December 22, 2017 at 02:27One ordinary funny monday
Love the office in the morning. When the dark-quiet open space imperceptibly and in familiar familiar cares is gradually filled with light and the noise of the beginning of the day. Gradually creeping up in the morning is joyful and satisfied developers, designers, testers. Work chats come to life with greetings. Managers come surrounded by suites from s & s, hr and other hipsters. Very sincere good morning wishes from coffee machines are heard and received. The office, quiet and empty at first, like an engine, gradually reaches its working capacity, and in the light and the buzz the working day begins.
There is no time to work during the day. In the morning, noisy, talkative, extroverted employees come running, brandishing iPhones, showing each other instaphotochki from last weekend. Cool, according to IT-shnomu trimmed, moderately tinted or bearded, athletic and gladly avid. Loving muesli for breakfast under fresh / arabica / smoothie. Funny, easy to work and communicate. A charming party, I’m spinning with pleasure in it and generally perceive it as a pleasant bonus to my favorite work, as well as with an exorbitantly inflated salary. But it’s impossible to work when the office is crammed with their slightly childish desires urgently to tell everyone about the weekend spent all-all-all. Do not even stand by the coffee machine in thought - try, for example, to read a book thoughtfully when you are yelling in your ear about the beauty of jumping from an bridge with an elastic band - just think, 200 meters fell, charmingly rounded in feigned horror only slightly tinted eyes, the tester Julia broadcast. And on the other - they are equally expressively drawn to fuse on the next weekend on the Bug. Against the background of these groovy hares with energizers in the asses, we, pale, shadowy shadows, are completely lost or even slightly extroverted. No, but really, what will be there on the Bug?
Lunch is coming. The bright personalities that dispersed over the weekend are gradually getting drawn into the usual reporting and accompanying rhythm of the working week. Developers, however, are switching from working mode to meeting mode. Someone from the authorities or from subordinates to explain something. Someone to teach something or push somewhere. Drink coffee with team lead testers and coordinate with him the timing of the functional development. In general, everything except direct work with the project. Although there are exceptions - one of the teams of developers reveals a reversal and makes emergency corrections in emergency mode. Middles and juniors are calling their goods - "at work, the blockage, today in the smooth without me." They forcedly opened the debuggers and sincerely are trying to fix something there. But these are not problems, these are working moments.
The engine-office goes out in the evening, but for some reason this moment is harder to catch. It seems that he was just unsuccessfully struggling against the company, by all means deciding to get you out for some kind of training on something modern and racially suitable, like night already outside the window and just the chatter of a coffee machine ... Well, you understand.
And only now, when the tusa is spreading home, at events and rallies in the bright and not very places of the city, the office belongs to us. Those of the fashionable and happy that have remained are already working themselves. And they can be seen by a coffee machine with a look inward. Our man, in the evening no one touches or interrupts such people - it’s clear that the colleague consults with the only intelligent interlocutor discovered. The rules of introvert good manners - go around it, do not touch it. Unless, turn off the water overflowing from the top of the kettle, which supposedly glances a colleague’s pensive look.
Late Monday night. I am at work, habitually fenced off in the native corner of the open space with two twenty + -inch monitors. An almost empty office is half asleep in silence and twilight. Only quiet negotiations of the same patients before the work of colleagues and the soft reflection of their own monitors reminds of the existence of life in the universe. Ah, yes, the muffled chatter of a coffee machine from the kitchen still periodically flies. After all, a programmer is just a device for processing coffee into code. So we are sitting in the corners, processing the acquired caffeine into lines of code, implementing the next beautiful good idea or a new, urgently needed crutch. We work, in general.
- Gray, we have problems.
I love the problems. While there are problems with projects - I will not be left without work. Solving problems is a big part of my work.
