Non-fucking furniture
Source:
Copywriter’s blog. Copywriter Shnyrin dejectedly looked at the statement of work: “We need text on the main page www.ofisplankton.ru . Firm "Ofisplankton". It is necessary to convince the reader that our furniture is the best in its class and encourage to make a purchase. Keywords: office furniture, office furniture, buy office furniture in Karmageddonsk, cheap office furniture. The density of all keys is 5%. 1000 - 1500 characters. "
Shnyrin thought ... What does he know about density? It seems that the school went ... Density is equal to the mass divided by volume. He looked sadly at the mirrored cabinet door and noticed that its volume and mass had increased significantly since he wrote off answers from Chukryzhkina during the physics control. “What is Natasha doing now?” Thought Shnyrin, scratching his belly. Thoughts carried the copywriter farther into the past.
He recalled how for the first time he pulled Chukryzhkin by his red weighty braid, and how he received in response a no less weighty slap in the face; how he carried two briefcases, escorting a chosen one to the entrance; how at the graduation party she gave him the first kiss, from which it was hot and wet in the armpits.
A hand scratched his stomach and sank lower, taking advantage of the lack of a host in real time. The intense flow of blood to the groin made Shnyrin return to reality. “So, stop! We must think about the order! He thought with annoyance. “What do I know about office furniture?”
The diffused look of the copywriter wandered around the room, lingering on objects of a given subject. Here is a creaky bed, in the corner a folding bed is gathering dust for some unexpected guest, here is a sliding wardrobe - the only worthy representative of furniture in his sparsely furnished living room. Here, hardly suitable for comfortable work, is a table with frozen coffee stains and cigarette burns. A wheeled chair squeaked under the fifth point, which was written off from the editorial office of a local newspaper many years ago. The furnishings of the bedroom-study-room excluded any possibility of drawing text from life.
"All the better! After all, I am Central Asia - a potential buyer! ”- inspired Shnyrin. Rubbing his hands, he moved to the table; right-clicked, created a new file and proceeded:
“Elegant design, unrivaled ergonomics, practicality in every line, reliability in every detail. This is not a new concept from Ferrari, this is office furniture from Officeplankton! It is possible to buy office furniture in Karmageddonsk without overpaying only in our company. Call 323-323-323 right now to catch the autumn sale! "Cheap office furniture" does not mean yet - "worthless office furniture." We do not sell horseradish! We sell non-fucking office furniture in Karmageddons. ”
Satisfied with the entry, Shnyrin sipped long-cooled tea from a long-unwashed mug and wanted to continue, but a crunch in his neck and a sharp pain in his lower back made him curl for several moments. "Oh shit! It’s time to buy normal furniture for work! ”Exclaimed the copywriter.
"Twisted your back?" Has your neck been reduced? The tailbone is burning and the joints are crunching? Stop torturing yourself! Come to Officeplankton and buy new cheap office furniture! No strength to reach? Call now, order office furniture with home delivery and get 20 minutes of free massage! For buyers - charming masseuses. For shoppers - muscular masseurs. ”
Shnyrin’s fantasy was in full swing. He already imagined sitting in a comfortable chair, and a sexy girl is standing behind and kneading his neck with soft warm hands.
“But that is not all! Buying office furniture at Ofisplankton, you get as a gift the latest development of our engineers - an electric vibro bedding for a chair! From now on, your buttocks will not numb, and hemorrhoids will never knock on the back door! Hurry, call, come and buy office furniture that creates the perfect working atmosphere.
“Officeplankton” is perhaps the best choice of office furniture in Karmageddons! ”
“ Uff! - Exhaled Shnyrin, brushing sweat from his forehead. “Sour work.” He sent the file by e-mail and decided to go out on the balcony for a smoke. A sudden click in his lower back caused him to collapse into a chair.
Belching out curses and groans, the copywriter reached the telephone in a half-bent state and dialed a freshly learned telephone. "Hello! Ofisplankton? Bring me the best, cheapest chair, bedding and masseuse! .. Yes, yes! This is urgent! Ogilvivskaya 8, apartment 5! ”- Shnyrin was already squealing the last words with a girlish voice.
Twenty minutes later, the front door shook from heavy blows. The writer crawled to the doorstep and sniffed shutters with difficulty.
On the landing stood a hefty unshaven manger in overalls:
“What, furniture, bedding and massage were ordered?”
In one hand he held a massive wooden stool, in the other a terry towel.
