Everything?
- Everything.
John got up from his chair and walked toward the exit. When he reached the door, he stopped because he heard Bob's voice.
- Think with your head, John.
PS Do you need a continuation?