10 techniques that manipulators use (and how to deal with them)

Original author: JESSICA STILLMAN
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Psychopaths are not only villains from the horror and instructive stories of Wall Street. Every day we meet with them in the office, and at first they seem to us ordinary people . One study found that a small but noticeable portion of business leaders — 3-4% — fit the clinical definition of a psychopath. By ak protect themselves when interacting with such people?

The same goes for daffodils. A scientific experiment has shown that a faint raid of narcissism can contribute to business success. But spend some time in any work environment, and you will quickly notice that some professionals are not able to control their own pride.

The essence of the problem is this: building a normal career in business, you will almost certainly come across several really unhealthy daffodils and psychopaths who will try to insult you and manipulate you . That is why an extremely detailed article on the Thought Catalog devoted to this issue is so valuable.

It not only describes as many as 20 techniques used by undesirable people to achieve what they want, but also suggests options for dealing with such manipulations. The excerpts below may seem voluminous, but in fact, these 10 brief descriptions are just a small part of the tips contained in the full version of the post .

1. Gazlighting


“Gazliting is a manipulative tactic that can be described with different phrases:“ There wasn’t such a thing, ”“ Did you come up with everything ”,“ Are you sick? ” The Thought Catalog explains that
“Gazlighting is probably one of the most insidious manipulative tactics, because it deals with the distortion and destruction of your sense of reality. "It consistently reduces your ability to trust yourself and inevitably deprives you of the feeling that you have every right to call violence and ill-treatment in your own names."


How to fight back?
“Dig in your own reality. Sometimes you can neutralize the effect of gasliting by describing events in detail on paper, telling your friends about them or constantly sharing your experience in a support group. ”

2. Projection


Are you familiar with a situation where harmful people claim that they are not to blame for all the filth that surrounds them, but you? This is called projection. We all sometimes sin with something like that, but daffodils and psychopaths do this all the time. “Projection is a defense mechanism used to shift responsibility for one’s bad behavior and character traits onto another person,” says Thought Catalog.

What is the solution?
“Do not“ project ”your sense of compassion and sympathy on an unhealthy person and do not accept any of his projections on yourself,” the article recommends. “By transferring your own moral principles and value systems to others, you become a potential victim of continued exploitation.”

3. Generalizations


You said that your colleague is not always able to take into account the delayed consequences of certain financial decisions. The office psychopath claims you called him "reckless." You noticed that if conditions A, B and C work, then the situation may worsen. Your fellow narcissist tells the boss that you called the current situation "disaster."

What's happening? It's not that your sworn enemy did not understand your words. He (a) is not interested in understanding.

“Embittered daffodils can not always boast of an outstanding mind - many of them are quite“ near-minded ”people. Instead of carefully considering a different point of view, they summarize all your statements, making peremptory statements that do not indicate nuances in your reasoning, or take into account the numerous concepts to which you paid tribute, ”writes Thought Catalog, describing such behavior.

To handle this,
“Stand your ground and do not forget that generalizations are really just a product of categorical thinking devoid of logic.”

4. Moving the gate


“Cruel narcissists and sociopaths use a logical mistake called“ moving the gates ”to create situations in which they will have every reason to be always displeased with you. This happens when even after you have cited all the possible evidence in the world in favor of your opinion or fulfilled all their requests, they put forward a new condition or require even more evidence, ”says Thought Catalog.

Do not play such games.
“Establish your position and evaluate yourself. Understand that you are already good , and do not let others constantly impose on you the feeling that you are flawed or unworthy of something. ”

5. Change of subject


Switching from one topic of conversation to another seems like an innocent act. But in the hands of a skilled manipulator, changing the subject of conversation turns into a means of avoiding responsibility. “Daffodils do not want to discuss topics in which you can somehow hold them accountable, and therefore they will direct the discussion in the direction they need,” says Thought Catalog.

With your connivance, such a situation can persist constantly, excluding the possibility of discussing truly topical issues. Try to fight back with the “hackneyed plate” method.
“Continue to list the facts, ignoring their attempts to distract you. Go back to the topic, saying: “I am not talking about that. Let's focus on the real issue. ” If they are not interested, stop and spend your energy on something more constructive. "

6. The transition to the individual


The fact that you have been constantly dealing with him since you first encountered bullies in the playground does not make the transition to personalities less harmful. And, of course, this is found at all levels up to presidential politics.

Just don't let that happen.
“It’s necessary to end any interaction associated with the transition to personality, and declare that you will not tolerate this,” advises Thought Catalog. - Do not accept this behavior. Understand, they resort to the transition to the individual because more tactful methods are not available to them. "

7. Black PR


“If harmful types cannot control your opinion of yourself, they begin to work with the opinions of others about you. They pretend to be martyrs until they put a label on you with the inscription "villain." Black PR is a preemptive strike aimed at sabotaging your reputation and denigrating your name, ”explains Thought Catalog.

Sometimes real evil geniuses even manage to separate and rule, pitting two people or groups among themselves. Do not let them succeed. “Document any form of bullying,” the post advises, and in no case fall for the bait: do not let these monsters provoke you. Act so that their lies remain false.

8. Depreciation


Be careful if a colleague, expressing sympathy for you, aggressively belittles your predecessor. “Daffodils do this all the time: they devalue their former partners. And as a result, new partners become victims of the same cruel attitude and aggression as previous passions, ”the post says. And such dynamics are found not only in the personal sphere, but also in the professional one.

A simple awareness of such a phenomenon is already the first step towards combating it. “Keep in mind: how a person treats someone or talks about someone in the future may be transferred to you,” warns Thought Catalog.

9. Aggressive jokes


The problem is not your sense of humor, but in the hidden sense of the joke. “Latent daffodils enjoy, releasing sarcastic remarks about you. Usually they are presented as "just jokes." And this allows them to say disgusting things with impunity, continuing to pretend to be innocent and impassive. And every time you are indignant at the tactlessness and rudeness of the remark, you are accused of a lack of sense of humor, ”the post states.

Do not let the office insolent using gaslight to convince you that everything that happens is just innocent fun. This is not true.

10. Triangulation


One of the most sensible ways in which harmful people distract you from their abominations is by switching your attention to an imaginary threat from another person. This is called triangulation. “Daffodils love to“ transmit ”knowingly false information about what others are saying about you,” warns Thought Catalog. To counter this tactic, be aware that the third participant in the drama is also being manipulated - he (a) is also a victim, not an enemy.

You can also try to “redirect the triangulation” or “enlist the support of an outside observer who is not influenced by the narcissus”.

Good luck!

PS We recommend another useful article on the topic of self-development - 10 ways to deal with toxic family members .

The author of the translation is Vyacheslav Davidenko, founder of TESTutor .

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