Corporate fruit

    - I beg your attention, colleagues. - Director knocked a pencil on the table. - We have an interesting event.

    Not immediately, but silence was established. The commercial director and the chief engineer continued to whisper about something in a whisper, sometimes chuckling, but, noticing the director’s stern look, subsided.

    - We are gathered for a cross-interview. - continued the director. “And here we have a very interesting copy.” Applies for the position of director of information technology. But here's a summary ...

    - Hmm. - HR smiled. - A very strange subject. I suspect it will be something ... Although I think we will not take it to work.

    - Why? - asked commercial.

    - Now you will see. He claims that he can be some kind of programmer, or ... - HR picked up a piece of paper from the table, ran over her eyes. - Yes, here ... Engineering methods to improve business efficiency. Including profit.

    - Where does this miracle come from? - commercial smiled in surprise.

    - From the village of some ... - HR looked at the paper again. - Written - Barrow. Where is it?

    - Where wolves are afraid to shit. - picked up the general mood of the chief engineer. - I've been there in practice. He barely survived, in the nineties it was ...

    - Well, what do we call? - interrupted the director.

    Suddenly, knocking knocked on the door of the meeting room and right there, without waiting for the invitation, Sergey entered. For some reason, in a down jacket and a hat.

    - This is guys. - He said apologetically. “Sorry to bother you, I changed my mind.” Your company does not suit me. Goodbye.

    Smiles from their faces immediately disappeared. Sergey decided to take advantage of the general confusion, and leaned back into the corridor.

    - Wait! - screamed HR. - Uh-uh ...

    - Sergey. - prompted Sergey.

    - Yes, Sergey! Do not leave!

    Sergey stayed for a couple of seconds, sighed heavily and returned to the meeting room, but the door did not close.

    - Why change your mind? The director asked, frowning. - Too difficult tasks?

    - What? No-eee ... - Sergey shook his head gaily. - Fruit hanging too low. Yesterday, I still doubted, but, having murmured for half an hour in your office, I finally became convinced of this.

    - What, I'm sorry, do we hang low? - grinned commercial.

    - Fruits.

    - Is this some kind of humor kurgan?

    - What? And, Kurgan ... No, this is Business Youth.

    - What? - raised his eyebrows commercial.

    - This is a company that conducts trainings. - answered HR. - Popular, though not very deep.

    - Well, this depth is for you ... Enough is enough. - Sergey said softly.

    - What? - stretched commercial. - You ohrenel, or what? Do you know who you are talking to?

    “One, two, three,” Sergey began to count the people, pointing a finger at everyone. - Four people and one deer. Or elk? I honestly do not really understand.

    “Oh, you ...” the commercial jumped up from his chair.

    - Quiet! - loudly hit the table with his hand director. - What are you like kids?

    - Yes, he is ... - shouted commercial.

    - Sit down, I said! I also did not have enough fights here! Sergey, this is all, of course, very interesting, but do not you think that this is not being done?

    - Are you talking about?

    - About your statement that our company does not suit you.

    - So I apologized. I already took enough time from you, did not want to aggravate.

    - Yes, I did not want to aggravate. - smiled the director. - Now, you certainly do not get into our company, with such ... With this form of communication.

    - Okay. - Sergey shrugged his shoulders and again went to the door.

    - Yes, wait, you are! - shouted the director. - Are you late on the plane?

    - No, the plane at night.

    - Well, can you talk to us a little? All the same, gathered ... What fruit did you talk about?

    - Hold the nuthouse? - Sergey showed a finger on the commercial. - And then you

    never know ... - Do not worry. - answered the director. - But it is better, of course, to choose expressions.

    - So I chose. Gently because - deer, elk ... Do not shit the same piece.

    - Sergey, fruit.

    - Yes. Can I get undressed? It's hot.

    - Yes of course. - the director gestured at the hanger, which was in the corner of the meeting room.

    Sergey threw off his down jacket, put his hat in his pocket, hung it all on a hanger and sat down at the table.

    - There is such a term - low-hanging fruit of efficiency. He began, looking at the director. - I don’t know who invented it, whether it’s scientific or not, which method it corresponds to. I heard about him from the video of the very Business Youth.

    - What is this something? - impatiently asked the director.

    “This is ... Well, can you imagine a tree with fruit?” An apple tree, for example.

    The director nodded dryly.

    - Here you go. You approach him to tear an apple. And the apple tree is - eat my apple ...

    - Moron. - came from the commercial side, but the director gave him a stern look.

    “There are apples hanging high, you have to climb a tree behind them.” There are those that hang low - you can get it by hand. What will you choose?

    - The answer is obvious. - without hesitation, said the director.

    - Well, everything is clear with apples. And in business - the opposite. Nobody cares what is at hand, what can be taken and improved, having received a small and sometimes significant profit. If we are talking about changes, then they come up with some ambitious plans, projects of the year, consultants are called, millions are given to climb a tree and make sure that there are no better than low-hanging apples. Although it was enough to lend a hand.