But evening is an unusual time for problems. The project, being watched all day, is rarely capricious. This is in the morning, after a whole night without your attention, you can run into a sudden wtf. Hello, work. I love you too and miss you. What happened to you during the hours that I spent offline? But even in this case, the problems usually resemble a row of a beloved woman who was left unattended for the weekend. Well, how are you doing, what did you do, where did you go? What happened? Again the carburetor is messing up and the heel on the glue to put the time? Well, let's take a look.
In the evening, we do the second part of the work - design and write so that there are fewer problems.
- Gray, real problems.
But real problems could not be from the word at all. If something with my project on production was not right, then twelve alarmists - fashionable intelligent third-party services that control the application’s operability, plus one self-configured oak based on Jenkins - would have spoiled me not only in the corporate messenger and mail, but also on a mobile phone, both by calls and messages. Sodom and Gomorrah, to be honest. But on the other hand, it instantly discourages those involved and not so well-wishers from coming up with and giving out something from the series “we have problems”. Now all this hellish orchestra was silent, which meant only one thing - the problems are not with us, but personally with Valera.
Even the fathers of Soviet science fiction argued that the worst thing that could happen to a person at work in the future was an intern. Worse than this is not a storm, not an epidemic, or a cataclysm. Only two trainees can be worse than this. And this is also part of my work - to teach the younger ones how to solve problems. So this path did not pass me either. And now the path loomed nervously over my right ear, obviously burning with a desire to confess to some other ridiculous stupidity that had been created, and thus it was customary to blame the burden of consequences on me.
“Valerik, even such a consumer of art exclusively in the form of comics and Hollywood burps set on them, should know that this phrase does not work without caffeine,” I unsuccessfully tried to transfer everything to the dive zone, but the junior did not even grin. - Which kitten should I remove from which tree?
“I dropped the base on production,” my protégé modestly lowered his eyes.
These are the same five words. Nothing can justify the Epic Feil Himself. But I need the details, and it’s not at all for the sake of tormenting the conscience of the foolish. In the coffin I saw his feeling of remorse. I need to quickly understand what he did and quickly fix it. A laughing stock in front of everyone, I will expose him tomorrow. Drop the base on the prod - it is not forgotten for months.
- Drop or drop? “Valera saw that they wouldn’t beat him now, at least until they raised the base.” And quickly turned on.
- I did not drop! There they re-mounted the hot screws when I did REPAIR TABLE, - seeing my eyes pouring blood, he quickly and quickly added: - on the statistics.
Glory to you Torvalds, on statistics. This is an internal service, and for its inoperability, of course, someone will be prescribed a pill. But even if this misfortune is left untouched for the whole night, then the size of the pill will not exceed the morning oral reprimand from the coffee machine from the testers. While for the main lying base, the office may receive multi-zero claims and, even more joylessly, a sizable loss of reputation.
That is why under my production base the screws could not be remounted, but without my participation, it was generally from unscientific fiction. And who, tell me please, to tear when everything goes wrong? And without me the fun would have gone completely wrong, believe me, this is my base, I set it up.
For a second I had a desire to throw the little boy into the water and hi swims. Over night, he will find a solution in any way. And if not, I'll figure it out in the morning. A sleepless night is not the biggest punishment for an epic jamb. Especially at his age not to sleep - this is generally the norm. But the puppy is not forced to clean up after itself. How can I then poke my nose into this situation for months?
In general, I climbed into the console for details of what happened. It's okay:
- You managed to put two tables in lost + found. I’m breaking the data in the tables, and you’re there for a week of work, ”with a wise experience in my face and in the tone of a seasoned person, I told Juna who instantly brightened my face. - I recreated the tables. Go to the chat and say that the statistics for the last day are poached.
Malek understood everything correctly, the punishment had already begun. Enraged by the loss of logs necessary for debugging, testers will tear it to the German flag in the morning. Half of them have their work tonight poached by this young Okhlamon. So the junior's ridicule will be exposed without me. Valera retired, showing his acceptance of punishment with his whole back, albeit expressing a slight doubt about his deservedness with his right shoulder.
