Dialogue with the Universal Mind

There are just bad things. There are very bad ones. But there are things so bad that in them, in full accordance with the precepts of Taoism and Zen Buddhism, a sacred meaning suddenly cuts out, which “good” things dare not even dream of. The notorious agent Mulder, for example, at times when the investigation was at an impasse, was revising the “worst movie of all time” - “Plan 9 from outer space . ” According to him, the film was so disgusting that it turned off the entire rational part of the brain, activating subconscious processes that could lead to a brilliant influx. :) The

terrible quality of modern machine translation has long been a byword. Even the mighty Google Translatecopes with his duties with a loud creak, not to mention such wonderful products as PROMT . However, what a PROMT ! A certain Bad Translator site makes us fully understand what a truly bad translation is. However, following the first paragraph of the topic, this translation is so terrible that it suddenly acquires philosophical depth and even can become an analogue ... of dialogue with the Universe.

Under the cut, instructions and samples of thoughtful (sometimes really thoughtful) dialogues with the Universal Mind.

The scheme is simple:

• We go to the site ;
• We select in the Google settings ;
• We indicate the maximum (56) number of transformations;
• Check the box "Random Language Order" ;
• We begin a dialogue with the all-knowing and all-forgiving Universal Mind. :) As the answers of the Universe there will be the last in the chain reverse translation into Russian. It is important not to abuse untranslatable slang.

The following are selected (not mine) examples of dialogue with the universe.

Extremely meaningful philosophical dialogue:

Q: I want to talk with you about philosophy. What are your views on the essence of being?
A: I think philosophy. It's not a problem.
Q: ok, but you did not answer my question. Or did you mean that the problem of being should not be discussed in philosophical discussions? But what about the main question of philosophy?
A: The answer to my question. What debate? However, the main question of philosophy, how to do it?
Q: that is, the main task of philosophy is to change the world, rather than explain it?
A: In other words, the role of philosophy - I can not explain. The world has changed, though.
Q: you are a very good conversationalist. Few people believe that philosophy is changing anything.
A: This is a very good player. Some people think that philosophy has not changed.
Q: in some ways they are right. Not regarding the approaches and methods of philosophy - but regarding its tasks. Still, to seek the truth is its main purpose.
A: That means it's true. Methods and concepts are a question. The main purpose of this is truth.
Q: exactly! It was very nice talking to you. Hope to see you again.

Example of a successful online dating:

Q: Will I have a girlfriend during this year?
A: So how is this project?
Q: Yes, for good. So will the girl appear?
A: All rights reserved.
Q: That is, will appear?
A: Of course not.
Q: When will it appear?
A: So what?
Q: I want to have chan (approx. “Girl” in slang)
A: I love elephants.
Q: I'm girls. So when will it appear?
A: I am a woman. So what if you?
Q: How old are you? More than 18?
A: 18
Q: And where are you from? Moscow?
A: Is it Moscow?
Q: Yes, I’m from Moscow
A: Yes, I’m in Moscow
Q: Give me some time
A: Asetshku
Q: Thank you, let's go there now.
A: Thanks for the minute.

The Universal Mind uses the classic excuse in the style of "we are working on it":

Q: Is it possible to know the truth?
A: We want to make this possible.

He is watching us:

Q: God is somewhere far away and does not intervene.
A: God cannot work in the background.

He loves us all:

Q: Do we both have feelings? Can you feel love
A: Anyway? I love you!

Interested in his name?

Q: you are an unusual conversationalist
A: John
Q: very nice, John. did you introduce yourself?
A: Yes, John. So what?

Bad news for those who want to live forever:

Q: How to become immortal?
A: Not.

Bad news for racists:

Q: What is your skin color?
A: Brown.

It is a pity that He did not specify the year:

Q: Tell me the meaning of life
A: I'm going in September

However, not everywhere there is a hidden meaning. As Freud said, “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”:

Q: The mysterious truth about mirrors
A: In fact, glass

A bit about politics:

Q: Why is Putin lying?
A: If Putin is a liar, then why not? (really)

The answer to the question that worries us all:

Q: will we all die next year?
A: It will be next year, right?

Q: when will the world end and in what way will it express its essence
A: World Environment Day (which means we will all die on June 5, 2012!)

However, it is not worth considering that the Universal Mind is the ultimate truth, for:

Q: And you do not deceive me?
A: It is.

Q: I wanted to ask you. Do you know everything? Or not?
A: I heard. Is it true? NOT!

Q: Do you know the truth?
A: We do not know.

By the way, the Universal Reason is not devoid of a sense of humor and is able to show sarcasm on occasion:

Q: I am your house trumpet reeling
A: Happiness

Q: I want to die.
A: I hope you die.

Finally, dialogues without comments, which are worth considering:

Q: Sometimes we leave
A: Never

Q: What is taller than us
A: Music

Q: To become a strong personality, you need to learn to think, or learn to understand?
A: ability to think clearly.

Q: Genocide, extermination, purification - this is the only true future of man
A: Removing crime - The future of human rights

And the last, but not least, question:

Q: who is in power on earth
A: Boyd (here we are of evil and have exposed)