Superman vs Programmer

Based on real events.

September turned out to be rather vile. As soon as the trill of the first calls subsided, the rains were charged, the March winds came from somewhere, and the temperature in Celsius could fit in one category.

The young man carefully went around the puddles, trying not to stain elegant black shoes. Behind him was another one that looked like two drops of water - an unremarkable gray jacket, classic jeans, a thin face and an uncovered head with a shock of blond hair fluttering in the wind.

The first went to the intercom and pressed a button. After a short electronic trill, a raspy voice sounded.

- For whom? Asked the intercom.

- For Northwind! - shouted the guy, believing that because of the wind he would be hard to hear.

- What? Who did they come for? - a clear annoyance was heard in the voice.

- For Northwind! The guy shouted even louder.

- Be quiet. - said the second with a smile. - They have a fig pipe there, they won’t hear it.

“For Borey, I for Borey.” Boris The first one repeated in a calm voice, and smiled politely, looking at the second. - Thanks!

The intercom made an inviting sound, the magnet on the door snapped pleasantly, and the comrades in misfortune entered the building of the kindergarten. There was a locker room inside - almost all groups in this institution had separate entrances.

- Dad! - there was a cry from around the corner of the locker room. - My dad has come!

Immediately, a happy little boy jumped out to meet the disguised men and rushed to hug the first.

- Wait, Borya, it's dirty here. - Dad answered with a smile. - Now I will come and hug.

- And my dad came! - Another kid ran out from the corner.

- And mine is the first! - began to tease Borya.

- But mine is the second!

- Kolya, do not argue. The second dad said sternly. - Let's go get dressed.

A teacher appeared around the corner. She looked around her fathers with a stern look - they came last, but then, as if remembering something, she smiled.

“May I ask you to sit here for about ten minutes?” She asked. - A partner took the key with her, but I need to close the group. I run to the shift, there should be a spare. Will you wait?

- Sure, not a problem. - shrugged the first dad.

- Well, thank you. - the teacher blurted out in a smile and moved quickly towards the door. - I quickly!

The friendly company moved to the lockers. Borin, with an airplane, was opposite Koliny, with a ball.

“It's hot here ...” said the first dad, thought for a couple of seconds, took off his jacket and carefully laid it on the carpet near the cabinet.

“Oh, what a beautiful T-shirt you have, dad!” Shouted Borya, then turned to Kolya. - Look! I told you my dad is the first! He has drawn on a T-shirt!

Kolya looked up from dressing and saw a bright yellow T-shirt with a large red unit on his chest. Some other symbol flaunted nearby, the meanings of which the kids did not yet know.

- Dad, what is this figure? - Borya pointed a finger at a T-shirt.

- This is the letter "C", son. Together reads "one es."

- Dad, what is “es”? - Borya did not let up.

- Well ... The letter is like that. As in the word ... Superman, for example.

- My dad is superman! He is one superman! Shouted Borya.

The second dad smiled and calmly continued to put on Kolya. The owner of the yellow T-shirt was a little embarrassed, turned to the locker and began to rummage through it.

- Dad, why are you so smartly dressed? Asked Borya, taking off his shorts. - You were at the holiday, right?

- Almost. At the workshop.

- And what is seven ... Narem ... Minar ...

- Seminar. This is when a lot of aunts get together, and I and my friends in the same T-shirts tell them how to work.

- How to work? - Borya rounded his eyes.

- Well yes.

“But they don’t know how to work?” - the curious kid continued to be amazed.

- Well ... They know, but not all. Something only I know, here I am telling them.

- Kolya! Kolya! And my dad knows best how to work! They all come to him at the sermernar, and dad teaches them there! He is the first superman!

- And mine also goes to sermernar! - Kolya shouted, then turned to his father and asked quietly. - Dad, do you teach aunts to work?

- No, son. I'm teaching uncle. And they teach me. We get together and everyone tells how to work.

“Are you the first superman too?” - asked Kolya hopefully.