Monday's late evening is not the time for problems. The quiet twilight of the office is emphasized by the bluish flickering of monitors and quiet conversations from the corners. The muffled chatter of the coffee machine indicates that another shadow needed urgent refreshment.
And the problems in the office look different. A light ripple suddenly sweeps through the carefree human sea of joyful walkers. It is not the first of the day - either they brought fresh celery to a neighboring smuzey, or a new gyro scooter came out on a kickstarter. At first glance, you can’t tell. Only a little more silent become not so loud. Only too abruptly everywhere are headsets flying over their heads, shutting off their attempts to think from still carefree noise. Only a little more often the lips compressed in a misunderstanding turn white here and there. Only more nervously, even hysterically, are the palms worn over the keyboards. The people begin to cluster in their skills, in the soft and friendly-tolerant atmosphere of the office, demanding jerky commands and comments, a little more than entirely consisting of slang, sound unusually sharp. Partly smacks of material.
All capable of carrying weapons are involved. The note joker-merry fellow, iPhone-player and the champion of gyroslaloma, with absent eyes looks into the retina-display of a working laptop, then involuntarily tracing fingers on a fashionable beard, then exploding the clave with multi-minute machine-gun bursts of precise pecks of thin fingers. You can be a sensible person and think about the beauty of nails, a classic is right.
Confusedly, his interest comrades look around, not skillful enough to be involved in correcting the global jamb. And not experienced enough to understand for themselves where and how they can now benefit. Bright, still funny but already feeling some kind of thunderstorm dangerously close to their own feathers. The cruel real world turned such a dear and familiar office, the finest place in the world to flutter and boast of the brightness of feathers, into a dull abode of introverts with their incomprehensible ways to solve unknown problems. The office, like in the late evening, as well as on the weekend, again belongs to cold-blooded individuals with absent looks and incomprehensible conversations. Only now, these individuals have woken up and in their cold fury are fighting with something terrible on the other side of the screens.
The most sensible of the middle and the most arrogant of the joons sniff above the ear, trying to understand the technical meaning of what is happening from the stream of the Lead console. To drive away is bad manners, this is the future shift: curious, arrogant, partial, trying to understand and understand. Sometimes they are really able to jointly check something, reconfigure by example and restart. The main thing is that they can stay on top with tips and questions.
Sensible management also does not crawl, bites its nails behind the locked doors of their offices - they take their own, managerial, measures to minimize damage and cover our collective ass. Stupid rush around the office with the question "how can I help" until the first nervous advice "do not flicker." The most stupid declare "what to do?", "Who is to blame?" "What the hell is going on?" and just “AAAAAAA!”
It ends too epic. In one of the corners, a muffled stream of consciousness is interrupted - either mats, or lines of code, or console commands and file paths, or “work” pleas. One of the frantic shadows gets up, stretches, takes off the headphones and defiantly slowly goes to the coffee machine. Triumph, to all who need everything clear - the person coped. The office slowly and little by little lets go. The noise of the keys subsides, past it is already audible exclamations of a wind-up party. People disperse on smoking rooms and on coffee. The circus and carnival of the IT office spins up with the same strength after a break for work. And again, waves running through the people’s sea mark the release of a new gadget or the idol’s trick.
The rest of the work is in the usual soft mode. The developers coped with eliminating the consequences of their own mistakes most likely. Technical support comes into play - to cover our stooped backs, it is support that pays for our sins. It is on their heads that angry complaints of vexed users are now pouring. And of course, testers are specialists in the early detection of problems. They’ll come whining so they’ll be told how to do a self-test for early identification of a newly discovered problem.
And yes, the uninitiated, most likely, will not receive an answer to the question “who is to blame”: the deviations of the magnetic field of Jupiter resonantly reflected in the lens of a swamp gas cloud, well, you understand, right? A pack of primitive shadows itself tears the blameworthy, enduring mockery to him until the next file. But there is no extradition from the Don. I would give the same Valerik to the tear even to testers, who are almost their own, if there were at least the slightest chance of negative consequences for him. But the positive educational effect of the half-joking friendly kicks of colleagues I intended to feed him as a whole.