    - The metaphor is clear. - the director nodded. - But you said that we have such fruits. What is it about?

    “How about fifty million a year?” - Seriously asked Sergey.

    - What? - the director rounded his eyes. - You ... Stop, you do not want to work with us?

    - Well yes. Wait a minute, and where am I?

    - Do you voice your salary requirements?

    - Oh, there you are about what ... No, I told you the price of the fruit. How much can you save.

    - Fifty million a year? Rub? - in the tone of the director mixed doubt and ridicule.

    - Well.

    - Is that in order of delirium ... Tell me, what kind of fruit.

    - Yes, he sits there, waving his horns. - Sergey nodded his head at a commercial one.

    - And where are there fifty million? - smiled the director. - We, of course, in Moscow, but we do not have such salaries.

    - Come on. I'm not talking about his deer salary, but about his managers. - saying the word "manager", Sergey made quotes with his fingers. - Expel twenty to thirty people, save fifty million, without loss in sales.

    - And who will sell, what about you? - responded commercial.

    - You, gentleman from the forest, do not confuse the concepts of “sell”, “ship” and “arrange”? - Sergey turned to the commercial. - Here you have manager Kolya there. Is there such?

    - You do not care, collective farmer.

    - Sergey, wait ... - the director replied. - Nikolai - your friend?

    - Well yes. - Sergei had to turn back to the director, once the dialogue with the commercial failed. - It's half an hour already.

    - Explain? The director asked politely but impatiently.

    - What is there to explain ... - Sergei shrugged. “A nice young girl sits in the waiting room, an office manager, or whatever your name is in Moscow ... She told me that it would take half an hour to wait.” I asked where is your toilet here, she explained, I left and looked into the sales department.

    - In which? - the director asked.

    - In both.

    - We have three of them.

    - Ah, well, then the fruit may be even tastier. So, I went in, said that I was a new programmer, and they sent me to gather requirements and acquaintance. They told me everything. Especially Kolya tried.

    - What did he tell you?

    - About automation - nothing particularly interesting. But about his work told enough. He sits on the same customer, the retailer, to whom you make packages. In huge quantities. Same packages, every month, upon request.

    - Well, what's wrong? - impatiently asked the director.

    - And do not you guess? - Sergey raised his eyebrows in surprise. - The client is already yours. Found, persuaded, dragged him, probably not Kohl. So?

    “Well ...” the director hesitated. - Generally yes. Nikolay is an escort manager. He, and others like him, are not looking for clients, but how is it ... Well, yes, they accompany current ones.

    - And you pay him a sickly percentage for that, right? - Sergey asked.

    - Not to say that it is not sickly ... But in general, yes, we pay.

    - Kolya's salary, Kolya's percentage ... And for what?

    - I said, for escort.

    - It sounds beautiful, but what is it - accompaniment? What do you think?

    - Sergey, speak directly, we do not have an exam. - the director began to lose patience from the unusual situation.

    - Yes, soryan ... - Sergey was confused. - In fact, Kohl is not engaged in any accompaniment. He simply receives a letter from the customer’s supplier, sends it to the girl by name ... Damn, I forgot. There is a girl sitting there, a blonde who arranges an order and shipping documents in the system. Everything, on this work Kolya finished.

    - So you say that Nikolai is an extra link?

    - Yeah. - Sergey nodded. - Actually, the nameless girl is not needed. Your client. He works with you not because Kohl is sitting on the end of the wire. He is quite possibly displeased with Kolya. But I am satisfied with the quality, terms, cost and, in general, the conditions of work with you. Therefore buys from you. And you think that this is Kolya’s merit.

    “Somehow ...” the director thought. - I don’t know, to be honest ... We have always been like that ...

    - And it was always successful! - responded commercial. - Do not touch what works!

    - Are you a programmer, or what? - Sergey smiled and turned to the commercial. - That they do not like to touch what works. And you, like, commercial. And we have no peace, burn, but live ...

    - They forgot to ask you! - commercial switched to scream. - Fuck we listen to him? What kind of garbage at all? Sales are going, customers are satisfied, there is growth, zero problems, why poke around in the little things?

    - Problems zero? - the director asked in surprise. - Are you serious?

    - Yes, there are problems everywhere, this is normal! - as if nothing had happened, the commercial continued. - But our real problems are not at all in Nikolay or Ksyusha!

    - Where are your real problems? - Sergey asked with a smile. - At the top of the apple tree? Foreign markets? New products? Implementing a CRM system for a couple of millions? Are there solutions to your problems? And snot under the nose - not the problem? Unblown ass - not a problem to be solved now? Hole in the pocket, from which the money falls out - no, wait?

    - Sergei. - the director stopped the hot speech. - Well, let's say, Nikolai can be ... Well, either replaced, or cut, or transplanted to another job. You talked about fifty millions.

    - So Kohl is just one of the examples. Add Ksyusha, another two dozen of the same managers who sit on one or two clients already mastered, a dozen or one and a half girls sitting nearby for paperwork, taxes, jobs, and the salary of intermediate managers, and get those fifty million a year.

