Five tips for learning how to calmly accept feedback at work

Listening to comments is not always easy. You spend time and make great efforts, and then someone destroys all the results of the work with his criticism.

When every result is given in blood and sweat, I try to have less “blood”: I avoid what can be unpleasant, and I try to prevent it. But if we are talking about feedback, it is worth a little patience - in this case, I love the discomfort (well, or try to love).

Don't get it wrong: criticism is never painless. This is anxiety, and fear, and anxiety.

"Will they make me worse?"
“If my code is bad, would they think that I'm not smart enough?”
"Oh no! Now everyone knows that in the seventh grade I failed a history test. ”

Do not worry - such a reaction is completely natural!

According to Kimberly Leitch , a licensed Talkspace Clinical Social Worker, getting feedback causes a stressful reaction - because of a judgment that often comes from someone with authority.

It turns out that if this is the body’s natural response to feedback and criticism, are we doomed? How can such an instinctive reaction be overcome?

I will not embellish the truth and deceive - this is difficult, but possible: faced with an imminent fear of criticism, it is quite possible to maintain complete control over yourself. The following five tips will help put your psychological shield aside and learn how to accept negative and positive comments with open arms.

Translated to Alconost

* Doorbell * "Hello, this is criticism!"

Sometimes you know in advance that there will be feedback - for example, before certification or if you, as it happened, played in a fashionable Broadway performance. Brace yourself! You know what to expect, so you need to mentally prepare.



In other cases, feedback might be unsolicited . In my experience, you should always be prepared to receive feedback: admit that you are imperfect, and that’s fine - because no one is perfect (except for Taco   - because he is amazing).

Boldly - repeat after me: "I am not perfection, but this does not detract from my significance as a person."

Suppose you have learned to be open to comments. But other than that it is very important to have a plant that for criticism are  good intentions. The one who gives feedback is most likely working with you and sincerely trying to help you and the project you are working on. This person sees your potential and probably wants you to be able to reveal it as much as possible!

Sometimes this, of course, is not entirely true, but in most cases the intentions of the person giving the feedback are very good. Therefore, be open to criticism: imagine how a new point of view and perspective can change your work for the better.

Do not rush, cooperate and listen

The initial reaction to the critical remark will most likely be negative: you will feel anxiety, stress, a desire to defend yourself. Do not rush, take a short break, take a deep breath, slow down the initial reaction.

Give yourself a few seconds to comprehend what you hear. It is likely that you will never be able to stop the initial reaction - but you can always try to take control of the actions that you will take in response to it.

When comprehending what you’ve heard, focus on what feedback is being given on, and not on your person. Remember: what you do can always be done better (because no one is perfect). By focusing on the actual work, a negative reaction can be suppressed.

Even if the criticism concerns you (for example, is related to your work on a recent project), try to separate your individual traits and skills from your "I". Accepting feedback will be easier if it concerns a small part of you - and much more difficult if you consider that it is aimed at you in general, at the body, mind and soul as a whole.

It can be difficult to learn, but this skill is definitely worth developing. Before you say or do something after receiving feedback, stop, catch your breath and think about what you just heard - and only after that answer.

Separate your individual traits and skills from your "I". Accepting feedback will be easier if it concerns a small part of you - and much more difficult if you consider that it is aimed at you in general.

Seek understanding

So you are calm. Listen carefully. You can even say, you feel peaceful.

Suppose that in reality everything is not quite so; however, the next step after stopping the initial reaction is understanding. You need to reflect on what has been said and determine in which part you can improve your work. In this case, a good solution would be to take a walk or take a short break and comprehend the comments you heard.

After talking with your boss or colleague, take a moment to consider the feedback you’ve received. If something is not clear - specify: it is always useful. The point is not to dispute the comments received and not to reject them right away - it’s better to ask for a few examples and even some suggestions as to what can be improved.

Sometimes a new, different perspective from yours can be surprisingly useful . Opening up to other points of view on your work, you can get more useful information and find more effective ways to solve problems that will be useful in future projects.

Be thankful

This may seem counterintuitive, but still try to understand what I mean. Having received a critical comment, you might think: this newly-minted Bill Lamberg destroys what I am doing - and I also have to thank for this ?! But let's look at the situation differently.



Someone took the time and got acquainted with your work. Most likely, this is someone from your own department (or at least he is interested in your work being done well). The intentions of this person are good - and you must understand that this is great!

A person spent time pondering how to improve your work. Do not forget: what you do is important to him - they try to help you. Of course, he has a different view of the world, a different perspective from you, but this is exactly what you need in your work - continuous development and feedback.

It will take time to learn to feel gratitude by receiving positive (and negative) comments , but it's worth it: it will be very useful in your work.

Implement comments and make an action plan

Generally speaking, a good point is useless if it is not implemented. Implementation, of course, depends on the duration and volume of work. In most cases, you should include work with feedback in projects and ask to check whether you have correctly implemented the comments received.

In this case, of course, there is no need to try to somehow apply at all everything that they tell you! After all, it is, after all, your job, and your right is to decide what is really useful and what is not.

You can adhere to this rule: drop 10% of the comments without any doubt. But you should have good, reasonable reasons why you do not listen to these tips.

Keep the good, the bad - throw it away

Sometimes the feedback received is useless: perhaps it was just past the target, or its author had nothing good in mind. And just such cases are the most unpleasant.

And to combat this, there are no tricky psychological tricks. But something may help:

1. If possible, ignore such feedback (or criticism).
   
2. Discuss the comments received with the manager - from a professional point of view.
   
3. If you feel that the person who gave the feedback is not really trying to help you - step back, do not let yourself get hurt.
   

Keep your tail with a gun, focus on work. Non-constructive criticism does not help, but only harms, and the sooner it remains in the past, the better you will feel.

How to take feedback without emotions

It is useful to develop a feedback processing plan: it will not be easy anyway, but the process of receiving comments will become less painful. And the cool thing about this is that you will have everything under control! So to summarize:

1. Be open to receiving feedback. Focus on how and what the new perspective can improve on the job.
   
2. Do not respond with a snap - take a few seconds to think over the comments: evaluate them rationally, logically, without unnecessary emotions.
   
3. Try to understand what they want to convey to you - if you are not sure, ask questions. The person who provided the feedback will usually be happy to discuss specific points with you and clarify which proposals are in mind.
   
4. Do not forget about modesty and politeness! Make it clear that you value the time and effort spent by others to help you in your work.
   
5. Constructive criticism cannot fly in one ear and fly out of the other. Listen to the comments, implement them and ask them to check if you did it right.
   

Finally, do not let the ill-wishers (those who criticize unconstructively) put pressure on you. You can do it!

About the translator

Translation of the article was done in Alconost.

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