- No, I'm a programmer.

- Borya! My dad is a porgramist! He also goes to sermernars and uncle teaches!

“Dad, and who is this ... Porgram ...” asked Borya from his father.

“Well, I, in fact, am also a programmer.” - quietly, but confidently answered the pope.

- Aha! I heard? - Borya was in seventh heaven with happiness. - My dad and porgramist, and Superman! And he is the first!

Kolya pouted his lips and fell silent. Suddenly, his dad spoke.

- Kolenka, but do you want to go with me to a seminar? A?

- Want! Want! Where is it far?

- ABOUT! Very far! We will fly by plane, take mom with us, I will be at the seminar during the day, and you will swim in the sea! Great, huh?

- Yes! Hurrah! Second time at sea! Dad, you're superman too!

- Not. - Dad smiled a little condescendingly. - I'm not a superman. Unfortunately, supermen are not invited to this seminar. Only programmers.

“So Borya won’t go?”

“Well, I don’t know that ...” my father hesitated.

- Borya! - shouted Kolya. - And we will fly to the sermernar by plane! And we will swim in the sea! And supermen are not allowed there!

- And I ... And we ... - Borya was about to answer something, but suddenly he began to sob.

- Borka! - interfered father. - What do we need this sea? What a boredom! We just returned from there! Let’s better do this ...

Borya stopped sobbing and stared with hope at his father. Kolya stood with his mouth open and, unnoticed by himself, began to pick his nose. His father looked away, but a tense pose betrayed him with giblets.

- Do you know what? - Dad, Boris, finally came up with something. - You and I will go to the car factory tomorrow! Do you want I’m just introducing it there ... Uh ... Auntie is teaching how to count money, and I can go wherever I want! You and I will go and see how huge cars do! Just imagine!

- Want! Want! - Borya clapped his hands happily.

“And they will give you a helmet there!” Remember, I showed you my picture in a helmet?

Borya nodded cheerfully. His eyes shone with happiness.

“And then ...” Dad continued, almost gasping for breath. - You and I will go to a giant farm! Remember, you and your mom played on the computer? There hens laid testicles, cows - milk, pigs - uh ... Well, what do you say?

- Want! Dad! Want! - Borya almost jumped out of half-stretched tights. “And they will let us in because you're a superman?”

“Well, yes, all the aunts on this farm think I'm superman.” - proudly declared the pope. - I helped them a lot to calculate the money.

“Sssuka ...” whispered Papa Kolya. But Kolya heard.

- And my dad is a bitch! Shouted the baby. “Really, dad?” Bitch stronger than superman?

- Shh, Kolya. - Dad quickly began to blush. - This is a bad word, don’t remember it ... And don’t tell mom. Dad is a programmer.

“I also want to play farm games ...” Kolya began to whine.

“You know what ...” Dad smiled. - I'll make a game for you myself! The best! And about the farm, and about cars - in general, about what you want! And let's call her ... What shall we call? Is Kolya the best?

- Dad, how do we make the game? The baby asked incredulously.

- Your dad is a programmer! - proudly answered the father. - Programmers do not climb poop poop, they sit in a tall, beautiful house, and create games! We will make such a game - you’ll download! We’ll post it on the Internet, and the whole world will play it! The whole world will know about my Kolya, everyone will envy you! Even supermen!

Kolya beamed. He gazed happily at his dad, constantly looking around at the mocking Borya and his unhappy (at the moment) parent.

“Do you want a superman in the game?” - intensified the onslaught Colin's dad. - Let him ... I don’t know ... Chasing chickens? Or the chicken behind him? A? What? Chickens, geese, ducks, pigs, cows - all run after Superman and try to pull off his pants.

“Dad, he's superman.” - Kolya frowned. - He is the strongest, he will defeat all hens.

- Aha! But what about kryptonite? This is such a pebble, because of him Superman loses power! You and I will have all the chickens from kryptonite ... Well, from the magic pebble that Superman wins!

