How to talk with assholes. 7 strategies for communicating with inappropriate people



Inadequate people are everywhere. There are so many of them that some of them are your colleagues, friends, or even you. In dealing with inadequate people, logical arguments are inferior to knowledge of the psychology and motives of the interlocutor. Emotional conversations end in no way because someone behaves inappropriately, but because we are not aware of effective methods of communication in critical situations. The book “How to work with assholes” gives at least 7 of these strategies.

Who will we call a psycho


In the book “How to Talk with Asshole”, the author gives the concept of “psycho” not as a diagnosis, but as a temporary condition, at which moment a person behaves inappropriately. It can be your colleague, friend or even a personal partner. Sometimes we behave in a similar way.

Psycho goals


Crazy seeks disagreement in the dispute. He speaks sharply, confidently and thereby confuses us, despite the fact that his arguments may be erroneous. Only after a conversation do we understand this. But it happens that we understand the fallacy of the interlocutor’s arguments, but we don’t know how to say this correctly. We use template techniques that only exacerbate the situation and allow an inadequate person to achieve their goal. The result is a broken relationship and suspense.

Ways to communicate with psychos


The author of the book writes a lot about understanding the psychology of an inadequate person, but in this article I will share only practical strategies for communicating with such people.

So, 7 strategies for communicating with inappropriate people:

What to do if you are sent


"Go away!" or “I don't want to see you anymore!” - we can hear both at work and in personal life. The instinctive answer is to slam the door and leave. It happens that we really are not to blame for anything, and an avalanche of criticism falls upon us. We take these words seriously, although this is not worth it. When a person is excessively emotional, rude expressions unknowingly fly off his lips randomly. If you want to aggravate the situation, start arguing with him or leave, but if you are interested in turning the skirmish into a conversation, ask a simple question:

“Do you really hate me so or are you simply disappointed with what I did?”.

These words will help you and your interlocutor to understand the true intentions. In most cases, the interlocutor admits that the matter is not in you, but in a situation that upset him very much.

What if you are wrong


Errors are different. It doesn’t matter if it’s a career or personal life, justifying and asking for forgiveness is almost pointless. There is a high probability of hearing that no one needs your apology or something worse. If you are really wrong, sincerely admit your guilt and say:

“What do you want me to do?”

What to do if you do not know what to do


If in the present you have already ruined everything, the only way to rectify the situation is to transfer the conversation to the future. Say:

“If I say something or do it, things will only get worse. How to do it right? ”
“It upset you. How do you want me to do this in the future? ”


What to do if someone is hysterical and says that everything is very bad


Periodically, we see how upset people are, they say that everything is terrible and have no idea what to do next. Instinct correctly suggests that you need to calm a person and we often say "Everything will be fine" or "Calm down." But these words do not work, because they affect the problem only superficially and avoid the feelings of the interlocutor. To cope with this situation, use an algorithm of three steps:

1. Understand the interlocutor. Listen carefully and let me speak out.
2. Analyze the facts. Talk, ask a few questions: “Let's figure it out ...”, “What is the likelihood that everything will end good / bad?”, “Was there a similar situation? If so, how did you manage it? ”
3. Move the conversation to the future. Ask: “What will we do now?”

What to do if your interlocutor has a high opinion of himself


Know-it-alls are annoying. They sprinkle with terms, express superficial friendliness and are fixated only on personal goals. Sometimes these people are really smart. Putting such a person in place is not easy. To deal with the situation, say the following:

“You are smart and your results are respected. Just do not, with your arrogance, stop people from noticing your gift. ”

How to respond to sarcasm


An example of a typical dialogue:
- How are you?
“Just like five minutes ago.”


In such conversations, it is important to catch sarcasm. Very often we are offended and leave, although there is a great way to cope with the situation. Take a quiet break and politely continue:

- I understand
- What?
“You want me to keep up with you and leave you alone
[or“ so I can get out of your life ”,“ that I don't deserve this ”] The

interlocutor will be taken aback, because you read his mind. He himself will be ashamed and most likely the dialogue will become calmer.

What to do if you are being manipulated


From time to time we meet people who need something from you. They show fake courtesy and try to make you accept their point of view or do something beneficial to them. To get rid of an obsessive interlocutor, just tell him:

“I know what you're hiding.”

Every sociopath is hiding something, so you will not be mistaken in any case.

Instead of a conclusion


“Personal happiness is highly dependent on how you perceive and react to events and those around you.”

Remember that.

Learn to negotiate, filter your environment and be yourself. And do not try to change yourself. Try to make yourself better.

Explanatory Communication Books


- “How to Talk with Assholes,” Mark Goulston
- “Never Eat Alone,” Kate Ferrazzi and Tal Rez
- Turning on the Charm of the Special Services Technique
, Jack Schafer and Marvin Carlins - “Secrets of Great Speakers,” James Humes
- “ Key negotiations ”, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Granny and Ron Macmillan (in the process of reading, but already like it)

Several book reviews:
- 30 sensible books on business, self-development and creativity that changed my life
- 5 best books of a young entrepreneur + 1 advice
- 5 books to help think outside the box and why it is important right now

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