    The director was silent and stared at Sergey. Then he leaned back in his chair, looked away at the window, and thought. His lips silently muttered something, as if he carried out calculations in his head.

    “Actually,” HR suddenly said. - There is some sense in this ... I analyzed the motivation system, calculated the influence factors of each position on the result, and came to similar conclusions.

    - Why did not you say? - turned to her director.

    - Well, it was not so long ago, I wanted to make sure first, and only then ...

    - Then, that is, never? - smiled the director.

    HR lowered her eyes and reddened slightly.

    - Not really, it's time to drive him out! - suddenly said the chief engineer loudly.

    - Who exactly? - the director asked.

    - Yes, Nicholas this! Totally pointless character! He only knows that he has to run around production and, as he calls it, “clarify”. When his order starts to work, when flex, when lamination, when films come, when, when that. He sticks to the guys in the shop, asks for advancement of his order, caulk all the brains.

    - So. - stopped his director. - Enough about Kohl. What do you think?

    The question was intended commercial.

    - I think it is necessary to drive into the neck of this scum. - Commercial pointed to Sergey. - There is nothing easier than to come here and stir up. Condemn, violate the foundations, blame, expose! Crap on vegetable oil! Not so business is done, not in this case, not in such trifles!

    - Wait a minute. - raised director palm. - Fifty million a year for you - a trifle?

    - Regarding our sales - yes! - blurted out a commercial one.

    - What about our profits?

    Commercial did not answer. Just sat and breathed deeply. What was missing was a pair of nostrils.
    “Notice, my fifty million a year.” - shook his finger director. - Someone considers his life to be successful by creating a business with such annual profit. And here we argue whether it is a lot or a little. For you, these are just numbers, and for me, real money. My money, understand?

    “They have to count there ...” the commercial tried to answer.

    - What to count? Well, you count, and what? It turns out not fifty, but twenty, and so what? Or even ten ... Yes, with this money you can buy several new machines!

    - Yes, the machines would not have prevented ... - said the chief engineer, talking as if to himself.

    - What? What kind? - Sergey asked him.

    - Yes, I have a list. - the chief engineer began to rummage through his pockets. - Here, I always carry with me.

    On the table lay a piece of A4 paper, written in obscure names in English.

    - Is that the list you sent me? - the director squinted, trying to make out the list.

    - Yeah, about ten times. - the chief engineer replied sadly. - And every time you answered that there was no money.

    - Well, now there is no reason to refuse you. - Sergey smiled. “We’ve almost picked the fruit already.” Determine the priorities, based on the current constraints, and buy you a pair of machines.

    - Based on what?

    - Out of limitation. Well, where do you have a bottleneck there?

    - Where are we?

    - Bottleneck. Key constraint. Where are the most orders in the queue worth?

    - On the flex, where else.

    - What is it?

    - Flex machine. The machine that causes the drawing on the film. Large printer, roughly speaking.

    - Well, embroider him. Manage the queue to not idle. Reduce set-up time. And better - add another flex machine. Everything, like grandfather Eliyahu bequeathed.

    - Who?

    - Damn, yes you. - with annoyance, Sergey waved his hand. - I'll go, will you?

    - Where? - the director was surprised for some reason.

    - How where? I will go to the airport. In the children's world I jump, children buy gifts. I told you about the fruit. I do not want to work for you. What else?

    - By the way, why don't you want to work with us?

    - What for? You do not have a plowed field for efficiency. But everything is so simple that it's boring. When he was young, he loved such projects, but now he was tired. Need an interesting case, not fatty cream. What I know, I told you. Further you will understand. Only the CIO, whom you hire, do not forget to say about the order-taking system, which is integrated through web requests into the suppliers ’IIS.

    - What? - the director asked. - What are you about?

    - Well, when Kolyan and his friends are expelled, someone has to take orders? You need a simple system that takes orders from customers. Their systems are heterogeneous, so it’s easiest to do it through web requests. There are few items, orders too. They send you a request with the order, you - the answer with prices and delivery times. Well and everything, further as usual.

    - So, write it down quickly. - the director turned to HR.

    “I didn’t understand anything ...” she was surprised, but she took a pen and tried to write something on a piece of paper.

    - I'll repeat. - Sergey sighed and dictated his proposal again.

    - So let me leave. - Sergey got up and went to the hanger.

    - Wait! - suddenly shouted the chief engineer. - Do not leave! I understood what you were talking about! This is the theory of constraints, Goldratt! I read his book!

    - Perfectly! - Sergey answered in the same tone. - Then you know what to do!

    And he began to wear a jacket.

    “Sergey ...” said the director. - Maybe stay for another hour? Look, I do not know ... Production?

    Sergey froze with one sleeve on and sighed heavily again.

    - Do you have food here? - he asked.

    - Of course! - jumped the chief engineer. - We have a wonderful dining room! Come on!

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