But stop sitting here, it's time to go home.
There is no time to work during the day. In the morning, noisy, talkative, extroverted employees come running, brandishing iPhones, showing each other instaphotochki from last weekend. Cool, according to IT-shnomu trimmed, moderately tinted or bearded, athletic and gladly avid. Loving muesli for breakfast under fresh / arabica / smoothie. Funny, easy to work and communicate. A charming party, I’m spinning with pleasure in it and generally perceive it as a pleasant bonus to my favorite work, as well as with an exorbitantly inflated salary. But it’s impossible to work when the office is crammed with their slightly childish desires urgently to tell everyone about the weekend spent all-all-all. Do not even stand by the coffee machine in thought - try, for example, to read a book thoughtfully when you are yelling in your ear about the beauty of jumping from an bridge with an elastic band - just think, 200 meters fell, charmingly rounded in feigned horror only slightly tinted eyes, the tester Julia broadcast. And on the other - they are equally expressively drawn to fuse on the next weekend on the Bug. Against the background of these groovy hares with energizers in the asses, we, pale, shadowy shadows, are completely lost or even slightly extroverted. No, but really, what will be there on the Bug?
Lunch is coming. The bright personalities that dispersed over the weekend are gradually getting drawn into the usual reporting and accompanying rhythm of the working week. Developers, however, are switching from working mode to meeting mode. Someone from the authorities or from subordinates to explain something. Someone to teach something or push somewhere. Drink coffee with team lead testers and coordinate with him the timing of the functional development. In general, everything except direct work with the project. Although there are exceptions - one of the teams of developers reveals a reversal and makes emergency corrections in emergency mode. Middles and juniors are calling their goods - "at work, the blockage, today in the smooth without me." They forcedly opened the debuggers and sincerely are trying to fix something there. But these are not problems, these are working moments.
The engine-office goes out in the evening, but for some reason this moment is harder to catch. It seems that he was just unsuccessfully struggling against the company, by all means deciding to get you out for some kind of training on something modern and racially suitable, like night already outside the window and just the chatter of a coffee machine ... Well, you understand.
And only now, when the tusa is spreading home, at events and rallies in the bright and not very places of the city, the office belongs to us. Those of the fashionable and happy that have remained are already working themselves. And they can be seen by a coffee machine with a look inward. Our man, in the evening no one touches or interrupts such people - it’s clear that the colleague consults with the only intelligent interlocutor discovered. The rules of introvert good manners - go around it, do not touch it. Unless, turn off the water overflowing from the top of the kettle, which supposedly glances a colleague’s pensive look.
Late Monday night. I am at work, habitually fenced off in the native corner of the open space with two twenty + -inch monitors. An almost empty office is half asleep in silence and twilight. Only quiet negotiations of the same patients before the work of colleagues and the soft reflection of their own monitors reminds of the existence of life in the universe. Ah, yes, the muffled chatter of a coffee machine from the kitchen still periodically flies. After all, a programmer is just a device for processing coffee into code. So we are sitting in the corners, processing the acquired caffeine into lines of code, implementing the next beautiful good idea or a new, urgently needed crutch. We work, in general.
- Gray, we have problems.
I love the problems. While there are problems with projects - I will not be left without work. Solving problems is a big part of my work.
But evening is an unusual time for problems. The project, being watched all day, is rarely capricious. This is in the morning, after a whole night without your attention, you can run into a sudden wtf. Hello, work. I love you too and miss you. What happened to you during the hours that I spent offline? But even in this case, the problems usually resemble a row of a beloved woman who was left unattended for the weekend. Well, how are you doing, what did you do, where did you go? What happened? Again the carburetor is messing up and the heel on the glue to put the time? Well, let's take a look.
