[Friday] Tale about how IT-sale of firewood tried to sell, or Baxtage of one tender

Oh, just do not tell me that you have never prepared a tender for the customer. Was it? It was? Vooot. Whether you are an engineer, presale or, God forbid, a lawyer. I'm not talking about the sellers and managers of the procurement department ... We all (if we rephrase the classic) wrote a little something and somehow. In general, I remembered my modest experience, folded it with observations of my colleagues and put it in a poetic form. I do not pretend to documentary narration, but it seems that the main thing turned out to be true.


Do you know how it is? Tender! Tender! Half-companies work for him, their plans correlate with him, and then - bang! - either the customer radically changes the request, or the proposal suddenly mysteriously ceases to fit the initial requirements. Not serious! And in general, the fire, if the decision of the manufacturer, promoted by its marketers, never meets the stated characteristics. Pain.

In general, about it. And, of course, in IT.

Poem. Vital. Which is to blame for marketing

(any coincidences are random) The

reed rustled, the trees bent, and the night was dark.
One brave girl wrote a tender ... For firewood.
The customer was very respectable and very busy,
And therefore he could not prepare the competition. Well, not the first time.
An analysis of the market was carried out, the entire range,
Distribution Warehouses, Yandex.Market and even Grandma’s segment werestudied.
Firewood is of different color: pine, birch and alder.
There are boughs, boughs, curves, smooth ... Oh, yes.
The customer was really important: he wanted to buy firewood for a year.
This means that the amount of the bill could cover the entire turnover.
And therefore selflessly, leaving the other things,
Our desperate maid decided to do everything herself.
Having estimated the total budgets and comparing the choice of firewood,
She decided that firewood made of lime hemp fit.
Satisfied with such a decision (price and quality - completely),
She sent a request for proofreading the TZ to the technical service.


The reed rustled, the trees bent, and the night was dark.
The technical service sent a little letter where the comments resulted.
- Tell me, did you write this? Herself? Without the help of specialists?
Well, that explains a lot. Full of all sorts of strange words.
For example. Firewood is simple, the origin is a stump.
Are you sure that the customer is waiting for this from you?
Listen, it is no longer new to sell linden hemp.
Let's get the baobabs better, we will begin to offer the market.
After all, baobabs are in trend. We now have a certificate!
Yesterday we visited the training. We are the pro! Better - baobab.
By the way, did you clarify your goals? Why does the customer need firewood?
To heat a fireplace in your apartment? Or for a country boiler?
In any task there are nuances. But baobab will go everywhere.
Oh, by the way, did you take into account the threat that some of the firewood would suddenly rot?
In your place, we would, of course, put firewood lightly with a reserve.
Reserve baobab - not superfluous. Believe the opinion of specialists.
Let's make your proposal we will increase by two.
The customer will be just happy! Exclusive firewood!


After reading the answer about the baobabs, the woman fell into a light trance.
But they are probably right? Hemp is not in fashion right now ...
And taking into account the recommendations of specialists,
She compiled a task for baobabs. No hemp.

The reed rustled, the trees bent, and the night was dark.
KP already scribbles marvelous, it reduces the price of firewood.
KP goes too capacious, the budget of the customer is bursting.
What to do? You need to get super discounts somehow.
The maiden calls the manufacturer directly home.
He does not answer her for a long time. Saturday. Celebration. Output.
She is persistent beyond measure, from the fifth attempt he takes.
- Well, what have you got to do? Don't wait till Monday?
- Not waiting! I need very urgent! The question is almost a million!
Give a discount! I do not climb into the budget. The project is huge! Straight fire!
- The fire? Yes, this is our topic. Under our clear firewood.
But we have no baobabs. Sorry, my friend, but I have to go.

The reed rustled, the trees bent, and the night was dark.
The story is ours on the call of manufacturers in the morning.
Nobody craves baobabs for her projects to supply:
Either the warehouse is closed, there is no container, or they don’t want to give a discount.
Exhausted completely, poor fellow, calls in purchases: - Help!
- Well, I, of course, will try, but you do not expect miracles from us.


Pass the day. All in disarray, she does not eat, she does not drink
And despite the speeches of buying a big miracle still waiting.
And suddenly the bell! He grabs the phone and hears the main words:
- Found it! Found! But not in Russia. To carry us the goods from abroad.
- Because of the hillock? Yes, no problem! Come on, book, dear!
And check with them about the prices. In what currency there invoice.
- Madame, I have already checked everything. The currency is African rand.
At the rate of the Bank on the day of payment. And on top of a small percentage.

Maiden's eyes are brighter than a lamp! Well, finally, all the way through!
She is preparing for lawyers a contract template with the seller.
The template, alas, was in English, but because she was
busy all day with incomprehensible text, hard, however, like flint.