By Kopernik 11/02/2007
Copywriter’s blog. Copywriter Shnyrin dejectedly looked at the statement of work: “We need text on the main page www.ofisplankton.ru . Firm "Ofisplankton". It is necessary to convince the reader that our furniture is the best in its class and encourage to make a purchase. Keywords: office furniture, office furniture, buy office furniture in Karmageddonsk, cheap office furniture. The density of all keys is 5%. 1000 - 1500 characters. "
Shnyrin thought ... What does he know about density? It seems that the school went ... Density is equal to the mass divided by volume. He looked sadly at the mirrored cabinet door and noticed that its volume and mass had increased significantly since he wrote off answers from Chukryzhkina during the physics control. “What is Natasha doing now?” Thought Shnyrin, scratching his belly. Thoughts carried the copywriter farther into the past.
He recalled how for the first time he pulled Chukryzhkin by his red weighty braid, and how he received in response a no less weighty slap in the face; how he carried two briefcases, escorting a chosen one to the entrance; how at the graduation party she gave him the first kiss, from which it was hot and wet in the armpits.
A hand scratched his stomach and sank lower, taking advantage of the lack of a host in real time. The intense flow of blood to the groin made Shnyrin return to reality. “So, stop! We must think about the order! He thought with annoyance. “What do I know about office furniture?”
The diffused look of the copywriter wandered around the room, lingering on objects of a given subject. Here is a creaky bed, in the corner a folding bed is gathering dust for some unexpected guest, here is a sliding wardrobe - the only worthy representative of furniture in his sparsely furnished living room. Here, hardly suitable for comfortable work, is a table with frozen coffee stains and cigarette burns. A wheeled chair squeaked under the fifth point, which was written off from the editorial office of a local newspaper many years ago. The furnishings of the bedroom-study-room excluded any possibility of drawing text from life.
"All the better! After all, I am Central Asia - a potential buyer! ”- inspired Shnyrin. Rubbing his hands, he moved to the table; right-clicked, created a new file and proceeded:
“Elegant design, unrivaled ergonomics, practicality in every line, reliability in every detail. This is not a new concept from Ferrari, this is office furniture from Officeplankton! It is possible to buy office furniture in Karmageddonsk without overpaying only in our company. Call 323-323-323 right now to catch the autumn sale! "Cheap office furniture" does not mean yet - "worthless office furniture." We do not sell horseradish! We sell non-fucking office furniture in Karmageddons. ”
Satisfied with the entry, Shnyrin sipped long-cooled tea from a long-unwashed mug and wanted to continue, but a crunch in his neck and a sharp pain in his lower back made him curl for several moments. "Oh shit! It’s time to buy normal furniture for work! ”Exclaimed the copywriter.
"Twisted your back?" Has your neck been reduced? The tailbone is burning and the joints are crunching? Stop torturing yourself! Come to Officeplankton and buy new cheap office furniture! No strength to reach? Call now, order office furniture with home delivery and get 20 minutes of free massage! For buyers - charming masseuses. For shoppers - muscular masseurs. ”
Shnyrin’s fantasy was in full swing. He already imagined sitting in a comfortable chair, and a sexy girl is standing behind and kneading his neck with soft warm hands.
“But that is not all! Buying office furniture at Ofisplankton, you get as a gift the latest development of our engineers - an electric vibro bedding for a chair! From now on, your buttocks will not numb, and hemorrhoids will never knock on the back door! Hurry, call, come and buy office furniture that creates the perfect working atmosphere.
“Officeplankton” is perhaps the best choice of office furniture in Karmageddons! ”
“ Uff! - Exhaled Shnyrin, brushing sweat from his forehead. “Sour work.” He sent the file by e-mail and decided to go out on the balcony for a smoke. A sudden click in his lower back caused him to collapse into a chair.
Belching out curses and groans, the copywriter reached the telephone in a half-bent state and dialed a freshly learned telephone. "Hello! Ofisplankton? Bring me the best, cheapest chair, bedding and masseuse! .. Yes, yes! This is urgent! Ogilvivskaya 8, apartment 5! ”- Shnyrin was already squealing the last words with a girlish voice.
Twenty minutes later, the front door shook from heavy blows. The writer crawled to the doorstep and sniffed shutters with difficulty.
On the landing stood a hefty unshaven manger in overalls:
“What, furniture, bedding and massage were ordered?”
In one hand he held a massive wooden stool, in the other a terry towel.
By Kopernik 11/02/2007