“Okay ...” Kolya answered uncertainly.

- That's agreed! Dad clapped his hands. - Now let's get dressed!

In the Borin corner it was gloomy. Father, not wanting to continue to think and look stupid, began to furiously dress his son. He clenched his teeth so that his cheekbones reduced.

“Dad ...” Borya said quietly. - You won’t be defeated by hens?

- Not. - muttered his father through clenched teeth.

“Will the police protect you?”

- Yes. Police. - Dad answered, but then stopped, as if it dawned on him, and sharply increased the volume of his voice. - Listen, Borka! You and I will go to the real police tomorrow! We will help them catch the bandits!

The son smiled. Kolya, with his mouth wide open, began to look around in both directions. The father-programmer stunned, and no longer hiding, looked at the enemy.

- Yes! Right! - Dad took Borya by the shoulders and shook a little, overwhelmed with effort, from which the baby's head began to hang helplessly. “I know some aunts here ... And uncles ... That money was stolen!” And they think that no one knows! I know! You and I will go to the police and tell them everything! Just imagine, Borka, how glad they will be! Real cops! Maybe they will give you a medal!

- I ... Medal? - Borya was surprised.

- Of course! You, son, a medal! After all, they will catch the real bandits with our help! Yes, they will write in the newspapers about you and me!

“Obituary ...” Kolya's dad smiled unkindly.

“What did you mumble there?” Cried Superman suddenly.

- Damn, man, have you been bitten by a bee in the ass? Kolya, do not remember this word ...

- Me? - Superman rounded eyes and jumped up from his place. - And who was talking about the seas? Who first started?

Borya stumbled back from his father, took a step to the side, and looked with dismay at what was happening. Kolya again left a finger in his nose.

“What difference does it make, who first started ... Right now, you will merge your clients in order to defeat the stupid dispute?” Are you in the mind at all? They will really be closed!

“I forgot to ask you, fucking programmer!” Tru go, right?

- Well, pepper is clear, I’m not teaching aunts how to count money. - snapped the programmer. - Go, count the chicken poop, and do not miss a single one, otherwise the balance will not converge.

- What is the balance, moron? Do you know what balance is?

- Oh, come on, divorce me according to your yellowish concepts. Yes, you know, yes you do not know ... Kindergarten, the right word.

“Well, and you, with your beautiful tall buildings, why, not a kindergarten?” Still agitate with cookies, milk and sofas, what are you writing about in your vacancies? Eat, pee and bainki. See life first, visit the factory at least one, then after about five years, come to the computer to write your shitty code!

“What for me your plants, if I already get you three times as much?” The programmer smiled smugly. - To each his own. To whom - cookies and money, and to whom - to climb on dirty workshops, and to kiss their gums with aunts. And yelling - I'm a programmer, I'm a superman! Ugh! Shame on the profession!

“Is it me a shame?” - Superman menacingly stepped toward the programmer.

Suddenly the door opened and a panting teacher ran into the locker room.

- Oh ... Sorry ... Long run ... Why are you here? I heard from the corridor discussing something?

The fathers were silent, looking at each other from the depths. Kids scaredly looked at adults, trying to understand at least something.

- Did you discuss what, how much money to graduate? - the teacher smiled. - A? What are red ones like?

“No ...” the programmer waved his hand. - So, we debated on a professional topic.

- Colleagues, or what?

“Uh ...” the programmer hesitated. - Well yes. Subcontractors.

- I see. - the teacher sighed in relief.

Superman also relaxed a bit, patted his son on the head and began to pull on his jacket. The programmer wiped Kohl snot, quietly snapped his nose, from which the baby broke into a joyful smile. The teacher once again looked at her parents and went into the group.

“Eh ...” Superman sighed. - You and I said, God forbid that they repeat at home ... Explain later ...

- Yeah ... - the programmer smiled with relief. - You are ...

- Yes, I understood. You too. Huh?

- Yeah. What is your name?