In the evening, we do the second part of the work - design and write so that there are fewer problems.
- Gray, real problems.
But real problems could not be from the word at all. If something with my project on production was not right, then twelve alarmists - fashionable intelligent third-party services that control the application’s operability, plus one self-configured oak based on Jenkins - would have spoiled me not only in the corporate messenger and mail, but also on a mobile phone, both by calls and messages. Sodom and Gomorrah, to be honest. But on the other hand, it instantly discourages those involved and not so well-wishers from coming up with and giving out something from the series “we have problems”. Now all this hellish orchestra was silent, which meant only one thing - the problems are not with us, but personally with Valera.
Even the fathers of Soviet science fiction argued that the worst thing that could happen to a person at work in the future was an intern. Worse than this is not a storm, not an epidemic, or a cataclysm. Only two trainees can be worse than this. And this is also part of my work - to teach the younger ones how to solve problems. So this path did not pass me either. And now the path loomed nervously over my right ear, obviously burning with a desire to confess to some other ridiculous stupidity that had been created, and thus it was customary to blame the burden of consequences on me.
“Valerik, even such a consumer of art exclusively in the form of comics and Hollywood burps set on them, should know that this phrase does not work without caffeine,” I unsuccessfully tried to transfer everything to the dive zone, but the junior did not even grin. - Which kitten should I remove from which tree?
“I dropped the base on production,” my protégé modestly lowered his eyes.
These are the same five words. Nothing can justify the Epic Feil Himself. But I need the details, and it’s not at all for the sake of tormenting the conscience of the foolish. In the coffin I saw his feeling of remorse. I need to quickly understand what he did and quickly fix it. A laughing stock in front of everyone, I will expose him tomorrow. Drop the base on the prod - it is not forgotten for months.
- Drop or drop? “Valera saw that they wouldn’t beat him now, at least until they raised the base.” And quickly turned on.
- I did not drop! There they re-mounted the hot screws when I did REPAIR TABLE, - seeing my eyes pouring blood, he quickly and quickly added: - on the statistics.
Glory to you Torvalds, on statistics. This is an internal service, and for its inoperability, of course, someone will be prescribed a pill. But even if this misfortune is left untouched for the whole night, then the size of the pill will not exceed the morning oral reprimand from the coffee machine from the testers. While for the main lying base, the office may receive multi-zero claims and, even more joylessly, a sizable loss of reputation.
That is why under my production base the screws could not be remounted, but without my participation, it was generally from unscientific fiction. And who, tell me please, to tear when everything goes wrong? And without me the fun would have gone completely wrong, believe me, this is my base, I set it up.
For a second I had a desire to throw the little boy into the water and hi swims. Over night, he will find a solution in any way. And if not, I'll figure it out in the morning. A sleepless night is not the biggest punishment for an epic jamb. Especially at his age not to sleep - this is generally the norm. But the puppy is not forced to clean up after itself. How can I then poke my nose into this situation for months?
In general, I climbed into the console for details of what happened. It's okay:
- You managed to put two tables in lost + found. I’m breaking the data in the tables, and you’re there for a week of work, ”with a wise experience in my face and in the tone of a seasoned person, I told Juna who instantly brightened my face. - I recreated the tables. Go to the chat and say that the statistics for the last day are poached.
Malek understood everything correctly, the punishment had already begun. Enraged by the loss of logs necessary for debugging, testers will tear it to the German flag in the morning. Half of them have their work tonight poached by this young Okhlamon. So the junior's ridicule will be exposed without me. Valera retired, showing his acceptance of punishment with his whole back, albeit expressing a slight doubt about his deservedness with his right shoulder.
Monday's late evening is not the time for problems. The quiet twilight of the office is emphasized by the bluish flickering of monitors and quiet conversations from the corners. The muffled chatter of the coffee machine indicates that another shadow needed urgent refreshment.