The reed rustled, the trees bent, and the night was dark.
A lawyer, after reading this long treatise, sent the following words to her:
- Mamzel, let me tell you. I looked at your long text.
Well, in general, everything is all right, but at the same time, as if not.
For example, here the comma should stand according to the rules.
And not her! Well, how can you? It's a shame, huh? Well, what to say ...
I do not know, right ... Nevertheless, I must say. Point two or three.
Here the supplier hints to us, only we are responsible for everything.
And the risks are all behind the cut down of trees and the cutting of firewood lie on us.
Like, if suddenly they are caught there, then we pay a huge fine.
And if somewhere along the way, the firewood will disappear,
then the supplier will not incur liability for this incident.
Of course, we will insure the goods. Well, in a sense, we can insure.
However, we should discuss this moment separately.
Yes, by the way, here is the prepayment: one hundred percent in advance.
And if anything, I doubt that the supplier will return them to us.
I understand how important it is for us to put baobab into the project.
But you think. I hope I helped you. I would be glad ...


If all this had been brewed at least somewhere in September,
our Maiden would certainly listen to her own destiny ...
But it was November. On the verge of Christmas time already.
Our customer poured budgets. Well, including for firewood.
And therefore this girl, ignoring the fate, the
Contract sent for signature. To general Yes, samomuuuuu!

- Tell me, sweet creature, who agreed it all?
It seems to me that even the tender for the baobab did not start.
- You understand, I have not yet passed the competition.
But I found how to win it. So that our he was for sure!
I replaced baobab with all the annoying hemp.
I am sure that competitors will offer something from alder.
In the conditions of the tender, I write that wood for firewood
Must be decent exposure - perhaps a century, or even two.
And let the delivery time - a week. I'll be at this time.
We will order baobab earlier. I'll deal with this for sure.
- Will you figure it out? Not sure. But alright. The risks are all on you.
Leave a contract. I will look. Come back later, not now.

The reed rustled, the trees bent, and the night was dark.
Our girl got tired: almost a week did not sleep.
And suddenly the bell. The purchasing department came with a sad news to her:
- You treat, you brave, stand firmly to the sad news of mine.
Since the baobab is new, there are no precedents for importing, a
special document is needed for baobabs for customs.
The problem is not in the papers themselves, but in the fact that I could not understand
what the content is necessary for the FCS to accept them.
They themselves, in general, can not even really explain.
But they say that without documents we will not be able to miss the goods.
There we are talking about permissions, either the FSB, or the FSO ...
Yes, with this atsky baobab we obviously have not been lucky ...


Our hands are shaking our virgin, the left eye is also trembling.
- Well, your division ... here's the yk ... But why did everything fall on us ?!
Calmly We will solve problems one by one.
Say, did we have ties in some power service?
Get in touch with them, think about it, but clarify: what, how, how much ...
Tell me, we will send them to them for our courier's permission.

The purchasing department agreed. Out contacts raise.
And the maiden sat down at her computer KP again to write.
Long past midnight has passed, and the morning is slowly coming ...
In the silence of an empty office, an obsessive bell is rattling.
- Well, who else? Who can not sleep? What would you like? How can I help you?
- And this is the customer calling you. Sorry to disturb the night.
Look ... there is such a thing ...
we conferred to the entire department
and suddenly thought yesterday:
Or maybe we don’t
need firewood , but service? Heating area.
Like a cloud. Heard, come on?
And there swamp even baobab, even though a Christmas tree, even forest grass.
We, frankly, do not care.
We are the main thing that was warm.

The girl here almost howled.

But to argue with the one who pays the money will not be the one who takes them.
Therefore, our maiden took only a pause. And waiting.
As soon as Gendir appeared in the morning, she runs to him.
To talk about the conversation, and at the same time ask how to live.
- Well, dear angel, I am sad. Disappointed, so to speak.
Sale of firewood will definitely give us more benefits.
As a service, we do not warmly pull. We really do not have the resources.
Go, baby, convince. I believe in your authority.


She tried as best she could. And convinced, as she could.
All the arguments for baobabs she, of course, led.
And about control, and about transparency, about what is easier to manage.
And also the fact that you can take firewood from nature for free.
The customer objected to her for a long time, in the end not being able to withstand the pressure,
He gave up. Is anyone against a lady capable of arguing?

And the tender is still canceled, because Google says,
That baobab wood, alas, unfortunately, does not burn.

Well, what to say? I do not know, right. Of course, it was not so.
Hemp, firewood and baobabs are not affected - this is a fact.
I confess that marketers are to blame for everything - what to lie? -
With which they put KPiAyi to sell at anything.
Is a niche free? There you are! Though baobab, even eucalyptus.
What a matter for them, godless, it burns or does not burn ...

The reed rustled, the trees bent, and the dark night was ...
One brave maiden wrote a tender .... As always.

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