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I apologize in advance if I somehow take your time, dear readers. Perhaps this text is just emotions. Perhaps a request for help - I'm missing something.

Such a time

I wanted to clarify, I feel that someone could already come across this. My mind is going through such a strange time - demonstrative activity is unnatural for it. It would seem nothing special, but I can not get myself to program useless garbage. I can not do something that is a step back. That is, I can do it, there are witnesses. But now is the time - everything, I can’t take it anymore.

I do not understand the meaning of algorithmic tests these days, when all applicable algorithms are written. Although I once competed for speed with a friend in a similar task, it was fun and easy, I was faster. Nevertheless, the possibility of receiving money for tasks from people who give such tests is completely unattractive to me. My mind regards this as degradation, entropy and simple idiocy, and refuses to promote my stomach, although they are interdependent. And the stomach is empty, there is no money at all. Some kind of madness.

It's not just about the tests. I, apparently, are not competitive in the labor market. Maybe I do too long. Maybe in vain I immediately write optimized code, instead of using ready-made solutions. Maybe I should not do programming at all? I am interested in exploring, I am interested in doing only what no one else has done. I went to this for several years and tried a lot. Now, it seems to me, it makes no difference in which language and on which platform to work - I’m even more interested if this is something new. "Long and expensive."

Work is not a wolf

My last employers, without a twinge of conscience, seem to have used my frenzied perfectionism and pathological honesty. By the way, for some reason, their projects were underelicted, although I overfulfilled my task. It turned out that I worked several times longer than the agreed period and received less than the agreed amount. “Is this a business”?

If commodity-money relations between people are only confirmation that they cannot honestly interact with each other, then how will I earn money by working for someone dishonest? Now I work for myself, I promise myself a percentage of the profit.

20 years of mind training

I have been programming since seven years. Dad soldered me the ZX Spectrum and dictated the codes of programs from the Radio Amateur magazine to me. I was very fond of programming music in BEEPs and inventing mathematical algorithms for strange patterns. I “cracked” the games and wrote mine. All this was a magical game. Now something is wrong, such a time. Nobody wants me to evolve?

A fairly substantial period was spent by me and many others in intensive practice. We practiced yoga code if you like. We have discovered Zen more than once. We delved into a huge number of aspects of business processes very deeply. People who pay us money often seem to miss a lot of details, including one obvious thought - we, however, understand better. That's it: we began to understand the contracts when we wrote document management systems. In taxes, when billing was refactored. With micropayments, statistics, and generally with all the processes that we had to automate. At this moment, we have a dilemma: to do something of our own, applying our knowledge or to continue the battle on the front of applied programming. Obviously, the second is much more interesting, but the first is more profitable.

It turns out, I question the fact of the existence of the need for monetary profit by one fact. After all, I am pathologically honest, I do not seem to cope with the need to not disclose profits to hired employees. Yes, and the only profit that interests my overtrained brain is intellectual. Intelligent investments are definitely more expensive than any money and food. That is why sometimes you can not eat, even if there is food, but not program if you have an idea - it is impossible.

I don’t even know what kind of request the community should form for me. What is the oracle to ask for? To have more honest people with money next to me?

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