And the problems in the office look different. A light ripple suddenly sweeps through the carefree human sea of joyful walkers. It is not the first of the day - either they brought fresh celery to a neighboring smuzey, or a new gyro scooter came out on a kickstarter. At first glance, you can’t tell. Only a little more silent become not so loud. Only too abruptly everywhere are headsets flying over their heads, shutting off their attempts to think from still carefree noise. Only a little more often the lips compressed in a misunderstanding turn white here and there. Only more nervously, even hysterically, are the palms worn over the keyboards. The people begin to cluster in their skills, in the soft and friendly-tolerant atmosphere of the office, demanding jerky commands and comments, a little more than entirely consisting of slang, sound unusually sharp. Partly smacks of material.
All capable of carrying weapons are involved. The note joker-merry fellow, iPhone-player and the champion of gyroslaloma, with absent eyes looks into the retina-display of a working laptop, then involuntarily tracing fingers on a fashionable beard, then exploding the clave with multi-minute machine-gun bursts of precise pecks of thin fingers. You can be a sensible person and think about the beauty of nails, a classic is right.
Confusedly, his interest comrades look around, not skillful enough to be involved in correcting the global jamb. And not experienced enough to understand for themselves where and how they can now benefit. Bright, still funny but already feeling some kind of thunderstorm dangerously close to their own feathers. The cruel real world turned such a dear and familiar office, the finest place in the world to flutter and boast of the brightness of feathers, into a dull abode of introverts with their incomprehensible ways to solve unknown problems. The office, like in the late evening, as well as on the weekend, again belongs to cold-blooded individuals with absent looks and incomprehensible conversations. Only now, these individuals have woken up and in their cold fury are fighting with something terrible on the other side of the screens.
The most sensible of the middle and the most arrogant of the joons sniff above the ear, trying to understand the technical meaning of what is happening from the stream of the Lead console. To drive away is bad manners, this is the future shift: curious, arrogant, partial, trying to understand and understand. Sometimes they are really able to jointly check something, reconfigure by example and restart. The main thing is that they can stay on top with tips and questions.
Sensible management also does not crawl, bites its nails behind the locked doors of their offices - they take their own, managerial, measures to minimize damage and cover our collective ass. Stupid rush around the office with the question "how can I help" until the first nervous advice "do not flicker." The most stupid declare "what to do?", "Who is to blame?" "What the hell is going on?" and just “AAAAAAA!”
It ends too epic. In one of the corners, a muffled stream of consciousness is interrupted - either mats, or lines of code, or console commands and file paths, or “work” pleas. One of the frantic shadows gets up, stretches, takes off the headphones and defiantly slowly goes to the coffee machine. Triumph, to all who need everything clear - the person coped. The office slowly and little by little lets go. The noise of the keys subsides, past it is already audible exclamations of a wind-up party. People disperse on smoking rooms and on coffee. The circus and carnival of the IT office spins up with the same strength after a break for work. And again, waves running through the people’s sea mark the release of a new gadget or the idol’s trick.
The rest of the work is in the usual soft mode. The developers coped with eliminating the consequences of their own mistakes most likely. Technical support comes into play - to cover our stooped backs, it is support that pays for our sins. It is on their heads that angry complaints of vexed users are now pouring. And of course, testers are specialists in the early detection of problems. They’ll come whining so they’ll be told how to do a self-test for early identification of a newly discovered problem.
And yes, the uninitiated, most likely, will not receive an answer to the question “who is to blame”: the deviations of the magnetic field of Jupiter resonantly reflected in the lens of a swamp gas cloud, well, you understand, right? A pack of primitive shadows itself tears the blameworthy, enduring mockery to him until the next file. But there is no extradition from the Don. I would give the same Valerik to the tear even to testers, who are almost their own, if there were at least the slightest chance of negative consequences for him. But the positive educational effect of the half-joking friendly kicks of colleagues I intended to feed him as a whole.
But stop sitting here, it's time to go home.